I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, helmikuuta 13, 2006
just shut the sound out
tomorrow is v day and initially my class wanted to do this gift exchange potluck thing but it got called off today. haha. that means no brownie making today. i think i'm very cheapo, all i ever do for gifts is bake (which costs a whole load less than a present and is a no brainer, which i feel very guilty over) when i told the class i was thinking of making brownies somebody exclaimed "i'll bring present for you!" or something of the like. haha. at least someone appreciates my cooking.
the thing that bothers me so much about v day really is they way it is so commercialized. seriously, why do couples all have to celebrate their love on one day? and on the beach some more! the beach is a sacred area. i despise that they all have to congregate there on one day. potentially a day where i wish to go to the beach cos it might be a holiday. this year it isn't, so i don't quite care, take the beach for all you want. but it does so ruin my brooding when i'm there and so are a whole group of twosomes. i want to be alone, not sharing my thoughts with them.
i'm feeling fairly poetic today, though the happiness from the previous post has sort of faded over the weekend. BUT there is this lingering sense of contentment that has come about due to a realization (pt 9 in the last post). but as i said i'm not at liberty to say what it is, so i came up with this nonsense:
a realization,
a newish whim
for me, is but
aught irish wit
o dearest death
the myrtle near me!
belief, titus, my mr nut
is naught but mashed lies
by midday be i
with the fell herd
or let that tear fall
oh you vile elusive onewhich i give permission to figure out but i'm guessing you never will. it is a true puzzle. that i'm proud of mind you, because i purposely set it so that no one would guess the sense in it, and the meaning behind the seeming hodge podge of words thrown together. and believe me, THERE IS a meaning behind it, so haha, i challenge brave souls out there to find out what i mean lol.
marlz
2/13/2006 03:28:00 ip.