maanantaina, lokakuuta 31, 2005
HATE
i don't think anyone can understand the rage i feel right now.after pondering abt it, i don't understand why religion is such a volatile issue to discuss still. most of the world's dominant religions are peaceful ones. maybe they aren't the same, and don't have exactly the same teachings, but i don't think any of these said religions teach people to kill and to hurt other fellow human beings.
so since it isn't religion at the root of the problem, then what is? my take on this issue is that its a lack of tolerance and discrimination between different groups of people that causes the current rift between different societies.
i hate the fact that all i hear on the news these days are of bomb blasts and terrorist threats and everything to do with people getting killed. and half of those people aren't even at fault. they act as the sacrificial lamb for these terrorists to prove their point.
and the thing is, i don't quite get what is their point. do they want money? hardly, i don't think anyone could use religion as an excuse to gain wealth without being stoned to death on their way to prayers. power? freedom? simply to be heard? what. just what is it that they want. i don't know. perhaps its a mixture of everything. and it only makes the situation more frustrating because one does not know exactly what made these people decide to kill hundreds of people and take away their human rights in the blink of an eye. in the name of what? religion? i say that is hypocritical.
i particularly despise that most people think that terrorist is automatically equal to muslim. i find it unfortunate that some of my fellow muslims believe that killing people is the right thing to do and think that it is in the name of islam, particularly now, during ramadhan. however, i don't think that it gives anyone the right to generalize and discriminate against muslim people at all, or to call us fanatics. i'm talking abt a particular country here. i think these people are totally ignorant. and hoity toity and arrogant. AND then they have the cheek to discriminate against anyone who not only is muslim, but comes from asia and does not look chinese or jap.
its annoying. i'm just toally sick of the destruction and seeing the world crumbling. i want so much to believe that there will be better days ahead, but i don't know if there can truly be such days if such problems persist. i'm sick of turning on the telly and hearing people crying for their loved ones, or screaming in pain. its heart wrenching. and then i hate that muslims are viewed as peace destroyers and have twisted views of religion. 911 only gave an excuse for the world to blame someone, and because that someone was muslim, all other muslims were dragged down too.
how can i give a daily dose of love, if all i see and hear in the news is a daily dose of hate.
i wish people had more sense
marlz
10/31/2005 01:13:00 ip.
sunnuntai, lokakuuta 30, 2005
isi in his previously handsome state
i've always wondered what made my mom marry my dad.was it his incessant chatter that no one listens to?
his jokes that no one laughs at?
his terrible dress sense?
the way he overexaggerates and makes a bee attacking him seem like he just survived an alien attack?
what. just what made him appealing enough for a pretty young lady like my mom to marry him?
its not as if he was *gasp* handsome or anything...
BUT that was until i found THIS picture.
i'm not one to advocate that you have to marry someone who has looks. in fact, judging from my pick of guys in school, i'd definitely say that looks don't make my list of priorities. though i wouldn't say it hurts if you have them =).
and for my dad's case, i would say that he needed the looks to back him up badly. *giggles* since he actually thinks that farting is romantic.
so yes, isi was previously handsome. now i know why my mom married him. thank gdness i found the picture. or else i would be confused my entire life how my mother married him, and thus became the reason for me to come to exist.
oh ya. i finished reading the hobbit. quite nice. but that's coming from a LOTR fan, so take it with a pinch of salt. but i must say very truthfully that it is less "heavy", as some people have told me LOTR is. a lot less description. i want to live in the shire. seriously.
best of luck to all the peepz (including me) for the AO Level MT exam tomorrow...
toodles~
marlz
10/30/2005 01:02:00 ip.
perjantaina, lokakuuta 28, 2005
Invasion!
