marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, elokuuta 30, 2005
realisation
with night, with the falling darkness and silence, came realisation. so unpleasant was it, that no one else but me could have a notion or even begin to fathom what the mix of sensations felt like.
i failed myself.
i did not partake in the silent battle that followed the setting of the sun. i merely sat there and pondered on my fate. of things to come. and as i heard the steady breathing of the rest who slept peacefully, i realised i don't know.
i don't know.
the heady perfume that permeated my room made things no easier. i want to know. my curiosity knows no bounds, but it is limited by boundaries that i set for myself. no. not one and the same. separate entities altogether.
cool wind blowing. fluttering of brand new curtains. tousled hair. makes no difference. it only give me painful remiders of my ignorance. why, why won't they let me know. why. i want to. damn it. i want to.
toss, turn, sigh. the fact remains that i don't. it pains me. disappoints me. i see no point in what i do. what i live for. why live if you don't know what for, if not for the fact that you have to because your lungs do not fail to function, your heart fails not to pump despite the lack of knowledge.
blink. peering out into the dark world i try to ask myself what i feel. i'm uncertain. i look into the horizon, and see no bends in the road, but straight, stretching far into the sunset, as if i'm doomed to walk it till i cease to exist.
i think therefore i amcrap. all of it. why think, if you do not know. i want to know. but it is forbidden for me to know. why why.
doubts. everywhere. with every minuscale movement i make, i hear them crying out. tell me tell me. and i feel like yelling, screaming. why, when i do not possess the knowledge that you seek? how can i enlighten you, tell you, if i myself do not know?
so i stayed home today to study econs. did 2 topics in the aftnoon. but why. sure, i learn i absorb, but am i sure what i learn now, what i know is what i seek, what will satisfy me, what will let me love, what will make me happy.
i gaze at the faraway lights, hazy and dim. i must recount. in all that i've gone through recently, i realise that i distrust myself. i hear a resounding internal no that persists everytime i wish to venture somewhere, do something, see something. is it intuition or "gut feeling"? or is it lack of confidence. do i think i'm too fragile, that i need guidance. or have i been residing for too long a time in my comfort zone. do i need something new. i don't trust myself to love, those whom i have not loved before. have i found a friend that i truly love as a friend in this past year. no. have i found something that i'm passionate about in the past year. no. have i loved anything in the past year. again no. it seems that i've lost my capacity to commit fully to something. anything. to love that something. i can't do it anymore. i can't i can't. the furthest i've gone is liking.
perhaps thats why. thats why i can't say things that i used to say. overcome things that i used to overcome. do things that i used to do. i retract, pull back into myself, curl my soul into a ball, entrap myself in a place where i won't hear anyone, but one voice singing solo. so dead is that tune, so mournful, so deathlike, i wish to find the source and get rid of it. i look. and all i hear is myself. me. i'm singing alone, and i'm the cause of it.
WHY
i've failed myself.
marlz
ps. if you don't understand this post then don't attempt to. i won't open up. i won't tell. the last time i did, i got into a heck of a load of trouble. no more. i can't. i can't trust.
the dance of peasants at the end of fall is but a prelude to the sorrow and solitude of winter
8/30/2005 11:29:00 ap.
perjantaina, elokuuta 26, 2005
kapeesh
doubts. they plague me.
geez, school has been at a tolerable level. though i've been really really woozy due to medicine. the list of things that i've done due the the meds these 2 days include walking straight into the wall at some void deck on the way to school, trying to tie shoelaces that have been already tied, writing marilyn's name on my own paper, penning really weird sentences that sound like nothing but poppycock, losing half of my WR due to unknown reasons AND being generally off tangent during school hours. heh. i'm suprised i got this far without typographical errors considering that i just swallowed another dose of icky tasting cough syrup.
classmates have again shown their big heartedness. A(h)lan asked me very kindly if i was feeling better the day before i returned and upped my pangkat to second in command in his (nonexistant) utopia/dystopia. i'm now no longer a nameless pauper stranded on the streets but the general of the koala army. off to conquer the (imaginary) world i go. wan wen said he's delusional or something. i think he's trying to be nice =)
Ah long let me give him (unwillingly of course) a tongue lashing and ego bashing that has his ego as flat as his butt right now. i've been deprived of teasing him, i've forgotten how fun it was.
