I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

keskiviikkona, kesäkuuta 08, 2005

the southernmost point on the asian continent

light heartedness is very much like a pretty little faerie that one may meet in the forest. so delicate and shimmery and merry, she comes and then she goes. i was light hearted yesterday, but today i can't help but feel a bit blue. no, not deep shades, but just a tinge.

i wonder if it'll happen again. i look at him, how he looks, what he says, and what he does when he's at home. i think he prolly doesn't even notice that i notice. that i worry. that i feel troubled everytime he says something, or does something that is suggestive of something else. and i don't know if things i right. my bones are telling me that things aren't. and i wonder, that if we fall into that same rut again, will we pull out of it? worse, i fell into a deep pit of my own when we were stuck in that rut. when the nights got later, people got unhappier, and the situation became highly volatile. and i keep fearing that it happens again. i don't want it to, but i don't know how to stop it. argh. frustration drives me to the edge sometimes, and i really don't know how to express it. not in a way that will do any good, in any case.

how i wish all things free and good, especially being happy, don't disappear into the air, fly off like butterflies that remain perched on your finger to adore just for a moment. moments matter, i know, but i want to prolong those moments, instead of just having them leave me in the blink of the eye.

its days like these that i want to play with the thunder. have fun that comes with a price, satisfy myself. but i know i can't. for i have to resist temptation. i cannot allow myself what i did before, for it will only lead to my demise.

i'm being very vague i know. NO its not something that one "goes through". fyi, i do know when something is a problem, and not a lil annoyance, or minor setback.

hah, oh well. might as well talk abt my day instead, at least, it wasn't as bad a day as i thought it would be.

i woke up early in the mornin' for the TAF Amazing Race and Sentosa. why? because i paid the entry fee, and being the cheapo that i am, i refuse that $2 to go to waste. i can't help it, my mom taught me to be tight with my money but be generous when generosity is due. like when it comes to charity, or helping a friend out when they are in a tight spot.

i thought i'd be miserable when i was separated frm my group of friends for the race. lady luck must have been smiling down at me this morning because wee kiat, wee juay and geraldine were grouped with me. they made my morning pass faster, with all the jokes and "crap-talk" that went liberally around. i'm sure all the grp 2 ppl had something to smile about this morning.

i think we really took it easily, and at the rate we went round, it certainly wasn't at all like a race to me. we actually took the bus to many of the checkpts instead of walking, and even when we did walk, we tried to cheat in as many ways as possible. not only that, we cheated all the checkpt ics out of making us do their ridiculous forfeits. in the end, we came in last. our reason? one of our members was injured (this part is true) and we couldn't walk fast since she couldn't (this part isn't true. she actually said that her toe didn't hurt at all).

it ended really late, around 1300, instead of 1200, like i expected. i had no choice but to cancel the meeting with marilyn today, though we desperately need to meet. pah. so annoying.

aft the thing geri,wk, wj, kaiyan, myself, and 2 other guys whom i do not know went to habourfront for lunch and to rest our tired feet. they chose yoshinoya, which was ok, since i wasn't eating anyways. lol. i think they thought it funny that i was watching them eat. oh ya, geri had lady luck smiling on her as well. she pulled out a fiber from her mouth when she ate, and one of the staff approached her, insisted on replacing the bowl even when she said it was ok, and even gave her a drink on the house! good service aye. she was rather stunned though, and the situation was rather comical.

so ended my day out, i just headed home. strange as this may sound after a day of activity, i feel tired mentally and not physically. the only part of my body that is aching is my back, but that happens everyday, so its nothing new. the trip to the southernmost point on the asian continent has not tired me out, as i thought it would have.

i shall cut my rambling here, and go read a lil instead. toodles~

marlz

keskiviikkona, kesäkuuta 08, 2005

the southernmost point on the asian continent

6/08/2005 11:37:00 ap.

links

archives

credits