I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

tiistaina, huhtikuuta 18, 2006

erudite cell

my head is bursting at the seams with things i wish to blog about.

i still believe the world is a bad place, filled with bad people, selfish, greedy, corrupted, money and power hungry people who have totally no consideration for anyone else but themselves.

blessed i am to have met the minority. to be intermingled with them. particularly, marilyn and aneesha. i shall be good for their sake. its not in my nature to be bad intentionally anyway. i totally flopped on the first day that i said that, even though i tried super hard. i only ended up being very sulky and aloof. as if that would affect anyone.

so i've decided to be good with people i trust. and wary with those i don't, but not outrightly bad. i can't even lie with a straight face, so even if i try to be like that, then i'll fail. i'd rather fail at being good than fail at being bad. but those annoying, irksome, selfish, self conceited people will not get anything out of that. i share and love with people that deserve it, not those who don't. my last words still hold true. i may smile at you, but deep down i'm laughing at how hypocritical and cocksure you are. don't think i haven't seen it. i have, and i am wary. so be sure not to trifle with me.

just to make sure you can't get back at me. i'm NOT placing myself on moral highground. i'm human, i err too. i sometimes feel that i'm being super selfish and that i need to give more. i'm aware that sometimes i've thought of myself before others. sometimes i've been too harsh. BUT i don't mean it. i don't mean harm, and i do try to be as good and as selfless as possible. and though i might not achieve this all the time, i try my hardest to do this. you can bet on that. i try to give without thinking of getting anything in return but a smile, because it makes my day. i try to help and aid where possible, without the need for anyone to ask for it. i try my best to do service where possible, without thinking that my time is being wasted. i try to put up with nasty people. and i'll still try. you can count on that (except for the last one. there's no point putting up with them when they hurt you so, might as well just ignore them altogether) so don't you nasty people out there say that i'm being hoity toity here. i'm NOT. i just detest it when people are selfish, and not considerate towards others.

during geog we watched this video, and i saw how beautiful the world is (EXCLUDING the humans). God made the world such a pretty place, its such a pity that its being destroyed so quickly. its harsh and beautiful at the same time. like the bitter cold in Rovaniemi in winter, and then its pink and gold skies in winter, and its green revontulet/ The ice-encrusted trees, branches drooping under its load. the frozen lakes that make a weird gulping sound that travels far, mysterious in its orgin. its painfully beautiful.

then there are the perfect looking sand dunes, dynamic, at the mercy of the whimsical forces of the wind. baking golden in the sunlight, blue and cold in the night. a great vastness, beautiful yet perilous. the place where quick sand, sand storms or the very climate could kill a human. the lovely volcanic islands and formations. the grand canyon. the himalayas. the atlantic ocean. the tundras in Siberia. God is great to have made such a perfect looking world. its sad that nothing of the like can be seen in Singapore. concrete and dull. i thnk i've found the reason for my dislike for human geography, and why i keep flunking it. i don't find it at all interesting, as compared to physical geography, which is so learnable. there is no limit to what one can learn in physical geog. there's always something more to discover. its exciting.

i also know why i don't quite like economics either. probably because i feel its such a technical subject. the only thing econs is concerned with is money. gaining it, making it, prices, whether a company is doing badly or well. annoying. its all about greed, and without consideration of the people at stake. everything has to make economic sense. its too narrow a view for me. i don't like it. i like either things that i can SEE physically or that is open to discovery and imagination of the individual. thus my preference for geog and lit. doesn't make much of a diff in the end. i still have to study for econs, and make it through the As.

darn it i'm sleepy. i must sleep. MUST or else tomorrow i'll fall asleep in lectures. hrmph.

good night then

marlz

tiistaina, huhtikuuta 18, 2006

erudite cell

4/18/2006 01:42:00 ip.

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