Janna, bless her heart, helped me to pass my mc to mrs logan AND made sure i was not the laughing stock of the school by walking into any more pillars. Vanessa, Radiah and NurC have been sweet as usual. Justin's been very nice to me also. Marilyn follows me to toilets and talks abt Villa Wellness and Jon Johnson =). anyways, its such a long list i can't list down all. i love A202.
although i've been geting minimal sleep due to coughing fits, i managed to get a lil shut eye last night. AND i even dreamed. i dreamt of concrete pavements. the hustle and bustle of town on a cold, crisp winter's morning. the smell of fresh coffee from the coffee house round the corner. light-hearted chatter of teenage girls as they pass by. a dark haired young man leaning over a steaming cup of cocoa as he reads his book and does some people watching. the merry tune of the busker at the corner near the goldsmith's shop. a couple holding hands, walking so briskly so that they look like two robots attached to each other by the hands. the crunching of gravel under my heel as i cross the road and walk into the town graveyard. names. old ones. new ones. emotions buried under the snow laden graves. pale morning sunlight filtering through the trees, barely touching the tops of the stone markers. the church bell chiming eight times in the distance. i breathe. and i woke up, it came to an end.
delightful.
*pops a lozenge into mouth* i need to sleep more. really.
oh well, till i update again. toodles~
marlz
first blush of spring roses cause gleaming tears to fall like pearls
8/26/2005 12:40:00 ip.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 24, 2005
SICK
what my dear drunkard wenqi and wanwen announced on the tagboard is true. sick. a bug, and being tired, bad habits, staying up late and not drinking enough water, skipping meals and the culmination of it all in falling ill. AGAIN. its been twice this year. thats a record. never been ill twice a year. and no wanwen, i can't go to school to suffer with you, cos if i go, i'll make you suffer with my incessant coughing and by giving you the bug. its not safe so near the promos.
illness brings nothing good. not even the days off school are good. you end up worrying on what you miss out, that your homework is piling, and that you are missing out on insulting the 2-D character in class. and then you stay at home, have the chills, shiver, cough like mad, go to the toilet billions of times, run a temperature and have terrible sleep because you're always in cold sweat.
so today i'm heading down to the good 'ol polyclinic. never like the private ones, unless the problem is recurrent, like back problems. only Dr Chong and the hospital doctors can handle that. and besides, the polyclinic likes to say good riddance to you, so they give you ultra powerful medicine that'll cure you in days. i like i like =)
i'm looking forward to my return to school, homework, headaches, tiredness and all.
toodles~
marlz
8/24/2005 01:40:00 ap.
sunnuntai, elokuuta 21, 2005
delicious books
i was video conferencing with my grandparents today. the thing about grandparents and technology is that they just don't match. my grandparents are considered one of the tech savy ones, though they do still grapple with having to control the machine and also with their fears that the monitor will blow up.
amidst the static and the webcam jamming up on us, i got quite a bit across to them. esp säsä who greeted me with a "hei pikku pentu!". hehe. so it is true after all that you'll always be the littlest girl in your grandparents eyes. its fun, cos i'm the eldes ant get pampered a whole lot AND i love them =)
anyways, i also received some really sad news. that lovely partasen lady has passed on during the course of this week. i did feel my heart sink when i heard of it. and i feel sorry for mr partanen, because i know that he's very sad. they were so warm hearted and welcoming and even met me and sent me off with an embrace, even though i hardly recall them at all. and they were so nice. especially her. and she won my heart when i was there. little did i know it was going to be the last time i would see her. it is a sad blow, although we know each other for such a short while. it isn't my first encounter with death (pappa was the first one) but i guess we all need to move on. after all, we are born to die, and will all pass on in the end. it is always sad, but it is how life is, and i know, whatever and whoever i may lose in future, i must take it in stride because it is how things work. i just hope that it was painless for her, and that she can rest in peace.
