tiistaina, syyskuuta 27, 2005
cows
8 days left = time to tango. if not, you're dead.today i revealed my future plans to my classmates. 1. become a farmers wife, or some other profession that requires hard manual labour and is run by the family, and have loads of children, or at least enough to form a soccer team. they exclaimed in surprise and said i'm weird. some fun things i'd like to do either as a farmer's wife or as something else:
- wake up everyday in the wee hours of the morning and milk the cows
- operate a kiln
- make pots in some remote place in the country
- become a gardener and spend time smelling and planting tea roses
- engage in the harvest as part of family labour
- pack tomatoes and potatoes into sacks and deliver them al over town
- bake and sell my treats
- shovel snow in the streets during winter
- live in and operate a lighthouse
- make jams and preservatives and sell them around town
- live in a caravan and travel around
- spend afternoons grooming horses
- feed the chickens
- slave over a hot stove
- plant cucumbers and turnips in spring
- pick mushrooms and dry them for pies
- plough the fields
- go out to sea and catch fish (in a sustainable way of course, no overfishing)
and the list goes on.
oh dear, i realise i might be stoned on the way to school tomorrow by a gang of feminists who hate me for wasting their decade long efforts to reform societal expectations of women. sorry girls =)
i'm seriously contemplating the slave over a hot stove, grooming horses and becoming a gardner who plants tea roses. see how i can achieve my goals
anyways, the class didn't say i was werd when i said this soon afterwards : if love were a choice, why would anyone choose such exquisite pain.
bleah. i think i AM weird. oh well.
time to MUG. toodles~
marlz
9/27/2005 09:40:00 ap.
perjantaina, syyskuuta 23, 2005
letting off steam
2nd post in a day. i need to let off some steam so shoot me.had a mix up today during school. yesterday i told mr tan i was going to come for econs consultation, but it turns out i had already booked a lit consultation with ms lim earlier, so i cannot pang seh her. i think he's kinda pissed cos he saw me with ms lim while heading to class AND anand took a green form so he couldn't come for the consultation either. how unfortunate.i am quite annoyed over the entire thing but i just had to keep the appointment that i booked earlier, so it was a matter of having no choice.
well, that being done with, my head is about to explode and start spewing blood and brain juice. think krakatoa without the sulphur and pumice flying about. when it happens, it'll be off the scale. but i'm trying to grit my teeth and hold on for now. i need to do more analysis of measure for measure, so that i'll be slightly ahead, bt i think my "slightly ahead" means left behind by the rest of the class. i'm trying my best to move at the fastest speed possible while still maintaining an efficiency level and make sure my brains doesn't have a profitability that is less that my cost during the exams such that i will fulfil the shut down condition.
DARN. i'm rambling.
one thought i generated during my stoning on the bus this morning. if i were to describe my 3 a lvl subjects as slopes, they'd probably be of this form.
geography : an alternation between rectilinear slopes and free face rock walls. everytime there is a slope that you overcome there is a steep one to climb that will cause you to feel as if the slope is never ending.
economics : a rectilinear slope with a rather straight bedding plane, of a substance that has a fairly steep angle of repose. you just have to keep on climbing, despite your exhatustion, because if you stop moving, you'll prolly slide down as promptly as lisa on a curved bedding plane.
literature : not a slope, its the darned Himalayas. all you can do is stand there in awe since its so sublime, but you never know whats coming your way since it is ever so distant, though it looks as if you can brush the very peaks with your fingertips.
if that doesn't give anyone a clue on how my revision has been going, then don't tell me since it i'm just too zapped to care.
i got my geog project that i slaved over back. we got an A! so.happy.
i realise, during my second reading of measure for measure, that i felt as if i was watching a madhouse production during the provess. the most important member of the crew would be one of those circus hosts with a black top hat, long dark cloak, candy cane striped knee length socks and a whip in hand and who has a special ability to blend in with the wallpaper from time to time (the Duke).
then there'd be a group of drunken pirates with a wicked sense of humour who stagger about, seeking to deflower tipsy young maids dressed in white lacey dresses (Vienna's community).
