I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, lokakuuta 28, 2005
Invasion!
something has invaded my stomach and made it ache like never before, and i've got diarrhoea since yesterday. terrible
something has invaded my dreams and i know what it is! PW. i cannot just sleep and not dream of PW. its highly annoying, and i wish i would stop dreaming abt PW. and that day i dreamt i got sent to Ms Lai for poor results. woke up very shaken. all i could think was "Thank God thats not real yet"
many tiny people have invaded my head and live there and thus the dumb picture in the previous post =)
i found out today that i shouldn't have worried over getting O's. in the end, the midyear (FOO) plus the CA (which i don't know) and my promos (BCD) added up to an overall CDD. am i glad that i've escaped the realm of ao level passes. i did so badly want a full set of A level passes, even if they are mediocre.
although i'm happy to say that i've been promoted, i'm also rather sad that there are people whom i know who cannot be guaranteed the same. it's scary to see people upset, storm off, cry, and have to take that dreaded trip to Ms Lai's office. Mole got bad results. and yet, no matter how badly i dislike mole, i could not find any resentful feelings in my heart and nor could i rejoice like most people who dislike mole would, when i saw the expression on mole's face after the results. i want mole to promote.
another person i know from the class next to mine whom i know for sometime now also was affected. and i was quite sad to see his expression as well, cos i knew something is not right the moment i saw it. we've been rather cold, hostile even, to each other over the time that we've known each other. but i don't wish him any unhappiness or trouble either. although i can't really say that i'm fond of or chummy with him, i want him to promote too. more happy people, regardless of who they are, make life beautiful.
i want everyone to be promoted. and it is my greatest wish that EVERYONE is MJCSB and 05A202 gets promoted. the latter, which i'm sure of already, made me so relieved. i have yet to know how MJCSB fared. i pray that everyone got promoted. it would be terrible if anyone had to leave band because their parents felt it was taking up too much of their time. or even worse. that they leave school and never come back to band anymore. i may not be close to everyone, but i do know enough of everyone to know that they are nice people. since they constitute us, i hope everyone is promoted.
i don't know how to feel right now, honestly. i want to celebrate over my results. but i look over my shoulder, and i look around me and i feel that i don't have the mood to celebrate my results. there is a certain heaviness of heart that comes with seeing people upset over their results, or certain that they will leave college.
ARGH. its at times like these that i feel i want to escape reality, and not believe that it exists. but the sad truth is that it does, and that sometimes, there is nothing that i can do to change the outcome. i can only hope for and pray for the best.
10/28/2005 11:19:00 ap.