talking abt finland makes me realise how much i miss the place and the fresh air. geez, if only singapore had air as fresh and as cool and as delightful to breathe. i would take big gulps of air should it be that way, instead of the smokey and humid air we do have. *sighs*
i've encountered a number of delicious books this week. stepford wives was NOT one of them. pretty short book, but freaky one still. i didn't watch the movie so i kinda sniffed at the thin paperback and read it, although i was annoyed with the large print. pickwick papers. hah. that is a delicious book. and it always makes me very hungry whenever i read it. gosh. hardly know why, but it is a nice book. then there was this catherine lim book in the library of which i read the first few chapters during a free period and absolutely fell in love with. a dictionary on karelian slang. and a finn book i found on the shelf. its a book of poems. here's one by aleksis kivi...
Oravan laulu
Makeasti oravainen
Makaa sammalhuoneessansa;
Sinnepä ei Hallin hammas
Eikä metsämiehen ansa
Ehtineet millionkaan.
Kammiostann korkeasta
Katselee hän mailman piirii,
Taisteloa allans' monta;
Havu-oksan rauhan-viiri
päällänsä liepoittaa.
Mikä elo onnellinen
keinuvassa kehtolinnas!
Siellä kiikkuu oravainen
Armaan kuusen äitinrinnas:
Metsolan kantele soi!
Siellä torkkuu heiluhäntä
Akkunalla pienoisella,
Linnut laulain taivaan alla
Saattaa hänen iltasella
Unien Kultalaan.pretty pretty pretty...wish i could write something as pretty as that. but i'm no poet and i'm a terrible writer as ppl already notice from my blog. heh. what to do. i'm nowhere near FAIR standard and i aim for GOOD. sheesh. talk about aiming too high.
tomorrow i don't have to wake early. hurray...
toodles~
marlz
the grass so dry, smelt so sweet in the heat of noon
8/21/2005 01:29:00 ip.
lauantaina, elokuuta 20, 2005
the lit assignment left my brain dead and i've a test on monday. malay. i've never been good in my 2nd language, which can be understood since, technically, its my 3rd language, not 2nd. but i really want to score well this time. i don't know why. perhaps its because cikgu raihana is getting to me. i really hope i don't let her down.
so i was absolutely konked after band on friday. cherri is sick again, the poor creature. and i was yawning throughout the prac because of the assignment. my whole class zoned out during the econs tutorial AND i nearly fell asleep on that comfy chair in the library while reading the papers. at least i wasn't like our koala king who was sound asleep in the canteen before pccg, probably dreaming of annihilating the human race and world domination with a koala army. a very chubby koala army. he's weird. we only woke up at the end of the day, during pe. after that i could have slept long and deep, but had to go for band.
justin suggested i write a book entitled "insults for your everyday use" and sign it for the open hse. haha, i knew i could throw insults like nothing, but i didn't know ppl would think that. sorry ah long, but you just had an ego bigger than your ears. so yea, if anything, flap those biggies and give me a sign that my target practice on you is too much for you. besides that, you're nice *winks*
last week it was proven that science classes are dead. its zombie land in class. really, i don't mean to hurt the feelings of any worshippers of the bunsen burner and test tube, but its true, as far as i've seen. really, they are nice people, but they just aren't as spontaneous and zany and gila as the arts classes. and i'll admit it has nothing to do with maths since there are arts classes that take math and are as equally crazy as classes that don't.
i would like to say, however, that some ppl are just plain mean. just because we take arts, doesn't mean that we're rowdy and stupid. i, for one, didn't like the way the science class we were dealing during friday's pccg lesson had members that were dismissive of us. so we aren't a majority in college. big deal. it doesn't mean we didn't make the cut, cos we did, but we just dudn't choose to be a majority. its boring. so cut the eye rolling and the attitude. we were just trying to liven things up in class. SO THERE.
