I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, tammikuuta 07, 2007
in your eyes
you're always telling me what you don't like about me
what about telling me what you like about without probing? when is that going to happen?
i'm trying very hard to send out a signal here. don't tell me what to do all the time, because lets face it, i more or less know what i am doing. i know abt the things i am into, and i stall about things because i'm thinking carefully about the decision so that i don't plunge head first into the unknown. i need to do this MYSELF not with you breathing down my neck. i need to make INDEPENDANT decisions. if for one moment, you thought that i'm doing things wrong, i'd like you to consider the fact that i'm not hurting anyone at this point in time, i am NOT in any case, depriving anyone of any basic right, and i'm NOT deciding or pushing things for other people.
its time you started thinking of me as an adult, not solely as your child. your advice is always welcome, and i will listen, but if i choose not to follow your advice, it is ultimately my choice. and what comes out of it will be what i will have to face.
it would be nice too, if you didn't snap at me for little things, or say "this is what i hate about you". i've never told you what i "hate about you" so why do you have to ragging on about things, which are ultimately, quite inconsequential, since no one really bothers about such things except for you. i do not see any reason for your major grievances, and i'm clean, sober, and trying hard.
just, for once, read my signals and see that i'm trying. i'm scared and i think its hard, but i'm trying. i'm lost, and i'm worried but i'm TRYING. does that not satisfy you anymore?
i just don't get how to relate to you nowadays. everything i do seems so wrong.
marlz
1/07/2007 05:36:00 ip.