marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, lokakuuta 17, 2006
a bunch of random nothings
the haze the haze. everyone keeps talking abt it. no wonder. usually when i peer out my window i can see across the border at this mountain/hill/conical landform thing that is jutting out in the horizon. BUT that day the haze made it disappear.
the last time i remember having such poor visibility was a particularly FOGGY night in vilmanstrand. it was cold, not hot. and the air was damp but fresh, not dry and smokey. the advantages of being in a cold place.
speaking about that. i have suddenly come to the end of my official college days. farewell assembly was ok. nothing really spectacular. didn't even feel like the last day of school since the first announcement at morning assembly was a reminder to econs students to attend the mock paper.
i took loads of photos. more than i probably have ever taken in my life in one day. i don't like photos but since its the "last day" then might as well. whatever lar. i somehow just am not that touched by that long morning assembly. it was amusing, just that.
now that its over, i had a compelling feeling that i need to leave ASAP. but at the same time i'm scared. i'm afraid of what lies ahead. i wish i knew what lies ahead, but that is not possible. i'm excited that i'm moving on. that i'm gonna stand on my own two feet. and i want to do it. i NEED to do it. but i see so many options and i don't know what to choose.
i feel like that little old lady i saw at K-mart with isoäiti one day. she was standing in front of the milk section and lamenting the fact that there were so many choices of milk that she had no idea what to choose. that it was so much easier back in the day. i feel like that.
on sunday i went to watch äidestä parhain (mother of mine, though this isn't a good translation. its actually BEST OF MOTHERS) with my mom at vivocity for the european union film festival. it very nice really. didn't regret taking the day to go watch it. but really vivocity is of GARGANTUAN proportions. and it was so bloody crowded and i hate crowds. and then we got lost. and we had to rush for buka. otherwise the film was VERY GOOD.
and i thought it was wonderful that almost half of it was swedish. its time to learn a little before i leave. or else i'll be thrown into one of those summer schools. and no one wants to go to summer schools to learn anything cos its just plain crummy. summer is meant for you to work and catch up with friends and go to the summer houses and laze around in the sauna and watch bonfires and dance the jumppa (though my dad would probably scoff at this point) not to go study. no no. bad idea. i must must get a head start as soon as possible.
there were quite a number of asians there as well, though the seats were mostly filled by blondes and brunettes (finally! natural brunettes like ME!). and the method was good, not remotely hollywood-esque, thank gdness.
i like observing my grandparent's patriotism. and sheepish as i may be saying this, i do feel that i am PROUD to be a finnish citizen. i read what i learned during history and IB and feel happy that i had something to learn. i sat in the sauna and liked it. i waited for the blue moment and was in awe. i watch those movies that feature war and i like that the finnish won. i support finnish bands. i and proud to be a finnish citizen.
i find this seriously lacking in singapore. so what if there's a big turn out at the national day parade every year? so what if people sing the national anthem every morning? so what if some miss singapore is happy to get sent to albania for a miss globe competition and get hijacked along the way? so what. the only instance i've seen some glimmer of patriotism in singapore is when people complain about the haze, about malaysia and at the great singapore sale. even then, its for their own personal interest rather than genuinely wanting to boost the singapore economy by consuming to no end in a certain period of the year. so what, i say.
because i've always thought that patriotism is more than how many flags are hung up outside during national day, or how many national day songs you know by heart. or how many plastic flags you may wave at the sea games. its not even whether you feel comfortable or are reaping the most benefits where you're at.
i've thought abt this, and feel its more than that. the country your loyalties lie in is the country you'd die for, the country you'd wish would win the war, the country where you'd emigrate to and be buried in and have kids and a family in. its the country which you'd fiercely protect from verbal and physical threats. its the country that you think is mostly in the right. its the country that you'd work hard for.
it might not even be the place your family is. its the place where you want to retire in. if you're thinking of retiring in australia, then sorry you're not a patriotic singaporean. and that's not a bad thing. your loyalties lie elsewhere.
i don't quite see how singaporeans will be patriots when there is nothing to be particularly patriotic about. almost everything we have is the same as in malaysia. there is no particular overarching culture. there is no history. people are thinking about moving away and making it big elsewhere and i don't blame them. even african countries seem to have people who rather stay in the bush than move elsewhere. its a way of life they love.
and singapore? i don't see that.
well. i'm not gonna babble any more. tml there's a gp mock. maybe thats a sort of culture. having mock papers and mocking. pah
marlz
10/17/2006 02:26:00 ip.