tiistaina, toukokuuta 31, 2005
techno and sorts
everything techno just gets on my nerves. its so....beng. enough said.GP. i don't know if i chose the correct question, because it seems as if half the class chose the same one and i didn't. they did the mass media question and i happily did the arts one. "The arts are merely for entertainment. Do you agree?". geez. i don't know i don't know. for some reason, i feel as if my arguments are very...iffish. its too late to regret so i shall let the matter rest. FOR NOW. wait until i get back my paper. until then, i'll concentrate on my other subjects. *screams* die die die
and i thought the hols would make me feel less tired. apparently not. econs econs and more econs. i DETEST econs. its currently the bane of my life. i seem to see my econs tutor everywhere, bugging me to go for consultations. my econs rep has blacklisted me because my econs essays are always handed in late, if not, then they are half done, bcos i seriously have NO IDEA how to go about writing the darn essays. and i think i'm going to flunk econs for mye. ARGH. someone save me, please.
did i mention that i hate econs? oh well, just checking. in case your head's made of granite or something.
don't mind me. i'm in a crummy mood today. annoyed with everything that moves (and somethings that don't), and i think its because the ms universe pagents aren't much a ego booster, but very much the contrary. thanks you skinny stage traipsing morons. thanks very much. so you do community work and stuff like that and some of you actually don't have helium in between your ears, but hey, you're pretty, and that irks me. *glares*
no, no i'm NOT angsty. ouch my eye, darn that black eyeliner *blinks*
oh well, i watched star wars, like the rest of the j1 cohort. was so uber cool, if not for the ending. i think if not for watching it, i'd be in the dark abt star wars for eternity. was rather annoying watching it with meridians but i got to watch it anyways, so it isn't so bad. *shrugs* i guess.
went out today because geog lecture was cancelled, so i didn't have to go to school. not much to rejoice abt since tml there is econs lecture. major ARGH.
watched ocean's eleven today. one word : clever. and like any self respecting bimbo, i ogled at brad pitt throughout the show.
and yes jake, i'll call you as soon as i escape econs. have i told you that i miss you *grins*
np concert! going to give and (most importantly) receive a promised hug from the BEAR andrew. now i just have to decide what kind of flower or gift to bring for him.
i need some...some. can't tell. but i need it.
and where are you, i've been waiting and waiting and waiting and, well, waiting. get the picture?
*yawns* i need sleep. please pray that i aint as cranky tomorrow. cos i'll be praying for my classmates if i am cranky.
toodles~
marlz
5/31/2005 03:44:00 ip.
sunnuntai, toukokuuta 29, 2005
title
GP is tomorrow. i'm worried, more than ever, especially for the comprehension. comprehension has never been my strength, i'm always better at the essay. i hope it isn't too difficult.i felt...trapped today. one of those days where you feel like, you'd like to be somewhere far away, doing something new and exciting. not stuck in singapore, knowing full well that you have to go to school for an exam tomorrow. reality bites sometimes. i feel like i'm stranded in a cycle that is never ending. all the adventure has gone out of my life. yes, i admit, sometimes, adventure and all things new is scary, it seems daunting at times. but i love it, so much more than the mundane life i lead now. it revolves around school, school and more school. i miss adventure. i miss being up and about. moving from place to place, seeing new things. that adrenaline rush i get as i try things that are totally unfamiliar to me. getting to know people of all walks of life. losing my breath because of the awesome beauty of a place before me. all i see nowadays is the inside of my home, mj and bus 89. how exciting. *yawns* seriously, i need a change. a BIG change. *sighs* a bit more marlz, just a bit more. hang in there
i blame it on that trip to brunei. i blame it on OBS. i blame it on the trip to finland last year. i hunger for more, to see more. why did God create a world, if not for us to admire it, study it, look after it. one cannot do that by just staying put. we have to move around, experience new things, just like our nomad ancestors did.
ah enough of that, i feel stifled by everything today. on to better things.
