I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, maaliskuuta 29, 2006
lack of ideas yet again
my agitation over the timetable have simmered down, mainly for reasons that i'm not at liberty to mention here. but i can say i'm much much happier over what has happened and very much relieved. i breathe easy now =)
so far the teachers have been taking ages to mark our essays. i've gotten back our GP paper already, and i got a B yet again. i seem to be forever stuck in the B grade for GP. i really want to pull myself out of that B rut. the worst thing about being average is being average. the students with bad grades get remedial, so they learn how to improve. the students with A's already know how to get an A, so they don't really have to care abt much besides about how to maintain the grade. the people with average grades like ME do neither. we don't improve and we don't know, and thus we are trapped in average category without any hope of escape. how annoying.
i've gotten my lit paper 4 back as well. did not perform as well as i hoped i would, but i did perform better than i expected i would. i hoped for an A, expected a C, and was awarded a B! better than C but not exactly the dream grade. i left my essay hanging which was a shame, since it was getting interesting and good at that point (see what i mean about time management). and i could've gotten my A if i had a little more time to write. i need to train harder when it comes to the timing of essay writing. hrmph.
i realize that i pay alot of attention to my dreams. maybe its because i have dreams that are always not that common. some are recurring, some aren't. some just leave me puzzled and other disgusted. i happened to read on up lucid dreaming, which might or might not be possible. but if it is, i'd like to give it a try.
i'm feeling quite weird now, though i don't know for what reason. that day in geography lecture i was writing my name down on the paper when i felt blood rush to my face, and i commented to marilyn that i felt strange. or more precisely i said my face feels hot. then she exclaimed and said that my face was reddish. to my horror, i was blushing! and i don't even know why? who blushes when she writes HER OWN NAME. and i really really really wasn't thinking about anything at that point in time besides geography or writing my name. even if i did think of something that induces blushing, i don't remember what it is, so it can't be significant in any case
sometimes in class and i feel my heart palpitating for no good reason. and i'm perfectly calm and composed on the outside, with no physical exertion. something's happening. i reckon i've fallen in love with something/someone and don't even know it. haha
my dad is pestering me to use the com, so i shall let him. AI is on anyways.
marlz
3/29/2006 11:46:00 ap.