I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, tammikuuta 12, 2006
back ache
first and foremost, thank you to all for the well wishes on my birthday! and the gift from van, nurc and rad. it was very nice! i loyke!
my parents gave me something totally unnecessary but that i like for a present. an mp3 player *smiles widely* i was a bit dumb and didn't recognize it for what it was when i first saw it, so i asked what it was. hah.
i've settled into routine very easily this year. perhaps it is because of the my own expectations of the year ahead. i don't know. i'm starting to feel entrapped again. routine isn't something that i like. then again, i've never had a penchant for the mundane. i miss the orientation. everything was new, everything was unique. each day, each moment different. i'm making sure i pick a job like that in future. it has to be a joy, a challenge, a passion and something exciting. all at the same time.
so, you say that everyday is different. sure, but i say that its too little of a difference. i drift in, drift out. same ol' clockwork precision. the same rustling of papers. the same people telling you to do the same things. the same chatter and same pens. yes. its different, but its still all the same. don't you see? i want excitement. i want something that will sweep me off my feet and make me run for fear that i can't catch up. literally. something that makes my heart pound in anticipation.
its something like how i feel when i'm onstage with the band. i feel the energy coursing through the room and take it all in. i let my body, my mind, my heart, even my soul ride on that wave of energy. and then i take things a notch higher and higher, till i'm soaring and no one can pull me down until i'm willing to come. and when i do, i feel exhilirated, and energized. most importantly,
i feel ready for more.
not like school. it makes me feel like crawling up in some hole would be of more interest to me. i thank my class for making everything so much more bearable. nothing beats having a class who would rush down to the lt 10 min before the lecture starts, knowing full well that there are still people in there, just so that they can grab the best seats in the lt. nothing beats having a class that is so hyper that their tutor keeps asking them whether they are ok. nothing beats having classmates who patiently bear your taunting and then try and get back at you, in the name of fun. nothing beats having a class like A202. they spice things up, they make things alive. i'd hate to be in any other class.
nothing is more routine than school. i wish there was more spontaneity about it. but there you go, when you're studying for a certificate you can't afford to be fun and exciting. you have to be nerdy and dull. and YES i've been studying and completing my assignments. despite me complaining. i do like brainwork you know. but not when its the same everyday.
gee whiz, i hope i graduate in one piece.
marlz
1/12/2006 01:10:00 ip.