i was positively elated to receive an email from Julia Huobonen today *waves* miss you guys loads loads loads.
oh, wee kiat added the whole lot of clarinettist to a conversation last night and i ended up chatting with them until an unearthly hour. made me smile, but made me think as well. some of the seniors expressed their concern over the fact that they think we are too clique-ish. i don't know. i do see that we have 2 distinct cliques in the current clarinet section, but i don't see why that can't change. in any case, i'm part of neither clique, because i make it a point never to be a part of any clique but to mix around with everyone. perhaps, someone else may think that i should get a few close friends instead of a whole bunch of aquaintances, but i beg to differ. so i mix around and i know alot of people, but it doesn't mean that it renders me incapable of having a true deep friendship with someone. the kind where you are unafraid to tell each other what you know the other won't like hearing. look at huda, we've lasted for ages, but we've had other friends along the way, we mix around, is that so wrong?
there are some things you can only confide in with a person you trust, and i admit that, but it doesn't mean you have to cling to that person 24/7. cliques, well, they shouldn't exist. one should allow themselves exposure to everything and everyone, be it the gangster on the roadside, or some high flying CEO. in my opinion, everyone has something to share, and everyone leaves an impression, good or bad. there are things to learn, if you just let yourself free, and don't limit yourself to a group of people. nothing wrong with being loyal to friends, but nothing wrong with mixing either.
even if you cannot do without a clique, well, it is always better to have a huge clique than little cliques in a even littler place. too big a clique? not eternally possible. no clique is too big. NO clique, i say. it only adds to the fun. and besides, its always better to pretty up than play down :)
geez, is already midnight. time to snooze before the exam hits me tomorrow. nites and good luck to all who are sitting for the exam on the morrow. toodles~
marlz
5/29/2005 03:13:00 ip.
lauantaina, toukokuuta 28, 2005
Summer
and so summer has arrived in finland, last i heard, it was 25 degrees Celsius, or like a friend told me online, "incredibly hot". erm, riiight. incredibly hot? i think they'd melt into a pool if they ever came here. already, i perspire bucktefuls, and i've been a resident of sunny (and very humid) singapore for 14 years. too bad, my body just isn't tuned to the singapore environment, and i doubt it ever will be.and so they are very happy that they've started their hols. i don't see why actually, from what i know about school there, it is much much much more "slack" than it is here. my finn friends always remind me that too much school is bad for you. and in a sense they are right. but seriously, they schools there rock, partly because of the teachers, and the very different approach that they have to lesson. i mean, just look at HIM
BIG picture for THE MAN.
no lesson could be more fun than one with mr sirkka around, the uber cool history teacher in lyseo. ok, so we don't call him that, unless we're being sarcastic. in fact, its a first name basis with all teachers, so we call him antti. that pic was kindly sent to me by kati, who said it reminded her of the evil characters in constantine. lol. the pose is kinda funny...
but i can understand that they are happy that the holidays are here. not to mention, the warmth and sunlight. it only lasts a precious 3 months every year darlings, so enjoy. =) sure, i wanna be there, not to bask in the sun (gdness me, i have enough here) but to join in the fun and enjoy the smell of green that my friends love to make me jealous over. funfairs, picnics, hikes, the works. but all i can do know is gaze at pictures and WISH for i can't go, nope, i've to stay and study for MYE, which is in 30 days time. 30 days, its not long. but i shan't fret. instead, i'll post some pics, again, kindly sent to me by Kati and some other friends in finland.
ah. talking abt pictures, i found pictures of three children that have gone MISSING in the past few years. how sad how sad. i doubt they can be found again. so here's to the missing children.
cheeky monkey number 1 : norlaila sofie.
lost when she went out to play some years back. kind of injured her head and became rather crazy.
eldest cheeky monkey : marlina sarah.
lost her way when she went to school, what happened to her exactly is unknown. her soul now haunts a new place called mj.
cutest cheeky monkey : abdul kalle.
kidnapped by renegade Mats. has been sighted a number of times playing soccer at numerous void decks, attired in football shorts, a loose shirt that looks like a rag, and slippers. figures. that's what happens when you play with Mats. *shivers*
heck, i'm in a crazy photo mood. one last patriotic one can can can?
there. i'm done with photos. happy? anyways, i hope you ppl have a nice weekend. there's GP on monday! DIE. toodles~
marlz
5/28/2005 02:21:00 ip.
