I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

keskiviikkona, elokuuta 23, 2006

cos the teevee men told me so

i'm gonna be random again. i know i'm always random. its positively idiotic, but SORRY, it happens cos i'm a random person. and cos my hair is brown. haha

1. blessed is she that finds a man who is her best friends, her confidante, who understands all her plights, who is sensitive and who is willing to go shopping with her. cos she's found the one, and all that's left is to find out if the man is gay haha.

2. i totally fell in love with hady mirza's rendition of lagenda. very very very very very very nice. i haev a think about ballads in malay. for me they work only in malay. ballads in english are cheesy and bad and so uncool. therefore only ballads in malay for me please! and only certain singers and types lar, nothing too jiwang.

3. i liked the erudite cell session on thursday, but to be awfully frank, i was quite uncomfortable with having to face the fact that the topic was very much centred around religion. religion for me is something very personal and therefore, i don't quite like speaking about it. especially when it comes to criticism of islam. i mean, really, i feel like shutting my ears and telling people to shut up. and especially when people ask me about the middle east and all the scuffles amongst the jews and muslims and christians. i'm sorry but i'm not comfortable because of the fact that i don't like talking abt it. anways, that topic has been so exhausted. i'm so tired of hearing all the criticism. i'm tired of people asking why those people fight because you know what, i'm not part of that fight. i'm not them, i don't know why they create bombs and blow planes up. don't complain/ask/whatever. i don't like it cos i'm very close minded about religion.

4. i realize not many ppl know about the teevee men myth. that's interesting. cos i thought it was POPULAR myth.

5. my very active imagination has led me to many different places this week. unusual activity in the cranium, which is what i like to call it.

6. sometimes i feel my head is tuned into fairytale mode. because all i ever dream about is fairytale land. its interesting though, cos justin once told me that my life seems like a story out of an enid blyton book when i talk abt the orange rolling incident, and the snow and the blueberry picking and stuff in finland. i don't think its as glam as a fairy story though, especially when its winter and my hair is static because of my hat that my grandmother insists i wear. i don't like hats. give me cold air, now!

7. i like funny advertisements, but it seems as if they don't happen very much in singapore. i remember most clearly the turun sinappia one last year. and sonja making that impression of the shopkeeper in it. darn it was funny.

8. i am craving lakrtisi jäätelö. which coincidently, you CAN'T get in singapore.

9. i need more sleep

10. i really need more sleep.

11. its the school end and i don't really feel that sad. its funny how the farewells are all going on and i don't think much of them. maybe its because i'm not very good with farewells at all, and i feel very much that the "hype" (if indeed you can call it hype) over leaving is very much overly done. and i feel guilty for feeling that way, but i don't see why we need to make a great event because of it. quiet and nice is always homey and the best way to do it. that's my opinion.

12. i hate verbal tussles with my parent's simply because they never listen to what i have to say and everything is shot down. none of my reasoning works. that's why its always best not to tell about things that are important, because your decisions will be questioned and if not agreed with, will be shot down without giving you an opportunity to defend yourself. to put it simply, verbal tussles with parents suck.

13. this is a good number and i shall stop here.

marlz

8/23/2006 02:29:00 ip.

maanantaina, elokuuta 21, 2006

wicked game

so many videos! but there's a pt in this.

the first video : this song was playing in my head most of the day.

this song aint that metal, not quite in the typical style of apocalyptica. the cello quartet is haunting, but i don't quite like mr valo on this one. the song is a bit low for him i guess? he pulled it off but sounds abit distorted to me, like he's trying very hard to hit those low notes (anyone would cos they are SO low). gets better in the chorus though!

haha don't know if anyone would like it. there's another one below if you don't. and another one below if you don't like that one (though i don't think pop people would like that one much).

nothing too heavy nor wicked though, might just scare you. so i put only what i think is palatable haha. point is. i think they are quite nice =)

marlz

8/21/2006 11:45:00 ap.

keskiviikkona, elokuuta 16, 2006

i'm not in the funeral business

i toally screwed up the gp test today and i had no organization at all.

it annoys me to no end that i was so lousy at writing that essay.