i'm positively delighted that hiap luh tagged! though he would have forgotten me by now, but its seems that memories of those times at OBS just stick in everyone's minds. gosh, how i miss sitting in the rain, laughing at how pathetic we all looked, cooking 14 maggie packets in one pot and making an illegal campfire. and that was just a teeny fraction of the fun. hope you're doing fine hiap luh =)
oh and yes, vicnan, i definitely haven't forgotten you. i've frequented your blog since the beginning of this year and found out who you were when you tried to cajole me into cp. have fun in poly
academics aside, i'm nothing now. not even close to being a wraith. i feel like i'm floating aimlessly in space, in time. everthing i do is suddenly so mechanical. i don't go out anymore, i just sit and mope at home. it seems as if studies anchor me down. just imagine, if that were taken away from we. what would i do. what could i do. where would i go. i wonder what i've become. its as if, i'm nothing without school. and even then, i don't know why i'm doing what i do. i've become a robot. nothing more. and should school suddenly stop, i'd be blown away, and float somewhere far away, never to come back.
and so life (whatever remnants of it) in jc goes on
toodles~
marlz
the snow, white and crystalline, so soft to touch but painfully sharp to feel
8/20/2005 04:55:00 ip.
tiistaina, elokuuta 16, 2005
home?
i let my blog stagnate and i haven't complained in a week or so. utterly unacceptable! cannot, i must complain. its the one thing singaporean about me that i cannot get rid of. being a complain queen. hell, i even got a load of friends into trouble over chewing gum because i complained about them. funny how seriously i took my duties in SC. i miss SC. but i wouldn't wear the new tie for a million bucks. seriously, it looks retarded. sorry folks, i'm trying to be honest here...
anyways, COMPLAIN!!
complaint 1 : my stupid white patch on my wrist is not gone. i even see the white glowing light from that area when i try to sleep. and it distracts anyone sitting next to me during lecture. so much for hoping that school would somehow even off the tone. darn darn double darn. so now i have to go and tan my wrist. thanks to the plastic flag waving and screaming your lungs out on a hot hot hot day in the sun (have i told you it was hot?). terrible
complaint 2: i hate it when the phone rings off the hook in my house. its always kring kring kring kring. God, its driving me nuts. i mean i don't use the phone. my friends call once in a decade (ok, so you can take this part with a generous pinch of salt) and all the phone is used for is useless chatter on my sibling's part. like hallo, i'm the babbler, not you two, so stop stealing my job.
complaint 3: me and samuel called it quits on the caveman and barbarian things. despite the truce i just can't help having the cav... spill outta my mouth when i see him. must untrain myself when it comes to belittling him. my current target is ah long(that flagpole look-a-like so poor thing lar), but looks like i have to change that soon.
complaint 4: ITS SO DARN AWKWARD. argh...
*takes a deep breath*
complaint 5: there's a geog test tomorrow during the first period AND we're having this discipline talk during the morning assembly that is , without a doubt, going to eat into our test time.
and the mother of all complaints : jon johnson got kissed by some aunty on national tv and got into a hot tub with a whole group of them!!!! *runs off to have a nervous breakdown* i mean seriously. what happened to marilyn and me?!
told you i was a complain queen. for those of you who actually survived until here. congrats, cos i'm not going to continue. am i kind or am i kind?
went back to visit crestwinds today. man, i love my band. the juniors aren't bad, a pretty good bunch of kids, leaning a wee bit toward the mat and minah side, but good ppl with spunk. thats what crestwinds needs. a load of spunk, in a good way of course. i must motivate them to make crestwinds what it was in its heyday. a bonded, loving band where everyone had a place to fill and part to play. no one is insignificant. i must i must i must. besides that i was great to meet with my twin, and lovely to hear the nice hellos and "yay, marlina's here" when i got there. it made me smile extra wide today.
but i must get my head out of the clouds and face reality. the harsh truth is.....