something has invaded my stomach and made it ache like never before, and i've got diarrhoea since yesterday. terriblesomething has invaded my dreams and i know what it is! PW. i cannot just sleep and not dream of PW. its highly annoying, and i wish i would stop dreaming abt PW. and that day i dreamt i got sent to Ms Lai for poor results. woke up very shaken. all i could think was "Thank God thats not real yet"
many tiny people have invaded my head and live there and thus the dumb picture in the previous post =)
i found out today that i shouldn't have worried over getting O's. in the end, the midyear (FOO) plus the CA (which i don't know) and my promos (BCD) added up to an overall CDD. am i glad that i've escaped the realm of ao level passes. i did so badly want a full set of A level passes, even if they are mediocre.
although i'm happy to say that i've been promoted, i'm also rather sad that there are people whom i know who cannot be guaranteed the same. it's scary to see people upset, storm off, cry, and have to take that dreaded trip to Ms Lai's office. Mole got bad results. and yet, no matter how badly i dislike mole, i could not find any resentful feelings in my heart and nor could i rejoice like most people who dislike mole would, when i saw the expression on mole's face after the results. i want mole to promote.
another person i know from the class next to mine whom i know for sometime now also was affected. and i was quite sad to see his expression as well, cos i knew something is not right the moment i saw it. we've been rather cold, hostile even, to each other over the time that we've known each other. but i don't wish him any unhappiness or trouble either. although i can't really say that i'm fond of or chummy with him, i want him to promote too. more happy people, regardless of who they are, make life beautiful.
i want everyone to be promoted. and it is my greatest wish that EVERYONE is MJCSB and 05A202 gets promoted. the latter, which i'm sure of already, made me so relieved. i have yet to know how MJCSB fared. i pray that everyone got promoted. it would be terrible if anyone had to leave band because their parents felt it was taking up too much of their time. or even worse. that they leave school and never come back to band anymore. i may not be close to everyone, but i do know enough of everyone to know that they are nice people. since they constitute us, i hope everyone is promoted.
i don't know how to feel right now, honestly. i want to celebrate over my results. but i look over my shoulder, and i look around me and i feel that i don't have the mood to celebrate my results. there is a certain heaviness of heart that comes with seeing people upset over their results, or certain that they will leave college.
ARGH. its at times like these that i feel i want to escape reality, and not believe that it exists. but the sad truth is that it does, and that sometimes, there is nothing that i can do to change the outcome. i can only hope for and pray for the best.
10/28/2005 11:19:00 ap.
lauantaina, lokakuuta 22, 2005
mambo!
i haven't been updating because of PW. terribly busy. and i was foolish enough to think that i would be free after promos. 2 words. utter nonsenseso loads of things have happened since. open house at meridian, WR submission, getting back papers, OP preparation, OGL interview. all of which leave me drained. i haven't been out in a long time. partly because i don't like walking down town where people stare at you for no reason (for me the reason would be that i'm the other =\) and also hugely because i simply don't have the time. i haven't even gone cycling, or to cut my hair. ARGH. there's so many things that i want to do.
and i feel tired because i've been home late numerous times, and having a lack of sleep because of PW. the home late numerous times also makes me want to sleep longer, and my mom can't wake me up on time thus leading to this...
=(
i need some shut-eye.
BUT no, i have to continue to ploughon through my OP preparations with the rest of the group. but for now, i want to take a nap...
shall do a proper update later. toodles~
marlz
10/22/2005 12:09:00 ip.
tiistaina, lokakuuta 18, 2005
agora?!
i got rid of a number of things this week.1st on my list was that ugly thing dangling on my guitar. as i went closer i found out it was a string that snapped. need to get my baby restringed. the strings lasted relatively long, which is 1. a bad thing because it means i've not been practising enough, and 2. a good thing because it means that i've taken good care of my guitar. see, it can work both ways
number 2 was my friendster account. its become positively redundant. i don't use it because other ppl do to surf here and surf there. i also dunno where ppl surf already. better just delete the account. i tried to, but the stupid thing said my email was invalid. even better. sooner or later, the thing will delete itself. so GOOD. that kinda stuff is for ppl who have a lot of time on their hands, like i used to.
