I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

sunnuntai, toukokuuta 01, 2005

shagged

finally, my computer can be used. it crashed totally for a week, and my dad, by some stroke of genius which he got from God-knows-where since he's almost illiterate when it comes to computers, managed to get it up-and-running. but it is super laggy, since we don't know whats actually wrong with it so i have to bear with it. laggy is better than nothing.

so how i've been. lets see, tired, tired and more tired (read : died, died, dieded). if i ever thought i was shagged in secondary school i certainly think i either was very stupid or that i haven't pushed myself enough. it can't be the latter. nor can it be the former. nay, it was both. darn darn double darn.

so what is that blackhole in my life thats leeching away my energy? none other than that dreaded place called school. ok, so it isn't dreaded. its just tiring. its also partly bcos of syf. which, i must add, is very very depressing. school is generally quite fine, i managed to get my presentation over and done with while trying to learn how to do balloon-sculpting, macaroni sorting, and also a whole load of other stuff, which includes my pi and gpp. academically i think i'm ok. if you call finishing tutorials and managing to squeeze in study time for test ok. its the co-curricular (or what i still prefer to call extra-curricular, if not for the moe) activities that are really stretching me thin. band is fun, no probs there. its the other stuff.

one example, is the civil servants dialogue. i don't see why i should sit and listen to a walking, talking, lean, mean, propaganda machine spouting government policies to me and asking me what i should do to help singapore, and telling me and the other students in the LT that we are the future of singapore when i could be somewhere else either completing my tutorials or practising for syf. i was there only because it was mandatory. for the other students, its fine. for me, it isn't. newsflash, i'm not singaporean, and am not going to ever consider becoming a singapore citizen. i'll stay pr thank you very much. no offence to singaporeans ya. and why i don't want to become a citizen of this fine nation, you ask? well, bcos i like my EU passport which means that i can stay freely in any city that is part of the EU, and enter those countries without being questioned whatsoever. if you still don't get it, then go to one corner and mull over it for, oh, lets say a year or two and you'll get it. besides, i really think that retaining my citizenship in finland is worth it. i like it, and its part of my identity. so there. oh well, so i'm not leaving singapore anytime soon. the soon-est that i'll be leaving is most probably after jc. singapore is part of my system already, since i grew up here, but its the finnish soil, waters and air that i crave and love. lets just say i like singapore for the ppl, not for its government or its land. anyways, my point is, things like the civil servants dialogue are useless to me. bleah.

another thing i've been doing. falling ill. not only that, i've been spreading the disease like hippies spread love around in school. the amount of ppl that i see sniffling and coughing and going home is really astonishing. a number of ppl in band have also fallen sick. abigail lost her voice on the day that i got mine back. joel had a fever. bao lun couldn't make an announcement that day bcos she was ill. and a couple of other ppl feel ill as well and have been dropping like flies when frost gets them. how did i manage to do that? well, i turned up for band exchange on a particular saturday without a voice, wheezing, shivering and also hyperventilating while giving out the flu virus. i also learned on that day that if i don't talk for an entire day and also gargle salt water, my voice will come back. another thing i learnt was that rachel's band (tj) is super good and that ppl like them scare the hell out of me. and the worst part? i've fallen ill again. yes ppl, i'm the pro-est of the pro. that itchy feeling at the back of my throat and the shivering is starting to get really annoying. time for more salt water and honey-lemon mixture.

talking abt syf, the cutting part has been done. and obviously, our section wasn't very happy aft that. a grp of us were crying together in the canteen with the ppl who got cut. and i shed some tears in the lesson aftwards. the practise on that day was terribly stressful and the mood was very sombre. i miss the ppl who got cut. aft all, i know that i'm only in bcos of the instrument i play, not bcos i can play. and its a depressing thought, since it doesn't say much about me. everyone's tired since there is prac everyday, and you can really see the exhaustion on everyone's faces. for one, there's fu quan aka mr bass who gives me that look everytime he sees me and shakes his head. he's super tired, so tired he can't even smile. lisa's also like that,only gives me that agonized smile that makes her look rather constipated (she's gonna skin me alive if she reads this, but its true). in fact, many ppl are very down and out now, including me, though i react by being very hyper (actually i react to everything by being super hyper) and bounce around singing my lungs out and doing really weird stuff that make ppl think i'm high in band and also in class.

the interview for the exco for band was also rather demoralizing. i went in, tried to be confident, tried to be as truthful as possible, and also answered to the best of my ability, though i think that some of my answers were kinda on the weird side
(judging from the looks of the ppl who interviewed me) but i got over it quite quickly. aft that i just returned to my hyper, bouncy and chirpy self and got on with life. oh well, i didn't think it was going to be easy anyways, though it wasn't as bad as that one interview with mrs teo when i was in council. now that was a tough one. i was so overwhelmed that i gave her a blank look and when she asked me how i was feeling at the end of the interview i could only say that i felt overwhelmed. hah. the most truthful, but also the lamest answer to give. oh well. i did say i was the average weirdo didn't i.

since its almost midnight, and i've loads of catching up of sleep to do, but i still feel the need to blog, the rest of this blog will be rather random. at least i warn you beforehand, aren't i a kind soul? *marlz pukes*

vch vs sch, i would definitely say that vch wins hands down. vch will always be my fave concert hall to perform in singapore.

i'm very fed up that i can't go for the 4/6 outing since i'm always not free. and tomorrow's a public holiday and i have band prac. not that i'm not willing to go, its just that it'll be very difficult to wake up. i'm starting to think that the existance of that thing called a LIFE is actually void.

some people really get on my nerves. you do something for them, and then they ask for more and more, and if you cant do that thing for them since you're preoccupied (and pls remember that thing you do isn't actually your responsibility) they blame you and start a row. i feel like cursing ala king lear.

Ingratitude, thou marble hearted fiend!

which reminds me of what ewis said that day that sent me into fits of laughter.

"Eh Marlina, imagine your dad calls you a detested kite like King Lear called Gonerill. He'll probably tell your mom to fly you as a punishment". lol.

i learnt in the past few weeks that a person isn't what he says he is. one fine example is this lecturer i know who claims i should avoid him like plague bcos he has no heart and is void of feelings. it was a pleasant surprise to find out that he had 'take care' and 'God bless' as part of his vocab. at any rate, he's very nice, though he tries to be tough (pls note the use of the word tries.

and oh, Fuad is now officially a part of 05A202, the best class in the world. wheee. i love my class i love my class i love my class i love my class.

and i've also found someone to watch in school. never have i met an eviller creature who takes my heart and soul and makes my existance so exquisitely painful. worst thing is that the person in question is someone i know, am getting to know more, and well, whom i see up close on a regular basis. thank gdness he isn't part of my class. whew.

and so here i end my very very dull story that has probably sent you into a deep deep sleep by now. enjoy lala land and bring me back a gift, since i probably will be neglecting that place yet again in the week to come. to all a good night.

marlz

sunnuntai, toukokuuta 01, 2005

shagged

5/01/2005 02:53:00 ip.

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