i can also picture seeing a rosy cheeked woman dressed like a shrew, walking around with a grey knee length veil perpetually trying to hide behind some shrubs while she talks to you (Isabella) and a rather snooty man with an aristocratic looking nose who quotes the bible to you at every possible opportunity (Angelo).
in the background, i pictured a head rolling with a grin plastered permanently over it being kicked like a soccer ball by a lady who vaguely resembles the statue of liberty, just that she's blindfolded. oh, and there's a man selling prunes and popcorn, with a lot of hysterical laughter, circus music and a group of nuns who pass by as if they are crossing the road who sigh heavily, shake their heads in disapproval and start to pray for the people's souls.
i have proven that i have the weirdest imagination.
toodles~
marlz
9/23/2005 01:47:00 ip.
interesting
am in the school library now researching on population policies of the Russian Federation when i came across this article that is particularly quite interesting to me off this site that i chanced upon while searching: http://www.esaimaa.fi/arkisto/vanhat/2003/05/21/teemat/sunnuntai/juttu1/sivu.htmlLAPPEENRANTA
ANTTI O. ARPONEN
Taina Heinonen oli 10-vuotias kun hänen isänsä Toivo Parikka kuoli jatkosodassa. Lentomestari Parikan ohjaama lentokone syöksyi maahan 18. elokuuta 1943. Seppo Nevalainen jäi sotaorvoksi talvisodassa. Hänen isänsä Anselm Nevalainen kaatui Suomussalmen Raatteella 6. tammikuuta 1940. Seppo oli silloin 4-vuotias.
Vuosien 1939-1945 sodissa kuoli 90 000 suomalaista. Osa heistä oli perheettömiä nuorukaisia, mutta osa perheellisiä, naimisissa olleita miehiä. Sotien päättyessä Suomessa oli melkein 50 000 sotaorpoa.
Tänään vietetään Kaatuneiden muistopäivää. Itsenäinen Suomi liputtaa heidän kunniakseen.
- Sotaorvot ovat selviytyjiä. He joutuivat lapsuudessaan kokemaan sellaista, mikä kasvatti tulevaan elämään. Minäkin jouduin 10-vuotiaana vastaamaan perheen pienemmistä lapsista äidin apuna. Paavo oli 7-vuotias, Pirjo 4-vuotias ja Riitta vain 1-vuotias, muistelee Taina Heinonen.
Taina Heinosella on tallessa isänsä ja äitinsä kirjeenvaihtoa sotavuosilta. Lentomestari Toivo Parikka oli mukana ensin talvisodassa 1939-1940 ja sitten kesästä 1941 jatkosodassa. Hän teki paljon raskaita ja salaisia lentomatkoja kuljettaen kaukopartiomiehiä vihollisen rintamalinjojen taakse ja hakien sissejä sieltä pois.
Isä kantoi huolta
kotirintaman perheestä
Kirjeissä Toivo Parikka huolehtii koko ajan lapsistaan ja perheen toimeentulosta kotona. Hän lähetti rintamalta säännöllisesti rahaa kotiin.
Kesällä 1943 lentomestari Parikka pääsi rintamalta Keski-Suomeen lepäämään ja kouluttamaan uusia lentäjiä. Valitettavasti opetuslento Luonetjärvellä 18. elokuuta 1943 päättyi maahansyöksyyn, jossa kolme sotilasta kuoli. Tapauksen syy ei koskaan selvinnyt.
Parikan perheeseen jäi neljä sotaorpoa.
- Minun on pakko tunnustaa, että en ole isän kuoleman jälkeen koskaan enää tuntenut turvallisuutta. Olen tuntenut turvallisuuden puutetta siitä lähtien. Isän eläessä oli turvallista, hän oli iso ja turvallinen mies, sanoo Taina Heinonen.
Sodassa kuolee miehiä, mutta tieto läheisen kaatumisesta oli aina järkytys. Taina Heinonen sanoo, että hän muistaa tarkasti lopun ikäänsä sen päivän, kun tuli tieto isän kuolemasta.
"Äiti meni
aivan shokkiin"
- Olin 10-vuotias ja tajusin jo kaikki asiat täysin.Äiti meni aivan shokkiin tiedon tullessa. Onneksi paikalla oli isän sisko tilannetta rauhoittamassa ja selvittämässä.
