I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

sunnuntai, helmikuuta 26, 2006

do fry?

the past week has been taxing, thus the lack of updates. my school week was spoilt entirely by certain events taking place. i was upset, i was snappy, i was quiet, i was fed up, i was teary. i needed alone time. loads of it.

i personally think that it wasn't just bcos of what took place, but also a host of other things, that made me feel so demoralized. i felt/feel like i just should give up, but i know i can't because i don't want to let my parents down, nor do i want to give up this incredible opportunity i've had of being in a junior college, of getting an education, or being able to learn, without having to worry about things that other people have to worry about. i have the power to be curious, and not worry whether i am allowed to go to school because of my gender, my race, or my religion. i realize the power of being able to learn, to know, to ask without having to consider anything else. and i think i ought to cherish it.

as it is, i still feel that i'm not that stable emotionally and mentally to face school with the determination i had previously, but i do think i have recovered enough from the stress and state of depression to face school with a smiley face, even if it may not be a reflection of my true emotions. i've decided to not to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore, unless i really can't take it and burst again. so world, be prepared for marlina sarah : the cheerful, the lame, the nonsensical and the downright retarded.

i need to thank a host of people that made me feel valued and loved and cared for when i was at my lowest. my class esp evie, trish, nurc, dari, aneesha, marilyn, lisa and andy, thank you for asking me if i was ok, and encouraging me not to give up. my dear darling twin jonjon, for listening, and cheering me up when i needed a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to me. to someone for the song which i still listen to when i'm down. i never fail to think of your smile and our nonsense when i feel sad, and though you don't always know it, i laugh just thinking about it.

i need to also apologize to some people for totally ignoring them, subjecting them to uncomfortable bouts of silence, rushing off for no reason, or snapping at them. my class: sorry for being to snappish and isolating myself frm you all. i didn't really know how to react to everything, and i guess that was my way out. band ppl : fabian, huikoon, zhengyi, kenny, wanwei, sarah, kinlok, ryan, james, weijie, kaiyan, and felix. sorry if i blew you off when you asked me if i was ok or why i was sad. esp kinlok since i think i snapped at you and wanwei since you accompanied me all the way home in silence. you ppl were prolly wondering what was up with me that day, even if i was trying hard not to make the fact that i was upset noticable.

ah. i shall care about this week no longer and think of the future.

and the future seems : bleak. why? i fell ill with a hacking cough, and i wonder if i'll ever recover, since its been plaguing me for what seems like ages. (read : 4 days) if it gets worse i'm going to drag myself to the doctor, whether or not i like it. hrmph.

i think peter pan is such a sad story. and i think i'll my post here. if not it'll be long.

marlz

sunnuntai, helmikuuta 26, 2006

do fry?

2/26/2006 01:40:00 ip.

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