number 3 was the dust in my room. i vacuumed it all away. so now i have a nice dust free shelf and table. abt time. i believe some things were gathering cobwebs. like my o lvl music stuff. my mom was asking me whether they could be disposed of and i think i gave her a look as if she had just eaten my brother. cannot. o level music notes and scores will stay with me for as long as the paper can last. it will only be disposed of the natural way. meaning it has to rot away before i throw lar. its just too precious
number 4 were the clothes that i don't need. all give to the blue bad ppl. now i've loads more cupboard room.
number 5 was something that cannot be touched, smelt, tasted, heard or seen. =)
must think of what to get rid of next. its almost like therapy you know.
congrats to kati on her new tattoo! its uber pretty...
i am now as sleepy as froggy girl was at band prac just now. better get some sleep. toodles~
marlz
10/18/2005 02:13:00 ip.
lauantaina, lokakuuta 15, 2005
post promos
i was rather depressed that i had to go to school after the promos instead of having marking days like other schools do. AND having band prac aft the full day which ends at 5 pm made me feel like tearing my hair out. i would have much rather had a marking day where we could have the whole day for band practice. pairing band practice with school however, isn't that much fun.but, like most things, the whole problem just worked itself out. on the first day, me and the other class dudes and dudettes decided to play cards, and then go to the library where, i suspect, we were a tad bit too loud when we chatted. i learnt quite a bit abt card games that you could play with uno cards. and then i headed home to catch up on some sleep before coming back to school for band prac.
on the second day, we stayed to watch lisa play floorball for phobos, and then at 9 we (Van, NurC, Rad, Wanwen, Marlz) left to watch Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. the music was breathtaking. i wished it never had to end. but like all beautiful music, it had to end somewhere, and i left the movie theatre with the others.
the tickets cost us $6, it being a budget trip. and the seats were rough, and my legs cramped up every 5 minutes because of the lack of leg room. there was this sweet musty smell that is reminiscent of a hidden library that smells of old, decaying books and dust. but otherwise i do believe that the trip was worth it. at any rate, the movie and the company i had was good, and the people that worked there were smiley. and, the music still is ringing in my head. i seriously wish i could live in that movie, just for those few haunting tunes. nothing would be more delightful.
tim burton has to be a genius. i can't think of any other explanation to how he could produce both Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as well as The Corpse Bride at the same time, without making them seem exactly the same. The Corpse Bride has truckloads of Tim Burton's humour in the mix and the way the figures in the movie move so realistically is definitely a plus too. and then there is the way that he depicts the living being so lifeless and the dead being full of life, and the puns that are used liberally all around. NurC couldn't help but point out the literary devices in the movie. so go watch! its real nice, and if you don't like the usual Hollywood storylines then its definitely your cup of tea.
watched brainiac as usual. wicked stuff. if you know me properly i love to rave abt this show. this week i learnt that it is impossible to hum while pinching your nose and without opening your mouth. another week i learnt that it was impossible to rotate your right hand clockwise and your right foot anticlockwise simultaneously. and whats the purpose of learning this you may ask? just for the fun of it. it gives you some convo starters and proves for the ones who disbelieve that science can be fun. a weekly dose of it ought to get you smiling in no time. hehe.
i love my blue ring! its so pretty.
and i've fallen in love with books! Charles Dicken's The Old Curiosity Shop. lovely. and i re-read Jane Eyre for the umpteenth time. its so nice to prowl the fiction section of the library without feeling guilty. i read Salome that day in the library too, but i didn't get to finish it. i want to go buy some books. a book-and-CD shopping spree. thats what i need before starting on PW for good.
have relatives coming over for buka puasa. so fun. that means i have to clear all the papers that are strewn all over my room because of the promos and make it look decent enough for viewing. around now-ish. so then, toodles~
marlz
10/15/2005 04:43:00 ap.