Sotaorpojen elämä oli rauhan tultua vaikeaa, sillä puutetta oli kaikesta, eikä nykyaikaista sosiaaliturvaa vielä ollut. Koulussa Taina kertoi kuunnelleensa jotain juttua radiosta ja koulukaveri kysyi hämmästyneenä, että "ei kai teillä voi olla radiota kun ei ole isääkään!".
- Äiti kasvatti meille vahvan itsetunnon. Hän muistutti aina, että vaikka olemme orpoja niin olemme samanlaisia kuin muutkin lapset.
Taina Heinonen oli 10-vuotias isän kuollessa, hänelle jäi isästä selkeät ja hyvät muistot. Hän ehti jopa käydä lentämässä isänsä ohjaamassa koneessa. Seppo Nevalainen sen sijaan oli niin pieni isänsä kaatuessa, että hänelle jäi hyvin hatarat muistot isästä.
- Pari isään liittyvää tapausta jäi pikkulapsen mieleen. Muistan kun äiti ja isä olivat naapurissa pyykillä ja muistan yhden taksimatkan, mihin koko perhe lähti. Juuri muuta en isästä muista.
Anselm Nevalainen taisteli talvisodassa kuuluisalla Raatteen tiellä tammikuun alussa 1940. Vihollisen suurhyökkäys pysäytettiin. Alikersantti Nevalainen oli mukana varmistustehtävissä 6. tammikuuta, kun hänen joukkueensa joutui vielä tulitaisteluun ja joukkueenjohtajana toiminut Nevalainen kaatui.
Myös Nevalaisen perheessä tragedia oli valmis. Kotona oli äidin ja 4-vuotiaan Sepon lisäksi kaksi nuorempaa lasta, joista nuorin poika kolme viikkoa vanha.
Nuorin poika oli vasta
kolme viikkoa vanha
- Isä ei ehtinyt koskaan nähdä nuorinta poikaansa, mutta hän ehti saada rintamalle kirjeen, missä asia kerrottiin. Perhe oli evakossa Kiuruvedellä. Äiti matkusti sankarihautajaisiin Lieksaan, minne isä haudattiin. Junamatkalla tuli ilmahälytys ja junan matkustajat joutuivat ryntäämään 30 asteen pakkasessa junasta metsän suojaan. Junaa ei onneksi pommitettu.
Nevalaisilla oli pieni maapaikka Lieksan liepeillä, kaupunkiin oli matkaa 30 kilometriä. Äiti hankki pienellä maapalstalla perheelle toimeentuloa, välillä oli tiukkaa.
- Kansakoulussa opettaja suositteli, että lähtisin oppikouluun. Kotona asiasta keskusteltiin ja äidin oli pakko todeta, että meillä ei ole siihen varaa. Olisi pitänyt asua vuokrakortteerissa Lieksassa. Niin se oppikoulu minulta jäi. Vähän harmitti kun monet parhaista kavereista pääsivät sinne, muistelee Seppo Nevalainen.
Nevalainen kävi kansakoulun jälkeen kansanopiston ja sitten Harjun maanviljelyskoulun ja pääsi kurssinsa priimuksena Mustialan maamiesopistoon, mistä valmistui agrologiksi.
Äidit eivät menneet
uusiin naimisiin
Taina Heinosen ja Seppo Nevalaisen äidit jäivät sotaleskiksi, he eivät koskaan menneet uusiin naimisiin. Niin teki suuri osa sotaleskistä.
Sotaorvoilla isän kaipuu ei häivy koskaan. Senkin takia on varmasti terapeuttista, että sotaorvoilla on nykyisin omia yhdistyksiä, missä he pääsevät tapaamaan kohtalotovereitaan.
- Isän kuolemasta tulee elokuussa 60 vuotta. Lentokoneen putoamispaikka Luonetjärvellä on löydetty. Meillä on tarkoitus, että koko suku kokoontuu sinne 18. elokuuta tänä vuonna, sanoo Taina Heinonen.
Seppo Nevalainen on ollut aktiivinen kotiseutuharrastaja. Muutama vuosi sitten valtakunnalliset kotiseutupäivät pidettiin Suomussalmella.