PROMOS. yes. akan datang. i've a bad feeling about this. really.
oh well, tomorrow's test is number one on list now. so must MUG. and not to mention, complete my paper 8 assignment early so that there is no scramble on thursday night. many things to do.
toodles~
marlz
what is a sound without an echo
8/16/2005 01:42:00 ip.
torstaina, elokuuta 11, 2005
stupidity
i do believe i'm becoming more stupid as the days progress. my brain just can't function anymore. i very tired. the last time i felt like this was when i burnt out before the o's. only this time the fatigue is tenfold. *heavy sigh* i guess thats what i'm meant to do all my life. work and slog year after year without any returns.
no. no bout of depression, but some serious thinking on my part. whether i'll ever escape this maze in which i am going round in circles. or perhaps its my aching muscles contributing to this tired feeling. my shoulders have never ached worse than today.
i wish i was like kati. happily holidaying and having her larp. larp. gosh, i couldn't help feeling light hearted just hearing about it. and she promised me i'll be able to go when i go back. till then till then kati. =)
i just want to sleep but i can't cos i have tutorials to complete. DIE
toodles~
marlz
perhaps a shiny mirror isn't at all transparent, but invisible, and all you see is yourself
8/11/2005 11:07:00 ap.
maanantaina, elokuuta 08, 2005
larp
today wasn't exactly a good day. but it wasn't a bad day either. it just WAS. if you know what i mean.
turned up early : around 6.30 am, though i only had to be in school at 6.45. not like i was alone. there were other people there, but it was still quite deserted. ya. the parade went off okay i guess, we didn't play that well, but there weren't any major mistakes either. and, all that walking made my ankle hurt less. i should be able to walk properly for tomorrow's parade.
and so with the coming of the national day holiday, i feel the pressure to mug. mug and mug and slog my heart out all the way to promos. no more distractions. no more cip that takes up time. no more anything. end of story. i need to study. period.
i love my class. they took ages to decide where to go so i dropped out of the whole thing so that i would be less of a burden to them since i was pretty worn out after the whole lecture. so i just left for home. hope they went somewhere and had fun.
for some reason, i feel very very vulnerable now. i don't know, its as if i will fall to pieces soon, and i fear a relapse of what has happened. i don't want that to happen. please no.
veli help me i just hope i pull myself together in time.
mrs l. said i don't have self confidence. but i can't believe that i can do it. not after what has come to pass. i know i never believed in myself, but when i did, i realised it only yields disappointment and then, that thing. i pray i don't break. i don't want to break. please don't let me break. but howGod help me.
marlz
i don't see the red because i want to, i see it because its always there
8/08/2005 01:35:00 ip.
sunnuntai, elokuuta 07, 2005
sprain!!!
ok. so i got a valid reason to pon band on friday, although i wasn't planning to pon. is it me, or has lady luck just turned her back on me? hmph...
anyways, i shall tell of my drama on court but definitely NOT for all those sadistic people out there who like reading about other people's pain. and ya, i for once, did not scrape my knee or end up bandaged, sorry folks.
yellow team consisted of me, marilyn, nurC, trish, janna and diana. the black team was everyone else. SO, we (yellow) were leading 2-0, WHEN the ball rolled out and was ours. so i took the corner and made a bad pass. but wait, that's not all, i ran to redeem the ball when crack, i heard this terrible sound, felt an intense pain shoot up my leg, watched the ball shoot pass our defences and roll straight through tricia's legs and come to a rest at a remote corner of the goal post, exhausted. while i was left hopping on one foot, trying to find a place to grab hold off. so vanessa helped me hobble to the side where i was left to wait for an ice pack.
so sad right. not only i make a bad pass, but the other team scored a goal. and then they started winning. hehe. wonder if it was because i was off court or because vanessa was off court. lol. no lar, i think it was because i was off court. (thick skin). so yes, i sprained my ankle, and my classmates especially VANESSA *kisses* were very nice to me and helped me to hobble to and fro. its much better now, the swelling's stopped thanks to the ice and the doctor's ointment, but there is pain still, so i walk with a limp. see how tomorrow, i'm hoping there will be no more limping tomorrow.