tiistaina, lokakuuta 11, 2005
von bondies
i thought that the last paper of the promos would be the easiest. NOPE. not a chance. it wasn't exactly that the paper was difficult. it was because the hall was so cold that my thinking was impaired, my finger couldn't bend, i had the most terrible time trying to grip my pen and write. how to do exam when cannot write i ask you? vexed. utterly vexed with myself and my performance.the econs paper wasn't too bad, just that i forgot what nominal and real definitions were, i only remembered the formula. and i had momentum. but all for what? only to be lost to the air surrounding me during the later paper. first thing i did was dash out of that frozen hell and straight to the toilet. terrible.
the weekend was great though. i received a rather disappointing email from who else but jake-a-boo! who told me that we had to cancel our outing because he was heading to thailand. oh well. another time then. i CONFIRM am not going to forfeit this outing. CANNOT. must meet must meet must meet.
besides that the weekend was great. number 1. i learned how to fry tahu, though alot of screaming is still involved. must learn how to get rid of the screaming.
number 2. i took weird photos with my brother with turned out weird cos he looks like a red indian and i look like an eskimo. if not for the similar features and expression, you'd never guess we were siblings.
number 3. me and my brother rediscovered the song helena. =)
number 4. i fell in love with a song from the von bondies!
number 5. i acted like a lunatic. its fun =)
number 6. i told got jealous because tiong li is got to go watch micheal buble in concert and not pay a single penny. and i swear he gloated! why why, am i and micheal just not meant to be? =(
number 7. i had heavenly sleep.
number 8. säsä asked me to send him a postcard
many nice things about the weekend. and that was only after geog and malay ao. wonder what i will do now since the promos are officially over.
i was trying to search for the uniklubi musicvideo rakkautta ja piikkilanka. no such luck. just have to try and get my hands on the cd instead. and if ppl think that uniklubi is bad, try nightwish. thats a band i CANNOT take. its just too eeeee... at least uniklubi has mellower songs like näiden tähtien alla. see, they aren't that bad.
oh and you know you know, the rasmus has a new album out which i so want to get my hands on. i want i want.
unlimited wants, limited resources. haha.
the jukebox in my head has been alternating between jaded by aerosmith, and noah's ark, at the song of hope onwards. band is going to take up my time yet again. have to regain my former tone or an improved one which would be much better. and i pray that my breath support has not changed at all! i was barely getting by with it, being new to the bass clarinet and all. darn. more hard work just when i want to relax. but its fun, so nvm.
i can fall in love with books again! the liberation i feel is just so overwhelming that i feel like the wide wide roaring sea. powerful, untamed, free.
to huda, i'm here for you. we'll go watch a horror movie and scream our guts out ok?
and to vanessa, you're hair is pretty, don't fret about ppl like AH LONG, who have NO SENSE OF STYLE. some ppl ar, rather idolize freakshow Duke lookalikes that sweet looking girls like you.
and to the rest. enjoy your freedom while you can. PW and AO MT is about to descend onto our poor unprotected heads. somebody save us...
toodles~
marlz
10/11/2005 09:05:00 ap.
lauantaina, lokakuuta 08, 2005
spaghetti
i can't resist the temptation to blog...so here it goes (oh, btw, its purely fictional)it was very late on the night of the fateful incident.
clouds flash out in the cold night. a lightshow played outside my window for all the world to see, lighting the bare trees and desolate landscape in a most pretty fashion. it was the perfect night to indulge in a crackling fire, a warm mug of cocoa and a good book. nothing better or more luxurious that a good book and cocoa on stormy nights like these.
i didn't know nature could pick up and externalize the profound hurt that i felt earlier that day. the rain continued to pelt the field outside as i settled in a cozy position under the sheets.
the clock ticking by my bedside was comforting. my eyelids started to droop. suddenly, i felt the overwhelming desire to let the book fall, ever so gently, from the tips of my fingers and sleep. i succumbed to it and let the rhythmic ticking beside me lull me to sleep. i was breathing deeply and softly in moments.
the nightly tapping on the window woke me up. it got louder and louder, much louder than ever before, and i woke with a start, wondering what was its source.
i could not see it in the complete darkness that engulfed me as i sat up in my bed. pulling the sheet off me, i got out of bed and walked to the window. there was nothing there. i tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. perhaps that was it. my imagination.