- Osanottajat pääsivät silloin tutustumaan Raatteen tiehen ja siellä olevaan museoon. Minulle se kyllä oli koskettavin matka mitä olen Suomessa tehnyt, sanoo Seppo Nevalainen
its weird to find your grandmother's and great-grandfather's names up on the internet. for a moment they looked positively unfamiliar.how "uncanny" =)
back to my search.
toodles~
marlz
9/23/2005 05:40:00 ap.
maanantaina, syyskuuta 19, 2005
hiatus!
i am on semi hiatus. need to be semi, because at the rate i'm going i'm prolly going to burst if i don't pen down my thoughts once in awhile. a lil summary on me currently...- i've got perpetually inky fingers
- i've gone mad and attempted to finish mysteries of udolpho in a span of 24 hours but only managed to finish reading (without comprehending) up till page 507
- i've started to panic during some point of my days and do "homework" frantically only to come to school and be informed that there is no such homework.
- i've been attacked my something called paranoia
- i forget everything that i study within 2 days and do my tests with a blank mind despite studying for them
- i've started to dream about econs, sign language classes and essay plans for all subjects
- i describe to my mother the structure of the rock on the roadside and what kind of erosion it has undergone to look the way it does now.
simply put, i've lost my marbles, become soft, am off my rocker, am insane etc etc etc.
16 days and i feel like i'm not prepared in any way. *sigh* i'm doomed.
oh well, guess i might as well go on doing what i'm doing though its not working in any way.
toodles~
marlz
9/19/2005 09:48:00 ap.
keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 14, 2005
bad days?
today was not a bad day. it was a not-so-good day.think it was because i was tired, and then overly exerted myself during pe. whatever it was, it left me drained.
passed my geog test, which is a rare thing to occur, but i'm happy because of the improvement. i managed to pass although i didn't study (something i don't condone)instead of fail like i usually do.
weird dreams make me tired. last night i dreamt i took drugs. it was from a drug peddling gang in school, and for some reason, some people who were classmates with me in prcs once were in that game and they gave me these pills. they gave me some little green pills which anand told me today afternoon was ketamine. and then i dreamt i was high. the worst part was that i was so startled i tried to wake up, but could only do so partially, and thus i suceeded in scaring myself further. i tried to walk to the toilet in my semi-asleep state. i staggered there and really thought i was 'high' because of the fogginess of everything around me. so i went back to bed and somehow fell asleep again. it was so real, so i went to pick up something when i really woke up to see if i would shake or anything just to confirm and my pen shook! but i told myself it was just nerves and it didn't shake anymore. talk about weird dreams.
i need to sleep then i'll go mug. just. so. tired.
marlz
9/14/2005 08:18:00 ap.
tiistaina, syyskuuta 13, 2005
nonsense photos
presenting...
a funny photo from the new national library by 6 and a half A202-ians.
don't ask me why my face is like that, it just is. was because we were caught unawares.
stupid machine, it was because of the fact that to get you face into the frame you have to stand a certain distance from it, but to press on the button that actually takes that photo would require arms that are the a metre long.
thus the halfling there (justin) who was attempting to press the button with his less-than-a-metre-long arm outstretched while simultaneously trying to get his face into the picture.
and the reason we were caught unawares and why justin had no time to squeeze his face into the frame while pressing the button, thus succeeding in looking like a half-hobbit? bcos there is no time to. the machine doesn't kindly give a 3-2-1-saycheese countdown like some machines do before snapping the picture. its instant. thus the something-smells-funky-justin-is-it-you look on marilyn's face who was actually trying to look at what justin was doing and whether he'd make it. and also my weird looking face.
oh did i say? the note that we typed on the postcard was meant to be innocent but when i read through the message again i realised that we had succeeded in creating an R-rated postcard that would get any ah pek at home hot under the collar if he ignores the picture. 2 words: dis-gusting
AND we did ALL this only after the 6th try at it, which meant that we had spent a looong time hogging the machine.
