I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, joulukuuta 02, 2005
finally
i was pondering last night as i lay on my bed, stoning before i fell asleep, whether i should change my blog, close down my blog or change my blogging style.
i feel intimidated and inferior when i read other blogs. somehow they seem to be superior to mine, so much more coherent and they certainly don't endlessly ramble about their selves and personal lives as i do. even xiaxue, who is highly unreliable to pass on info in her blog because she's too opinionated, seems to blog about issues that are more relevant to society (even though most of the time i think its trash talk, cos it HAS to concern her) than mine.
in fact, i have never understood why people like blogging about "hot" topics. even if they do express their opinion about it and make a good point in the process, i don't think that their words would have effect on anything. they are WORDS after all. words don't get you anywhere, unless you're a jounalist or a famous writer. otherwise, they don't change things.
and half the time, they end up getting flamed, jailed or are told to close down their blog because they did express their opinion. so far, i've been very lucky, cos no one has even posted "i hate you" or "go and die you ugly friendless toad you" messages on my tagboard, or as a comment. so i know i'm determined not to talk about anything political, or sensitive, unless i feel that my fingers are itchy and that i cannot contain my anger about it anymore, like my post about the terrorism issue. even then, i tried to be as diplomatic as possible.
but the question lies here. am i being too personal when i blog. i'm afraid of people reading my blog, even though the main purpose of a blog is to braodcast your feelings to the whole wide world. i find that i've always blogged for myself and no one else, so i blog as if no one else is reading except for me. and even if i do leave a message in a post, i don't expect anyone to respond, because i believe no one would give a hoot about my daily dose of love. and don't ask me to keep a diary because i believe typing is so much easier as compared to writing. as a blogger, i've got terrible language and a horribly laid back style. i'm not fulfilling what bloggers are reputed to be. the online journalists of the future. so i really don't know whether to close down my blog or not.
i like blogging i really do. but suddenly feel as i'm not up to it, as some people are. especially when i blog hop as see what a marvellous job others are making of it. i'm here stuck in rut, and basically, just telling the world what i love and want i don't. as if anyone would care. my blog won't do anything except to help me feel better at the end of the day, when i just have to let off some steam.
i might move to a new adress? i don't know. i'm still undecided about that.
bleah. now that i've contemplated closing down my blog i feel mighty depressed. i like my style. but i really don't quite know how to go about this problem. to close down, move away or just remain and look like a fool?
marlz
12/02/2005 01:18:00 ip.