then i heard a faint knocking downstairs. my nerves were on end. i relit my lamp and shrouded myself in a wrap hanging at the foot of my bed. all was quiet outside. the storm was over.
i descended into the darkness in my living room, the floorboards creaking with each footstep. i was sure of it this time. someone was knocking on the front door. i felt an uneasiness that i had never felt before in the pit of my stomach, and pinched myself to ensure i was not still dreaming. to my dismay, i wasn't.
i approached the front door with caution, though i know not why i did. the doorknob was as cold as ice, and i shivered momentarily, pondering whether it was wise to open the door at all. finally i decided to take a peep, just to make sure.
i opened the door by a fraction and gingerly peered out into the darkness. who was this person who had woken me in the wee hours of the morning? my voice faltered as i called out, "who's there?".
i saw a little dark man standing on my front porch and he asked me for directions. at the sound of his voice my blood froze in my veins. against my instincts, i wrenched the door open, to get a better look at this man who evoked such fear in me.
he stood in the shadows, with his face shaded by a black hat. i felt as if he towered over me, although he stood at a height just a little below my eye level. suddenly the little black man did not seem that little at all.
again, in his chillingly low and grim voice he asked for whitfield manor. to my surprise, it was me he looked for. i enquired of the name of this stranger and what it was that made him seek me at this time of the night.
he paused and let out a laugh that was low and sinister. he gazed at me intensely with his black eyes that burned with a fire that i cannot describe. he removed his hat, revealing tousled dark hair. a draft blew past me into the house, and all lights seemed to dim as he offered his hand to me. i could only see him, myself and nothing else, as i took it.
holding my white fingers in a vice-like grip, he whispered in my ear with a voice so deliciously dangerous the terrifying answer to my question.
that was the day death knocked on my door.
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i know what most people are prolly saying by now : cheezy. i promise i'll not do this often ok. never been good with narrative in the first place.
oh well, i shall succumb to sleep myself soon before my head plops down on the keyboard. toodles~
marlz
10/08/2005 04:47:00 ip.
perjantaina, lokakuuta 07, 2005
promos
i feel so liberated. GEOG is over!!!!i feel like i was carrying a backpack filled with all the rock types in the world. igneous, sedimentary, metamorphic. =) anyways, i discarded the backpack today. though i didn't finish the last part of the environmental management essay i did my best. and i hope that my studying payed off. i am a bit worried though, because of the DRQ. it seems everyone in my class did 4 population geog questions and 1 rocks and landforms question. I, being the insane loony maniacal hag that i am, did 4 ROCKS AND LANDFORMS DRQs and 1, ONLY 1, popln geog DRQ. whether it will pay off i don't know. i found them doable, but then again,i've found that at jc level, whatever you find doable tends to come back and bite you in the backside, so i don't know whether that is a good sign.
coastal geomorphology essay was just as i expected, and i did write alot, perhaps even a tad bit too much.as for part b of the environmental essay, i wrote about nuclear energy. later i asked ah long how the paper was and he was floating on air. a big change from monday when he came out from the exam hall asking which bus goes to temasek poly frm mj. thats prolly due to the fact that he studied geog MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more than any other of our subjects. so i guess it payed off for him. for now i'll just have to pray that i get the A lvl pass that i desire for geog.
i certainly don't have economy of words. you know what i did? i wrote the longest ever malay essay in my malay essay history. 6 pages. YEP. a royal 6 pages. how i did it i don't know myself, considering that i could barely muster a 1 and a half page essay in the beggining of this year and in the past. i still cannot believe i wrote 6 pages. it means more mistakes. but oh well, whats done is done and i shall not brood over the mistakes i may have made.
the section 2 of malay was quite ok. i obediently memorized my peribahasa since i didn't want to let down Cikgu Raihana, undoubtably the best cikgu i've ever had and probably will have. its for you Cikgu! anyways, all the peribahasa that i know came out : kena batang hidung, fitrah manusia, potong leher, pasang badan, mendukung biawak hidup.so that went well. other parts were a bit tricky, and i'm not sure how i'll fare. but i hope i won't let cikgu down. i really hope not.