"glamorious"
its cold and hard, as it is every dark morning. its almost pitiful to watch her, gurgling a tune as she packs up, getting ready to move on. but i cannot pity her, i cannot. tears well up in my eyes. i turn, not wanting her to see me, and draw myself further into that shadowy corner.the grey sky grows steadily lighter by shades, a pitch black, to that dark grey, a lighter grey, and finally a sheet of blinding white, so pure in its whiteness that its difficult to distinguish between that cloudy canopy and the snow laden ground. she gets up slowly, and brushes the snowflakes off herself.
i watch her rummage through the bin, searching for something edible, but she finds nothing. as i let my eyes wonder over her person i notice that she's gotten thin, painfully so. there is hardly any indication of flesh on her slight frame. guilt. i wish i could save her, but i know in my heart i can't. even if i ran toward her this very moment and extended my hand, knowing that she would take it willingly, i know i would not be truly helping her. i love her, so much that it hurts me, and everyday, as i watch her demise, i feel as if a part of me dies.
indeed, she was a part of me, many years back. i held her hand in mine, a hand that was small, plump, warm. i gave her her every desire. pampered her. smothered her, almost. we walked on the beach together, and i'd listen to her singing to me. those summer nights we spent on the porch, just her and me, and i'd play with her hair, so lovely and soft, twining the chestnut strands around my fingers. the same hair that i now observed to be dark and tangled. oh, how i wished to take her in my arms and tell her that things will be alright. that i could take her home.
home. where she'd have a warm bed, a roof over her head and me. no one loved her like i do. no one. not those friends that she has now. nor those "sisters", or that "daddy" she had in that lounge 20 miles away. a spiral downwards. it hurt me to know that she hated me now. that she rather not have anything to do with me. that she didn't want to acknowledge me anymore. i wondered how she could desert the one that had loved her always. even now, as i stood in that corner, i loved her with all my heart, knowing fully about her mistake, about her faults. was it not my duty to tell you that you were wrong? was it not?
a movement roused me, brought me out of my chain of thought. she was moving away, and i stifled a sob. desperation. sadness. i wondered if it was going to be the last time i would see her. it took me months to track her down, and now she was going away. i could not help, but trail her for that bit more. just a bit more, i thought. just a bit more.
i tried to follow her pace, hoping that she wouldn't hear the crunching of the gravel beneath my heels. i made sure there was enough distance between us so that i'd be able to see her, but not so little that she'd see me. i didn't look behind me. i didn't hear that vehicle approaching. my heart stood still as i looked behind and i saw the car approach. i try to scream, my not a sound passes my lips. and all i hear is her desperate cry.
"Mother!", she wails. she's seen me, i know she has. as she hits the pavement, she gives me a look that pierces my heart. i feel my legs taking me toward her, and i take her frail body in my arms. she feels so small, like a little robin. my little robin. i cannot help but sob, as she calls to me again in a feeble voice. the vehicle disappears around the corner.
i see flashing, and sirens. the police. so they too are trailing my poor daughter. my poor darling daughter. she smiles, and i see in her eyes that she knows what is in my heart. she always knows. and i see that knowing smile for the last time that fateful night. she closes her eyes, mumbles a sentence, and passes into a place into which i cannot follow. my daughter is dead.
narrative mood today, pls pls comment. i wonder if i'm still ok with writing or if i've become worse so i really want someone to tell me (hint hint eugene/rambu!)
