I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

sunnuntai, kesäkuuta 12, 2005

die

i am so disappointed with myself.

well, i'm up at an unearthly hour yet again, with nothing to do but ramble. and to think i'm going to school early tomorrow. i should be sleeping but i feel like i have a great weight pressing down on me, and it chokes me as i sleep. i find my cheeks mysteriously wet as i lie there in bed. i jump out from under the covers, only to give the myself the fright of my life, because that darn mirror on my cupboard always deceives me into thinking that a tall lady is standing at the foot of my bed looking at me.

i find that i avoid people these days. i have turned down invitations to every social event, its been eons since i last went out with my friends, AND i don't like to answer any calls from my friends that will lead into a conversation that lasts for an hour or so(unless its huda's or eric's). worse, i'm going to school when i don't have to. i think my social life (or want of it) is rather sad. and i can't figure out why.

i feel bad to tell people no. but i just need that personal space.

vanessa asked me to teach her and a grp of friends lit tml since i'm going to school. i came up with a valid excuse to not come, by saying that i'm not qualified to teach lit, and that i'm coming to school to study because i'm bad at it. BUT then she asked me to study with them, and i just had to come out and say the dreaded two letter word. what can i do, i don't feel like being around people. sure they're nice and stuff, but i can't study with people when i'm not in the mood.

i can't do ANYTHING with people if i'm not in the mood.

DARN.

i left wenqi hanging in a conversation. i'm sorry, assistant drunkard, but i'm a bit high on air.

at the rate i'm going, i'll be a hermit by the end of this year.

i might as well retire now and go live in a cave or under a rock, instead of letting myself go on.

or i might just hurl myself into the sea, let the churning mass take me to a place to which others can't follow. not that anyone is going to follow, but if people can't follow, then i'll be alone. and thats what i want.

is it?

i don't know. so i'm going to turn up at the gathering this week. yes i shall. *smiles to herself*

i sound terribly loony, talking to myself. (thats because i don't wish to make this a blog full of sob stories. i rather make a fool of myself but discussing my issues with thin air) but then again, many people who sound loony are incredibly smart. geniuses in the making

AHEM.

so i'm that much thick-skinned.

i made my sister cry today. no. i didn't make her cry because i hit her (like how i usually make her cry). terribly irritated with everything today. the heat, the humidity, the mosquitos, the fact that its sunday and tomorrow's monday. and i was sharp, more than usual, and the next thing i knew, i saw her crying.

though i'm rather vexed with myself for making her cry, but i'd like to add (high on the guilt factor here) that i'm secretly rather pleased that my tongue has gotten sharper. it could mean that my english has improved, or it could mean that my skills when it comes to arguing with people who annoy me have improved. either way, it means something has improved. but i've misused it so there, i should slap myself instead of praise myself.

shame on you shame on you shame on you.

so the whole world now knows why i'm disappointed with myself. great. i might as well give my personal particulars out to the world now. and my secretly pleased is very much a secret no more.

DOUBLE DARN

i may be marlz, but marlz is not me. get that? don't expect me to spout the things i blog to you in real life. thats unrealistic. and if you do, well, i better warn you, you'll irritate me, and i'll make sure my words scathe you.

you pestiferous imbeciles out there better take that as a warning. marlina is in her pms mode. irksome creatures.

i was thinking of the numerous words you could use in place of imbecile. nincompoop,nitwit, bungler, goon, dolt, dunce. they're fine. then the word ignoramus popped into my head. i could just imagine the look on my cousin's face should i use that word on him. it becomes increasingly funny, the more i think about it.

*straightens face*

yes, marlina is in pms mode.

gosh, i'm a terrible liar.

till i manage to lie and get away with it, toodles~

marlz

sunnuntai, kesäkuuta 12, 2005

die

6/12/2005 04:55:00 ip.

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