I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

sunnuntai, toukokuuta 29, 2005

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GP is tomorrow. i'm worried, more than ever, especially for the comprehension. comprehension has never been my strength, i'm always better at the essay. i hope it isn't too difficult.

i felt...trapped today. one of those days where you feel like, you'd like to be somewhere far away, doing something new and exciting. not stuck in singapore, knowing full well that you have to go to school for an exam tomorrow. reality bites sometimes. i feel like i'm stranded in a cycle that is never ending. all the adventure has gone out of my life. yes, i admit, sometimes, adventure and all things new is scary, it seems daunting at times. but i love it, so much more than the mundane life i lead now. it revolves around school, school and more school. i miss adventure. i miss being up and about. moving from place to place, seeing new things. that adrenaline rush i get as i try things that are totally unfamiliar to me. getting to know people of all walks of life. losing my breath because of the awesome beauty of a place before me. all i see nowadays is the inside of my home, mj and bus 89. how exciting. *yawns* seriously, i need a change. a BIG change. *sighs* a bit more marlz, just a bit more. hang in there

i blame it on that trip to brunei. i blame it on OBS. i blame it on the trip to finland last year. i hunger for more, to see more. why did God create a world, if not for us to admire it, study it, look after it. one cannot do that by just staying put. we have to move around, experience new things, just like our nomad ancestors did.

ah enough of that, i feel stifled by everything today. on to better things.

i was positively elated to receive an email from Julia Huobonen today *waves* miss you guys loads loads loads.

oh, wee kiat added the whole lot of clarinettist to a conversation last night and i ended up chatting with them until an unearthly hour. made me smile, but made me think as well. some of the seniors expressed their concern over the fact that they think we are too clique-ish. i don't know. i do see that we have 2 distinct cliques in the current clarinet section, but i don't see why that can't change. in any case, i'm part of neither clique, because i make it a point never to be a part of any clique but to mix around with everyone. perhaps, someone else may think that i should get a few close friends instead of a whole bunch of aquaintances, but i beg to differ. so i mix around and i know alot of people, but it doesn't mean that it renders me incapable of having a true deep friendship with someone. the kind where you are unafraid to tell each other what you know the other won't like hearing. look at huda, we've lasted for ages, but we've had other friends along the way, we mix around, is that so wrong?

there are some things you can only confide in with a person you trust, and i admit that, but it doesn't mean you have to cling to that person 24/7. cliques, well, they shouldn't exist. one should allow themselves exposure to everything and everyone, be it the gangster on the roadside, or some high flying CEO. in my opinion, everyone has something to share, and everyone leaves an impression, good or bad. there are things to learn, if you just let yourself free, and don't limit yourself to a group of people. nothing wrong with being loyal to friends, but nothing wrong with mixing either.

even if you cannot do without a clique, well, it is always better to have a huge clique than little cliques in a even littler place. too big a clique? not eternally possible. no clique is too big. NO clique, i say. it only adds to the fun. and besides, its always better to pretty up than play down :)

geez, is already midnight. time to snooze before the exam hits me tomorrow. nites and good luck to all who are sitting for the exam on the morrow. toodles~

marlz

sunnuntai, toukokuuta 29, 2005

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5/29/2005 03:13:00 ip.

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