why oh why am i so injury prone. i'm sick of falling (though jake once said that i should fall more because it makes me laugh ) and the scars on my leg. at the rate i'm going with the sprains and scraping of knees, and whatnot, my legs will be black with scars and blemishes by the time i'm 20. and why why why must it be the legs? of all places, my legs. ARGH.
oh and guess what, mr naresh know nows which class i'm in and has told me that he'll question me on monday's make up lecture. gosh.
you know, you gypsies, if you could kidnap me on monday morning on the way to school, i do believe that i could make the time free for you. and i'll get a feature in "Missing" too. way cool! *rolls eyes*
confound those darn legs of mine! don't they know how to keep me standing instead of sprawling on the floor like other legs do.
alright alright i spare whoever is gracious enough to read the agony of reading my rambling. i'll do my ranting elsewhere. geez...
be good kids, i'll be back to school tomorrow!
toodles~
marlz
to touch a surface as smooth as glass and see ripples spring under my fingers. i have started it anew, for good and bad, for what lies before and what lies after. for everything.
8/07/2005 08:17:00 ap.
perjantaina, elokuuta 05, 2005
american fitness
american fitness. oxymoron. nyahahahah...ok i'm being mean.
fridays are a pain where the sun don't shine. its just downright stupid to come to school for 5 tutorials and 5 periods of break, of which the last period of the day is PE, and straight after that is band.
not to mention band, now that is another major pain in the a**. i mean seriously, coming to school for 4 days in a week and then being told off after the practice isn't at all a nice experience. i rather be at home sleeping. talk about urges to pon.
guess what, we've finally finished act 5 of King Lear, which means we've come to the end of the play. quite frankly, i love the play to bits, but when it comes to presentation topics i have a knack for choosing themes that cannot be researched online. the result? pure smoking, and alot of hoping for good luck and a nice smiley ms lim mood for the day. if not, then its the 3 letter word. D-I-E. i've had so much smoking through my essays and presentations this month that i feel as if my head is as bouyant as a hot air balloon.
today we discussed disguises and deception in class, and the concept of the fluidity of identity really got my attention. think about it, when you're born, you have a clean slate and as you grow our identity is formed. it is more of a perceived image not only by yourself, but also what your peers think of you. that's how conmen get their way, they change their identity with the snap of a finger and convince people to hand their money over willingly. its is quite similar to how you would have that teeny voice in your head asking what if. what if you changed your name? what if you lied about your age? quite frankly, who would know? and even if you didn't lie, but you acted differently with your new companions, then how would they know that that wasn't the real you, and that you, in actual fact, are very different when you're without them.
definitely, it is natural for humans to be inquisitive and curious. (hey curiosity killed the cat, not man. haha) so why not be curious about people's reactions to your identity, or rather, what they perceive to be your true identity? its so imaginary that it drives me nuts just thinking about it.
i'm not suggesting you go about giving yourself different names or anything, but just think about it. we are in a point in our lives where we are trying to form an identity for ourselves and be different (of course, with a whole group of poeple who want to be different in the same way. its the best way to go about doing it)let your mind explore all the possibilities and you might just find you'll become as much a nut like me (this is a PG activity, remember to have a parent/guardian around for your own safety and the sanity of others. in other words, i'm a bugger)
hehe...
perhaps i ask too many questions, i often wonder when i'm toeing the line between inquisitive and pure kaypoh-ness, or that i'm just trying to be impossible *smiles*
i'd better warn my mom that the bane of her life has just gotten worse. much worse. be afraid, be very afraid, marlz is in a202. *evils laughter*
oh well, time to do some econs questions. profoundly dull stuff, but that economics for you. its so...blah
toodles
marlz
- i feel green waves pounding against me, spring has awoken and i must find the tree-
8/05/2005 05:12:00 ap.
torstaina, elokuuta 04, 2005
thank God i didn't let my blog degrade into a state of stagnation. but i've a feeling it will soon. short entry, just for the sake of it...
