I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

perjantaina, kesäkuuta 24, 2005

red hot chilli peppers

i'm quite thankful that my post titles aren't shown on my blog. they have to be the most uncreative of the lot and i put them there only for my own sake. never understood why there has to be titles for posts.

didn't go to school today. after what happened yesterday, i sort of have a phobia of school, so i've decided to find other locations that serve the same purpose : allow me to study.

happy that i trimmed my hair. is much nicer to wash now. at least my hair isn't being a pain back where the sun don't shine.

yes books. read 'em, use 'em, write 'em, hate 'em, love 'em. what to do, one cannot live without them.

this post is becoming increasingly random. that's because my head is full of mambo jambo that i can't get rid of, which is affecting my thought process. ok, not really mambo jambo, more like questions. burning questions, that my head wants to answer, but i can't answer. and then they lead to bigger and bigger questions. and its a never ending cycle.

here's the one which just popped in there. are there feelings and thoughts that cannot be expressed in any language? but then, thoughts are in words, so its impossible for the mind not to think in a language. but then again, there are people who think in images. babies can't speak, but is it possible that they think in a language? then if you think about it, what is a thought? what is the definition of a thought? if there are thoughts and feelings that cannot be expressed in any language, how do we know that they are, in fact, thoughts or feelings? what qualifies as a thought, and what qualifies as a feeling? are feelings felt by the mind, as in, are feelings and thoughts the same thing?

must there be a purpose for a thought? must there be a purpose for a feeling? is there a purpose for the existence of the universe?

where is the mind situated? i mean, we all know where the brain is, its in our head, but we've no idea where the mind is? is it detached from the body or is it part of our body? what does the mind look like? is there any way to know? is the brain a figment of the imagination? is our life an figment of imagination, a mere creation of our mind?

cogito, ergo sum? i am thinking, therefore i am? so if i stop thinking, do i stop existing as well? what about animals, do they think?

how do you know when you are dreaming? for all you know, your entire life may be a dream. so you pinch yourself to make sure. but, if you pinch yourself while you are dreaming, wouldn't dream that you feel the pinch? so what does qualify as a dream?

if our lives are already arranged beforehand, then why bother doing anything? won't things just continue the way they are supposed to? but that paralyses our ability in in doing anything, so we do other things willingly. but are we?are we all puppets programmed to do things that we think we are willingly doing?

ya, prolly got the pic by now aye? it annoys me, yet i feel like there must be an answer to all the above questions. how to find out? i don't know. its not like something you measure, like time or volume. (then again, how do you know which way time flows? so what you did yesterday affects today. but are you so sure of that? is it possible that what we do tomorrow affects what we did today. ok ok i'll stop now) if you ask what is the volume of something, i take some measurements and substitute those figures into a formula, and hey presto, you get the answer. but if someone asks you how come the mind understands abstract things like numbers, then would you be able to answer?

and no, "cos its just like that lor" is not an appropriate answer. or is it? lol.

oh well, enough of my babble, not longer in the mood to blog since i can't really concentrate without having soemthing like "are you sure" or "or is it" interrupting me. *sighs* i'm a wee bit crazier everyday...

toodles~

marlz

perjantaina, kesäkuuta 24, 2005

red hot chilli peppers

6/24/2005 05:55:00 ap.

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