the econs test went alright. much better than i have expected. at least i see improvement, maybe its because i've been consistently doing my work and seeing miss lim and making dumb comments in class which ms lim corrects and therefore all my dumb mistakes are eradicated.

slowly but surely.

the fantasy story gp essay gave me a gd mark and i sort of knew before hand because i had that "zing" or that spark when i was writing.

and now that i know how it feels like, i'm so fed up with myself that the same didn't happen today.

i think i'm going to get a mark that is less than what i expect. and i hate that. not matching up to my own expectations.

still, must remember not to relive something. being too hard on myself might make me feel incapable and helpless. although, quite frankly i feel really stupid. as in stupid stupid. bimbo stupid.

ARGH

8/16/2006 01:40:00 ip.

sunnuntai, elokuuta 13, 2006

speed of sound

i'm irked out of my mind because my whole post just disappeared. ARGH
anyways. i know i'm supposed to be on hiatus but i will vent a little. for now.
so, me being miss i-can-tell-sharp-from-flat-most-of-the-time, this year's singapore idol has been quite a disappointment.
like, seriously? i mean, why in the world are joakim and jasmine tye in the competition. is it me or has singapore's mobile phone owners and sms senders gone deaf or something?
i know singapore's talent pool is relatively small but heck, i didn't think it was that small. the lack of good pipes on this years season is dismal. i've been having very evil fantasies of saving up my pocket money to transport simon cowell here to give the contestants an earful. i suppose if he really did come (of his own accord, of course) he'd probably send half of those taking part packing their bags and running home with tears streaming down their face. yep. straight into arms of mom and dad, and to have recurrent nightmares of the englishman telling them that their performance was abysmal. muahahahaha.
because seriously, i'm getting quite irked by jasmine and her flowery friend and the other lot of posers on that show. and also by the lousy teeny bopper teens that are voting for their teeny bopper idols on that show. and by the fact that they have so much money to fling around that they can afford to vote 10 times for the flower boy when even he very well knows that he isn't talented.
the fact is, i don't think singapore is mature enough for these kinds of shows. and i think that the idol sg is gonna send to the world idol competition isn't even going to be considered by the judges. and the weirdest thing is, that i've met many mature people in singapore. so mature in fact, that they know not to pay a hefty sum every month in terms on mobile phone bills during the idol season.
you see, in my time *ahem*, kids were alot more prudent. people simply didn't have the money to spend on countless sms-es and phonecalls to keep a sorta can make it looking idol on stage. no, not like the kids of today.
and besides, even if those jokers made it, they simply wouldn't last in singapore's market. because you see, on the whole, singapore's people are prudent. its all explained in macroeconomics essays under the conclusion/synthesis section where you're supposed to impress the Cambridge examiners. and then you know that singapore's economic growth isn't really affected by consumption, so the government aims to boost the economy by allowing for trade to take place and creating incentives for investment. that is because the mpc of singapore is relatively small, and the mps is quite large. and also because of the fact that out of every one dollar spent in singapore, 51 cents is spent on imports, which of course, does NOT include the joakim gomez's newest single that is out in all good stores, which is a domestic good, and oh dearie me, isn't likely to be exported either because no one who's sane would buy singapore dollars in the forex market just to buy it.
heh.
i know the govt is trying to create a more cultured society and yadayadayada promote the arts yadayadayada. but in my opinion, i don't think it'll happen anytime soon. for one, it seems as if singapore's society isn't open or creative or passionate or mature enough. one or all of the above, of course.
everything seems so clean cut and plastic. there is not rough edges, no ruggedness. no raw talent that you see elsewhere. and whatever amount there is (cos i don't believe its possible for there to be none) it seems almost negligible, or hiding somewhere. i mean, sure there are clusters of people here and there but no one is taking notice. its like, no one wants art or anything that hints at it. its the same reason why i read once in the forum that arts streams should be removed from jcs. people think it is 1. impractical. 2. narrows your choices by ALOT and 3. too aerie faerie to make a living out of. and of course i disagree, because arts students (or at least the ones i've met) are fully aware of the fact that their choices are limited, but are determined to make it anyway. and the better ones have talent and even passion, which is extremely rare nowsaday and look at the arts cohorts in jcs, in comparison to the throngs of science people.
maybe one of the aspiring doctors in future will discover art-phobia. haha
so anyways, SI is to me, a sort of example of this art-phobia, if you like. the posers vote the the "cute" ones, and the ppl who have sharp ears aren't voting because their scared they'll get stoned to death by the image loving majority on their way to school. everyone loves music, yea, but does everyone bother to know what goes into good music? no. even crap sounds like music to some of the ppl voting. hrmph.
imagine, all future brides of joakim gomez (in your dreams lar). i'm sure he's a nice guy and all (i really do mean this part), and he's sorta kinda can make it half past six cutish *puke* i guess. i mean, i wouldn't know cos i have met him and i don't judge based on tv cos its a load of deception BUT hey you haven't either! and lets say, if and i really mean IF he makes it and makes his own record and stuff. do you really think he's gonna remember you. that smile in the crowd, the one of MANY who teared when he was in the bottom two on night? that placard toting speck in the sea of ladies, willing to throw himself at his feet? i reckon, no. he'll probably end up becoming something like fiona xie's new toyboy. and there go your dreams of having him to yourself. POOF. just like that.
and jasmine tye lovers? boys, do you really think she's looking for a young pimply lad like yourself, who sends her your used boxers and waits for her at the "hangout" at mount emily just to have her hug you and sign your shirt? that she'd want someone like YOU to fill that void in her life. i think she's probably looking for a man, with hair not too spiky and who whisks her off to the US for a whole week of shopping. do you think you fit the bill? i don't know. maybe. but most likely not aye?
and i have to mention this. i really CANNOT take nurul maideen anymore. i think she is being herself but i really don't like her "omygawdthatsopurrrdyiamahappygoober" bouncy stuff. seriously. i even USED to think she had a good voice. right up to the second time i saw her, when i started to think she was getting obnoxious and that the voice was going. i don't know.
even paul twohill i can take (that's cos i listen to some emocore myself) BUT its only cos he has character. i don't think he can sing. and he has little talent. i wonder if he has gotten a crick in the neck yet from all that flicking of the fringe. and i think he kinda sings and talks and acts like cookiemonster. a really twisted version of cookiemonster. i only stand him cos he's kinda melayu, and that amuses me and makes me laugh. haha.
without a doubt. if the abovementioned characters had any guts. i think they'd pack their bags now and leave. just give the people who maybe have less teeny bopper appeal but good pipes (MATHILDA!) the chance to go further. at for once, make a show that is worth watching. for once. (even the adverts in indonesia seem to be more amusing than some of the local shows on tv)
if this goes on, i think i'll just stick to watching channel newsasia and arts central when idol starts breaking my heart. till then, i'm still waiting for flower boy to leave.
marlz