i wonder if old ppl act like children because they yearn for youth and the joy it brings again. i suppose they do, but i can never be sure. i'm not old, in fact, i'm totally the opposite. darn. i wish i was old.
its boring...and i miss jacob cos he tagged me and now i'm haunted by my promise to meet him taht i made since last year. *oops*
gtg, need to assist someone for lit...be good children
toodles
marlz
the rain goes a-patter-patter, but it drums so loud in my ears that i believe i could go blind
8/04/2005 06:21:00 ap.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 03, 2005
gp
mrs logan ain't in school. AGAIN. my com's STILL screwed. AND...actually, there isn't any and, i just added it in to make me feel better, because i've 15 minutes to blog before i run to the LT before ms k scolds us.
something abt ms k...not that i'd say it to her though, the way she beckons us into the room has a "welcome to my lair" sort of ring to it that not everyone can tahan, so to speak. personally, i think her lectures are a joy to attend. so fun so fun so fun. makes me want to hold on to lear and pretend dumb just so that she has to continue lecturing. bleah. dreams, there is a clear distinction them and reality.
i wonder how children actually make believe. i can't recall how i did, for that matter. but i do recall that i was a staunch believer in my imaginary friends as a child. perhaps they deliberately blur the line between fantasy and reality. or they just can't see the line at all. make you wonder whether children are really as they seem. *smiles*
trish and me are addicted to mr bean. there is something about his stupidity that actually makes him smart. so cuuute. we're cutesypaths!
whatever. btw, i'm feeling really awkward right now. have to think of something to be occupied with when i next meet X, the person i'm trying to not ignore, but end up ignoring anyways. if i have something to be occupied with, then i won't have to bluff. perhaps i'll read along the way to the LT. hmmm...
oh well, national day is coming up and i can't wait for it to be over...can finally have days where i stay back to study instead of rehearse. yay.
i hear ms k calling, be good ppl
toodles~
the tree grows on a hill far away, but i see it flourishing at my feet
8/03/2005 03:31:00 ap.
maanantaina, elokuuta 01, 2005
school
yes it is still the good old boring : school. i never fail to doze in school at some point of the day. the days just stretch longer and longer as the week pass, and sometimes i wonder whether its just me or that there are really long faces and increased pon-ning in class.
i guess its the countdown to the promos. bleah. and thats just the short term goal. i shudder as i think about what looms ahead of that obstacle. may God save our souls.
so i suffer daily in the sweltering heat in the heart of pasir ris. the library has had more business these days and chatting and trying to study has lost its former charm as the new occupants bring that librarian prowling the upper decks of the library, which used to be the safe haven.
i'm feeling kind of worn out, and national day preparations aren't really helping either. the signing is a joy, and i suppose in some ways the fatigue that sets in later is worth it, just that i feel like i've been stretched way too far. sitting in the rain for 7 hours isn't as exciting as when you think about it. unless of course, its obs. hah. i'm biased forget that last statement.
and not to mention, i'm terrible when it comes to saying hi or totally ignoring a person. i'm torn between both, because i'm more used to one or the other and i drive myself positively crazy because of it.i've never felt so awkward in my entire life.
but no, life isn't in shambles around me, contrary to popular belief (down at prcs at least). i'm just trying to gear up towards the promos, and make sure that i make it through. that i HAVE to MUST do.
i oft wonder why the dark long arm makes you stir more than that fair, slender goading arm of temptation. perhpas because its a necessity. it is a dog it dog world you know. perhaps a woman eat woman world. or man eat man world. argh. that doesn't sound right.
my muse, where art thou? seems like i've been losing my creativity lately and horror of horrors...i've actually started liking econs *appears shocked*. i'm a disgrace to myself.
have pw now, if i have to mention another part of my very sad life. so well, have to go and meet my mountains of work.
toodles~
marlz
PS grey skies and blue clouds aren't much of a destiny
8/01/2005 07:59:00 ap.