then there was wednesday's econs and thursday's lit. i didn't finish my econs essay on wednesday, but it was part a of question 5, and i finished everything else. i hope i did fine, but i'm definitely going to go all out for the DRQ and MCQ on this coming tuesday
lit however, was a disaster. especially the shakespeare paper. i dieded. did the madness question and i went rambling on and on about the professional madness, the real madness and the feigned madness present in the play. AND i did something stupid, which was to include the idea that ms lim told me not to include in the essay, that was prolly risky. i think i just sleepy so i didn't realise that i wrote it in until afterwards. it was that madness was a necessary evil because it served as a means by which self discovery is acheived and true individual identity is uncovered for King Lear, who is used to viewing himself and taking on the role of what society expects him to be, a great king. STUPID RIGHT. haiyah, i don't know. and i talked about alot more lar. it seems like i'm killing trees in the process of trying to get promoted. to think that i study geography. tsk tsk.
i did the "trangressive figures are the hallmark of the Gothic tradition" question for paper 4. i don't know about that one either. God willing i will pass and get the grade that i'm hoping for. insya'allah.
now i'm left with a long weekend to study for the coming two papers. to all who wished me luck like dear oke and my bro wj, thank you many many and i wish you all the best for your papers too...
toodles~
marlz
10/07/2005 11:45:00 ap.
maanantaina, lokakuuta 03, 2005
printing press
its the 2 days before the promos and i'm blogging. i should not, but i cannot help it because if i don't i'll just stare blankly at the paper on wednesday and think about the things that i had to blog about today. that qualifies as a valid excuse right?and yes, i've kicked into study mode for quite some time now and sacrificed on a number of things, tv, sleep and hours loafing abt on the sofa being among others. and i'm proud to say i've been productive, memorized a heckuva lot and am confident on certain topics. thats thanks to study time in the library, at the GO benches and pretty much every where i go (including the 'white throne', as mr aaron tan likes to put it) so i must say that if i don't get promoted i'm going to be very very very disappointed. i must i must i must i must.
the week's been pretty eventful despite the studying, i've discovered that studying with andy is productive, as is studying with vanessa and justin and anand. i've found out that others aren't so good to study with because their either a) too smart and great ego shatterers or b) too keen on discussing which subject is their best and not really focusing on the studying at all. otherwise, studying with myself is still the best. i found that alex ang thinks that taking 3 arts subjects is equal to willingly putting your head on the chopping block, and i've also mastered the art of avoiding people. see, all has been good!
then on friday my mother and her sisters decided to hold a barbeque which, of course, i attended, it being a family gathering that i cannot miss out on. my cousins nearly enticed me to stay the night but i decided not to. one reason was because i was planning study that night and to head to school the next day for more mugging. the other was because every time i faced the beach i'd look out for some piece on junk floating out there so that i could be sure that littoral drift actually exists. at that pt i knew i was a bit off becuase littoral drift does exist and i was seeing imaginary sediment being deposited up the beach by swash. studying geography does wonders. so i cycled home at around 12 mdnite which was nice.
besides that everything's been same old same old.
i'm positively elated that fasting month (ramadhan) is peeking around the corner, and officially starts on wednesday. if i think of the fact that wednesday is also the start of the promos as a minor detail, i definitely can be happy. *beams* fasting rocks my lime green polka dotted panties i tell you! (not that i wear lime green polka dotted panties. it is a rather gruesome image if you think about it)
ramadhan means new found energy, it means making kuih, it means spring cleaning, it means being able to buka puasa together with my relatives, it means meeting my cousins, it means helping my mother to sew very long curtains until 4 am in the morning, and it means fasting. and thats the least of it. i love this time of the year cos you can literally smell the festivities in the air a month before the festivities begin, and it means being happy and feeling good all month long.
can't wait for wednesday. gotta mug gotta mug~
marlz