I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, kesäkuuta 20, 2006
of life
i wanted to write of death. little did i know such a topic might approach me, and taunt me.
life is unexpected. it is also fragile.
it is a gift, bestowed upon us by God. one day, i understand and accept that this gift will be seized from me. do i fear death, and its hold on me? no. do i fear pain in death? no. do i fear having to die before i have lived? no.
what i do fear, in a sickest, darkest, most inexplicable way is that death should come to some person other than me, that should be close to home or heart, or even close to someone who is close to my home or my heart.
a relative of mine was injured very badly tonight, in a very bad accident.
its a sickly feeling. the whole hospital admin stuff. the lousy tinkling strains of music in the lounge was "someone to watch over me". it wasn't even funny. seeing doors open an close. hushed voices. tear streaked faces. and you know that you can't do a single damn thing to better the situation.
i don't know what to do. what to feel. how to react. we weren't close emotionally, but i've seen him, known him from the day i came to singapore, or heck, even earlier than that.
i pray first and foremost, that the damage is not that bad. i pray that he will function normally, that he will be his normal self again after this trying period of time.
i pray that he is in good hands. hands that will care for him, that will soothe his pains and cure him in the shortest time possible.
i pray that if it was what we think it is, the people responsible will get their just desserts.
i pray that he will make a full recovery.
i once equated life to being like walking in the snow. once tread upon, you leave a mark. and one day those marks will stop short. let this not be such a day.
till the day breaks. i suspect that bleary eyedness will come, but sleep will not.
edit: eric. my bestest bud and my best bro. if you're reading this: i know you love your motorbike and all, and are going to get the license soon. i know that you'll tell me off for worrying and for even having a little idea that such a competent rider as you may commit a mistake on the road. but eric. because you're my bestest bud and best bro, i will say this. please please please please take care when you ride. please please please please check everything is ok before you ride. and please please please please wear a good safe helmet, even if it doesn't look too good on you. please do not let anything happen to you on the road, and please ride safely always. i don't want a repeat or even a shadow of a repeat of tonight to happen with you involved. please remember i care, and i want you nice and healthy to tease me about being a goody two shoes. please remember that when i cry, i do so in torrents, so
don't let anything happen to you, you hear?
marlz
6/20/2006 05:57:00 ip.