8/13/2006 03:04:00 ip.

keskiviikkona, elokuuta 02, 2006

sickeningly sick

i'm bloody sick and i hate it. yes. i'm sick AGAIN.

maybe its the school building. first the TB scare and then all the other nonsense about the flu going round class. maybe jc is meant to be a place where illness festers. i'm going to be slightly kuku and say the physical degeneration is a physiological reflection of the psychological degeneration that happens to all of us. only that is something one would write in a gothic tradition analysis which doesn't apply to school. now if it was true, it means all jc students are slightly off their rocker. hah. are we?

i don't like having a stuck nose and using 12561321654651 tissues in the day. and sneezing so violently in the lt that my notes go flying everywhere. and then there's the feeling that something is at the back of your throat that you wish you could fish out without feeling like puking. and the paranoia that your cranium might explode in a few seconds time. or maybe its just me.

yes. i hate being sick. i've never been sick so many times in my life. and i don't like the waiting times at the doctor's. its just too long. i guess i'm feeling the sickness more than anyone else would because i was usually quite disease free prior to coming to meridian. and then i morphed into a magnet for disease, a perpetually ill being.

oh my nose, my poor afflicted nose!

i have a vague feeling that i'm rambling. must be the overdose of lozenges. in any case i'm stoppin now.

marlz