I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, toukokuuta 05, 2006
of emotions
there are some emotions that can't be hidden, not even if you will them to.
maybe, maybe when it involves someone who depends on you not to freak, you can hold on. to hide that emotion, that feeling.
that feeling is one of immense disappointment and sadness.
you hold on so that another will not see you cry. but you mind never lets it go. its never does. not with something as vivid and as painful.
you withdraw, you stay silent. you push people away.
you pretend everything is normal, that everything is fine. but you know its not so.
your eyes start swimming and you run. you hear the slap-slap of your shoes on the floor, and you don't care.
you bolt yourself in and cry. cry so hard and so furiously that you forget all time, all the voices, everything.
you try to let go, but a huge drop trickles down your cheek, and then another and then another. torrents that never seem to end.
you purse your lips, you try to hold it in, but it doesn't stop. every word just jars you, just makes more stains on your cheeks.
you cry so hard you get a head ache from all the crying. and you scold yourself. cos you've yet again cried over something that cannot be solved. something that does not lie in your hands. you've cried, when you know that tears can't solve the problem. you've cried when you shouldn't have.
tears never fail to want company. but some sorrows just can't have any, cos no amount of company can help, when the problem can't be solved.
marlz
5/05/2006 03:50:00 ip.