I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

lauantaina, toukokuuta 21, 2005

of illness

and so i've fallen ill yet AGAIN. its as if mjc is some breeding ground for bacteria, and they constantly attack me. darn darn double darn.

so i rose from my bed at 7 am this morning, feeling tired. dead tired and very ill. that feeling where your throat is itching, your head is pounding, your nose is running, and your muscles are screaming bloody murder for the minimal physcial activity from the previous day is starting to become a rather familiar feeling. and that isn't a good thing, trust me.

i used to go through a school year, and only fall ill at most one time. its been 2 months in mjc, and i've fallen ill 4 times. the rest of the year looks rather bleak now. but i guess things will look up the moment i feel better. I GUESS. i just hope i don't fall ill again. its annoying.

the medication isn't helping much. i just finished my course of antibiotics (from the last visit to the doctor) yesterday, and i'm on clarinase. the problem that clarinase poses is its side effects. headache, fatigue, muscle cramps, back ache. i feel worse than ever.

so i didn't go to school this morning, instead i swallowed a pill, went to sleep and woke up at 4 pm. i've touched none of my tutorials, and not a page of my econs text and notes has been flipped. in other words, i've been idle. it annoys me that my body chooses to break down everytime i have a mountain of work to do. ITS NOT HELPING. *tears hair out*

miss sunshine is rather ill now. sorry guys.

i'm halfway through jane eyre, and my mother wonders how i still remain interested in the story, even though i've read it around 4 times in my lifetime. i just can't help it, something abt the way Bronte crafts this particular story captures me so.

ah, the rain. i thank God its raining. the sweltering heat has been getting to everybody.

i slept fitfully just now, and amongst that tossing and turning, i managed to dream. a very vivid dream, that i still remember, which is rather rare.i dreamt of a bus. where it was going, i don't know. but i was sitting on this bus. i recall looking up at a steely sky, and not knowing what to think of it. it was cold, so cold that i felt as if warmth would never return to my person. i looked at my hands and saw they were bloodless, and rubbed them together in the hopes that they'd warm up. in the bus were strangers, but for some reason, though their faces were foreign to my mind, i felt that i knew them somehow. that i'd seen them somewhere. none of them even glanced at me, all was silent. and then the bus climbed a slope, and we passed a placid lake. i considered the lake and detested it. something abt its stagnant waters made me feel disgusted. i woke up in cold sweat. a weird dream. but then again, the dreams i remember vividly are always weird ones.

i need a dream diary, like those ppl who want to interpret their dreams. quite frankly, i think trying to analyse your dreams is dumb. i just want to write them down, for they are always so interesting. they remain fresh in my memory for but a moment (rarely do i recount a dream like i did just now) and then it fades away. yes, i think i'll start a dream diary. it'll make good material for the narratives i write from time to time.

the pungent smell of belachan coming from the kitchen is making my nose run again. darn darn double darn. is it me, or is clarinase having no effect on my nose?

i looked through my archives and realised that i've made a gazillion typo errors. its not my fault that my fingers hit keys that i don't mean to hit. its called being SLOW.

-pauses-

oh well, i think i would like to end this rather boring post here, and spare you, dear readers ( though i doubt there are any), your perusal of this rather torturous post, hoping to find something interesting to read. you won't. please forgive me and understand that i hate medicines with side effects and thats why i'm in a kind of foul mood today. sorry.

till i feel well again, toodles~

marlz

lauantaina, toukokuuta 21, 2005

of illness

5/21/2005 09:12:00 ap.

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