BUT the gd thing was it was free *grins* and that we could send it as a postcard to wanwen's email who subsequesntly passed the retarded looking photo to me. courtesy of that machine thingie in NLB.
never have i had such a photo-taking experience.
toodles~
marlz
9/13/2005 11:03:00 ap.
lauantaina, syyskuuta 10, 2005
beetle juice
for no reason:lets sail into the sunset so far across the sea. where the sun-kissed and rosy hued butterfly blossoms grow for all to see. where the sweet pea droops so softly against the emerald tinted leaves, and a still, pale lake lies awake awaiting the dewy morn.
lets build a boat of moonshine, beautiful, golden and gleaming. with sugary light that fails not to fill our hearts with joy. the breeze so fresh and shimmery as it fills our sails to brim, and we sail upon the soft beams of the rising moon in the cold and salty night. with crisp white sails a-billowing in the deliciously fragrant wind.
lets sail into the sunset where smiles are abound. and little girls in cotton frocks trip gaily across the shaded forest ground. where lilting strains of violin is heard all night around. and mothers with their sleeping babes smile at the plaintive sound. where december tears that fall in sadness bring merry flowers in spring. and faerie lights on midsummer's eve with the stars lie twinkling.
lets sail into the sunset, just us,just you and me. where our sorrows are hidden in black and purple pearls. and where we'll play april showers beside the gurgling brook. lets toss our sorrows to the air and smile like we've no worries. and sail into the land of sunset where we all belong.
gosh. i wish i could sail into the sunset. but i can't, and so i've to just be content with watching it. lisa said that i write poetry, but if i do ( but don't since i never have the guts to) then i write a real screwed up version of it. some parts rhyme, some parts don't. just random paragraphs, like snatches of random tunes from here and there that mean absolutely zilch. i hardly think that it qualifies as poetry. *sighs*
i forgot to tell about our outing to the new national library with 6 other classmates on thursday. did weird stuff that ppl our age don't and shouldn't be doing. and we walked around parco for awhile. then i went home while the rest went to tampines to "loiter" some more. twas nice, since its been the longest time since i'm "strayed" our of pasir ris. always been holed up at home. or at some relatives place. or school. i wonder where i could get a life.
my ankle is givin me problems again. i've sprained the same side a couple of times before and i guess its taken its toll. its annoying me bcos the teeniest movement can make it hurt, and i've no idea why. maybe its become loose. *frowns* perhaps i should get it looked at by someone. no knowing whether it'll help or not, but at least i could say that i've tried right.
i'm gonna try my recipe for hiekkakakku, or translated literally, sand cake. hope its as nice as the one i tried during christmas. nothing else to say, seem to be very woozy today for i don't know what reason.
well then, toodles~
marlz
9/10/2005 05:33:00 ap.
torstaina, syyskuuta 08, 2005
brain juice anyone?
there's been encouraging tags and anonymous hugs on my blog. so sweet =) i do wish who the mysterious huggers are. its been rough, trying to sort myself and the thoughts that float about in my head out. and i still haven't reached a conclusion, so i don't know. and i'm most grateful that no one asked me what i meant, because i really don't want to discuss what i meant by that post. otherwise, i've been slightly happier this week.*shrugs* i guess somethings never change. my head. its as if there is this vice slowly tightening itself on my brains. headaches. i wonder if its my anxiety over the coming exams, or my general loss of interest in life (rather, my current life) or maybe it might be some disease. i wish i knew. damn that phrase
i don't get people who don't like kids. specifically, i don't get women who don't like kids. or babies. and i don't like men/boys/any specimen of a male who thinks that girls/women/any female who adore kids and squeal when they see babies, and just can't stop holding and cuddling them are paedophiles. its a wrong word to use. VERY WRONG. it is in our instincts to hold and cuddle and protect and love kids. if any man out there thinks that its irksome that i/ppl i know/most women cannot get our hands of a baby/child when we see one then i suggest you make sure you don't marry, or find someone like minded. personally, i can't help but grin when i see a child. the ickle hands and feet and noses and ears. and when they smile *melts* girls play house as a child for a reason you know. because its part of our nature, and it'll stick with us till we are old and wrinkled. wee ones are so cute. it doesn't last long, but i do think it is worth it. i like wee ones *beams*
it is sad that nothing made me smile and feel really happy this week besides watching toddlers totter about on the telly.
i guess i'll never know.
marlz
rosy leaves a-tossing in the wind ride into the sunset of another time of rain and darkness