I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, tammikuuta 16, 2007
you won. are you happy now?
if you're trying to make me hate you and leave, you're damn well succeeding.
i'm not even going to go on with the intended mushy stuff. the i love you so much and don't want to hurt you crap. because its just turned into that, its crap.
i don't appreciate being told to "better do" something. it would be nice if you could say please or thank you once in a while.
i don't appreciate you always looking down on me. it would be nice if just sometimes, you could see that i could be right.
i don't appreciate having things thrown at me because of small little things. it would be nice if you had asked me to do those things in the first place and not kept mum about it and expected me to do it. i don't believe its common sense, and i'm sorry, but i don't read rolling eyes.
if you know i'm a certain way, can't you make things easier for me and try to accept me for how i am, instead of trying to change me and throwing a hissy fit when it doesn't work.
i don't appreciate you always telling me that i'm not doing anything. what do you think i do in my bedroom? i don't think reading or looking for jobs on the internet qualifies as doing nothing.
and you know what. i hate to say this, but i love you less and less everyday. you just wear me out and rub me the wrong way. because everything i do, to you, is wrong and bad and inconsequential.
if i run away one day, don't worry about me and don't find me. it means i need to be alone. however hard that may be, i do think it would be a lot easier to live in filth than to live with you screaming in my head everyday.
marlz
1/16/2007 02:07:00 ip.