I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 17, 2006
so very wasted
this week is an excrutiatingly tiring and painful week. quite literally.
monday was the only day that i went home early. not much since monday was a long day ANYWAY.
friday and saturday last week were spent in school on band practice. 4 solid hours each, without a break save for a toilet break that was no longer than 10 minutes, spent in the sweltering hall that made me feel as if i would drown myself in perspiration. didn't help either that ms sia went on and on till i was so breathless that i had a chest pain, that i sat so straight that my shoulder muscles were aching and that my reed vibrated so much that my lower teeth were wobbly when i went home.
so tuesday was yesterday and i spent my day from 7.30 am to approximately 9 pm in school. now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a full 13 and a half hours, meaning that i spent more than half my day in school. some life i have eh. and the wobbly teeth and shoulder ache did not fail to revisit me again.
today is wednesday. and i feel so wasted. i wonder how am i to drag myself to school tomorrow because thursday is a terribly long and irritatingly dull day, AND i have band prac yet again tomorrow as a last minute rehearsal before the concert. today's sectionals plus combined practice was enough to make
mr wobbly teeth and
shoulder ache come back, AND also make
mr squeak very loud halfway through a piece pop by for a while as well. oh whee. how fun. tomorrow i swear i will die out if practice is longer than 3 hours. today was already 5 hrs. even worse than the friday and saturday if you ask me.
i have a feeling now that i will be RELIEVED when the concert is over. no more painful weeks. still wondering if i should play for the competition. seems as they need my part BUT i'm hesitant because i'm not that great a player in the first place and i worry that i lose my touch after the june hols, because i am quite set on not going into the band room at all lest i conveniently forget studying for mid years. no no. i will not step foot into the band room at all during the june hols. not at all. BUT then how, for i heard they are playing jericho, so its either me or fabian that has to come and help, or else the first part will sound empty and without any support.
and lets not forget school, shall we. terribly boring if you ask me. the only remotely interesting thing about lessons is, as usual, my favourite subject. i don't know i could survive the monotony of school if not for lit tutorials and lectures. i like having room to think for myself, to form my own opinions and not have any forced onto me for the sake of better grades. i like that i am free to interpret as i wish, so long as find substantiation, and i like that i can view an issue from a different perspective as a teacher or a mentor, and still have my view be valid. i like the freedom. its nice.
not that i have anything against econs teachers or the econs lecturers or anything, but i don't quite agree with the lecturer today who said that people who are actively engaged and utterly devoted to the study of economics are philosophical people. definitely compassionate, but no, i think the word philosophical is not to be used on them. i still think that geography is a softer subject as compared to economics. if i were to personify the three subjects that i take, i would make literature a nice quirky personality, lofty, somewhat dandified, very refined, and very compassionate. geography would be the middle ground, sensible and practical, caring and kind. and economics would be akin to the hard working, stern, ambitious, somwhat cold and aloof personality. thats how i see subjects in my head, and feel them when i study.
addiction is such an intriguing thing.
marlz
5/17/2006 01:29:00 ip.