I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, elokuuta 08, 2005
larp
today wasn't exactly a good day. but it wasn't a bad day either. it just WAS. if you know what i mean.
turned up early : around 6.30 am, though i only had to be in school at 6.45. not like i was alone. there were other people there, but it was still quite deserted. ya. the parade went off okay i guess, we didn't play that well, but there weren't any major mistakes either. and, all that walking made my ankle hurt less. i should be able to walk properly for tomorrow's parade.
and so with the coming of the national day holiday, i feel the pressure to mug. mug and mug and slog my heart out all the way to promos. no more distractions. no more cip that takes up time. no more anything. end of story. i need to study. period.
i love my class. they took ages to decide where to go so i dropped out of the whole thing so that i would be less of a burden to them since i was pretty worn out after the whole lecture. so i just left for home. hope they went somewhere and had fun.
for some reason, i feel very very vulnerable now. i don't know, its as if i will fall to pieces soon, and i fear a relapse of what has happened. i don't want that to happen. please no.
veli help me i just hope i pull myself together in time.
mrs l. said i don't have self confidence. but i can't believe that i can do it. not after what has come to pass. i know i never believed in myself, but when i did, i realised it only yields disappointment and then, that thing. i pray i don't break. i don't want to break. please don't let me break. but howGod help me.
marlz
i don't see the red because i want to, i see it because its always there
8/08/2005 01:35:00 ip.