I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 04, 2005

its here!

its only in half a day's time. gdness.

syf is taking a toll on everyone. and by EVERYONE i mean even those frm other jc bands. for those who don't know, michelle is this really great girl who was with me in council. she and myself were the heads of admin dep. and the amazing thing is, she was in girl guides before (leader some more, everyone go 'waaaaah!') and she decided to join band in tpjc, and now is a fellow clarinettist like me. yea. so i was reading her blog and i realised that she is also very tired bcos of band. so yea, since its tomorrow, i guess its sort of a blessing. i'm nervous, i can hardly eat, and i feel miserable. but its like that, exactly how it was during my sec sch days as well.

i notice my posts have been abt how bad/good a day has been and then a description of band prac. if its getting boring then sorry, but i realy have no energy to think of anything else. so i just write what comes to mind. anyways, this post will vary since today's post will be abt how today was good and bad, and then abt band prac. not much a diff i know, but well, yea, thats what happens when you're mentally and physcially fatigued. i'm only blogging for the sake of getting rid of my pent up emotions. which is especially impt today, since tml is D day.

yea. so today, i woke up aft having exactly 3 and a half hours of sleep. gulped down some coffee. went to school and did some training, ran around 5 rounds around the track. then aft that we had assembly. saw the sea monster when we were being dismissed to our classes. never knew that his class is that near to mine. today's geog was good since me and donovan (aka cheeky) managed to escape the geog test. mr chen was very nice and is letting us take it on monday instead, AFTER syf. its really a relief since i haven't been able to study properly for the test, but then again it wasn't very necessary. when me and cheeky were at the back skiving, mr chen flashed the question and i realised i actually could have done it today. but oh well, at least if i do it on monday, then i'll have more time to study and i'll get better results.

aft that was recess and aft that more lessons. was pretty hyper since wed is a slack day. like wednesdays. handed in my lit essay, which i spent ages on the night before, thus leading to my lack of sleep. (i slept at 1.30 am) have i mentioned that i love 05A202? nvm if i have, i'll say it again, i love 05A202. so fun.

2 pm headed to band room, to try on the skirt to only find that its very very painfully short. no way can i wear it on stage. its so embarassing. thats when the day started turning more bad. for one, ms sia caught me and mr bombastic hair during the lento part at bar 91 and i kinda got scolded. so now i'm not playing with him anymore. and i feel very sad and guilty. its not abt the scolding, i've had much worse. but if i had just tuned today, i wouldn't have been caught, we wouldn't have been caught. thats the sad part. i feel so much like a letdown. going to apologize to fu quan tml abt it. if only i had tuned. it was heart wrenching to see him stay back and prac that part over and over as i was leaving. really, i feel very sad. and i know he's super nervous over that part lar. damn.

so i went to get a skirt and my court shoes aft school. cost me quite alot, and my mom wasn't very happy abt it. so ya. i mean, thats as far as i can tell anyone how i feel.

i'm waiting for tml with a sort of dread. what if i don't live up to expectations? i'll give my best thats for sure, but what if i screw up? i'll kick myself all the way home. really. i don't want to let down the seniors, since they're hoping for Gold and also since they have put in alot of effort.

vincent made us stay back for a kind of pep talk aft band. i recall doing that many times before, before syf and before performances. it was tear jerking. its a fact, its going to be the last time the year 2s are going to be playing with us in band. i put on a happy face, and tried to be cheerful as possible, bcos some ppl were shedding tears. and i understand why they are doing so. i'm going to miss ppl like the super super year 2 geraldine, the very funny wee kiat, the very soft spoken byt nice yan ching (is that spelt right?), and of course my partner in crime, mr bombastic hair aka fu quan. vincent will still be with us, and although our section won't be affected as much as the other sections, i still feel this sense of loss, and wish that they could stay with us that bit longer.

in fact, talking abt this makes me think of how much a vacuum the j2s are going to leave in the band when they stand down. and the number of j1s to fill it up is very very little. i kind of dread D day, not just bcos of what we will get, but bcos of the uncertainty of MJCSB's future. what will bcome of us aft this? i really really have no idea, but what ever it is, i'll still put in my best to make it happen. no matter what.

and so now i had better get to sleep as the j2s (particularly mr-super-blog/mr president joel) told us to. may God help us tomorrow.

marlz

keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 04, 2005

its here!

5/04/2005 01:28:00 ip.

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