marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, helmikuuta 06, 2006
influence
we started on that ultra short book today in lit lecture. so obviously we had to go through all that boring stuff about the biography of the author and things like then when dr s started on this thing or that influencing the writing of the book.
and as usual, my mind just took up the thought of something influencing another thing or somebody influencing someone and sort of ran away with it.
i really wonder if people, when influenced, do it unconciously or conciously. think about it a little. if a random event were to influence the way i write, would i know in particular what exactly that event was? or would i, when questioned about my writing style, just shrug (like i assume i would) and proclaim my ignorance with regards to the reason as to why i write the way i do? seriously, if i were to ask someone like orwell why he writes the way he do would he know? or would he just say, because i felt like it?
i personally think that influence is somewhat like dusk. it creeps into the day, so slowly that you don't notice it is dusk until it just is. so you won't notice you are influenced until you are, and go : oh dearie me, i've become a bad student because of hanging out with person A.
but i can't really decide whether it is a conscious decision or not. you have to allow yourself to be influenced in order to be influenced. you have to open your mind, your heart and your soul to the thing that you are going to be influenced by, or the person is going to influence you. so technically, i have to be willing to be influenced.
yet, that does not explain how come some people don't notice they have been influenced until something really major happens to them, or someone points it out. so they've made a conscious decision to be influenced, yet not be aware of it? it doesn't make any sense to me.
maybe, one can make a unconscious decision to be influenced, and thus sort of submit themselves to it, yet not know about it. i don't know. i've a weird feeling that i'm talking to myself in circles here. i for one, don't understand why i think the way i do, or have certain ideas. i believe that many of the thoughts i generate are influenced by something over the time of my life, but i don't know what.
haha i sound mad. we talked abt schizophrenia in lit too. i think madness is a very curious disease. do we allow ourselves to become mad, or do we become mad just like that.
i'd like to write something one day based on the perspective of a mad person. i want to be able to understand their minds, and be able to relate to it. i might turn mad in the process but hey, a little madness never hurt the world did it? makes it more interesting for the dull and serious people.
which reminds me that i've a lit essay to do. dang it the assignments are more these days (which is a good thing because it means there is LOADS of recap done just completing the assignments) and even more mind boggling as compared to last year. what i don't like, however, are the progressive writing things. what good is there in writing a paragraph hmm? i find i take longer to write a paragraph than it does to write an essay, and its because i cannot link it to anything. i cannot just flow with it like i always do (mr chen is so gonna mock me if he finds out i said this) and i have to think so much harder! i guess thats the whole point, but i don't like it.
grrrr. better get started on the said assignments.
marlz
ps: to you, if your message to me, or whatever you are trying to say to me is so important, kindly get round to doing it sooner, and in a straightforward manner. i do not appreciate people wasting my time with hints and stuff. if its gonna be that way, just drop the whole topic, because i will think of it as something not worth considering. thanks.
2/06/2006 01:27:00 ip.