so what have i been up to. well, went for the choir concert. vch brought back memories of crescendo, or like oke put it once, prcs "glamorious" attempt at a concert. really, i don't think it was much of a show. too mechanical, in a way. everything was so military, i think that watching some uniformed group marching would have been equivalent to it. oh well, thats over and done with sometime back, funny that i even bothered to remember it. saw daniel pang there, and a whole group of ppl that i know, some ppl whom i didn't want to see ( err, some ppl lar), and some whom i delighted in seeing (aka my classmates, and the mjcsb ppl, namely, my assistant drunkard). charlyn and co and me went home straight aft. oh ya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLYN! dead tired aft that so i collapsed on my bed after that.
friday i spend gathering my energy, because exams are coming up. GP on monday. argh. die die die. i'm so not ready. darn darn double darn. i pray i do ok.
called huda up today, since i miss her. lol. anyways, we had a good chat and decided to go to that blood donors day function together. not much of an outing, but an outing anyways. we have to make do, coming from different schools and all. planning to go for a crestwinds prac together also. fun fun fun.
have to complete econs today, study geog also. alot to memorize for geog, but its ok, since its easy to link up. so yea, mugger express, its time to cram!
going to cram now, toodles~
marlz
5/28/2005 04:29:00 ap.
keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 25, 2005
high
my computer is perpetually in bad shape. bleahoh well, didn't have much to blog abt yesterday anyways. its TODAY thats the bestest. whoots
first of all, all lessons for J1s today were only till 12.30 because of the soccer match and the council investiture. today, 12.30 means no ECONS. an econs free day, thank God. =)
council investiture was fine, like any other council investiture. only thing i did was yell for Fabian once and then never do anything else already. just clap here clap there. been through 4 until i numb to them, and also a bit put off by them already.
we made a banner for Muhadher. it was "All The Way" and then ADHER on individual pieces of paper. we sure made a hell of a racket on the way to the stadium and i think we pissed some ppl off, but who cares. we're A202, we're that way, and we're PROUD to be that way, so take it or leave it LOSERS.
i think MJ is really great when it comes to cheering. we practivally drowned vj with our cheering, and sad to say, well, we couldn't hear much of their cheers. but i loved the soccer match. never have i seen my class so hyped up. the drumming and the boistrousness, was really infectious. so we screamed our lungs out cheering for our soccer team. the atmosphere was so electrifying. no words can describe that exhiliration, that head rush that we experienced when zul scored the first goal, our frustration when that darn referee granted vj a penalty, the agitation when the soccer ball was deflected off the goal post during the end of the match, and our euphoria when we knew we won. it was the next best thing to that feeling aft syf this year. now THAT was tenfold of this, but still, it felt good.
and so pails were destroyed, voices were lost, and people got wet (and ill), but supporting our mj soccer team was fun fun fun, and i shall never forget it. wheee. we took loads of pictures, went out for dinner and then now i'm at home, wondering how i'm going to wake up tomorrow for school. anyways, friday has been declared a HOLIDAY for mj, so tml is technically the last day of the week, and term 2. haha, i survived a term in mj. lets see i survive the rest. i hope so. *grins*
i dreamt of that 'peanuts' thing, and joel and benny were in my dream. i woke up laughing. lol. first time seh...
still quite high, so i must ride this wave of high-ness and use it to do something constructive (read : do tutorials). nitey nites ppl. toodles~
marlz
5/25/2005 03:40:00 ip.
maanantaina, toukokuuta 23, 2005
naught
badminton was a full 4 hrs of well...badminton and chuckles, giggling, laughing till we nearly wet our pants. what do you expect when a group of really crazy, sunshiney girls decide to turn up for a game together. i swear, the hyperness has something to do with prcs.and so i found out today that my poly friends from tp are starting school tml. no more hols ppl, so i hope you enjoy school. and how dare you not turn up for jam and hope, horrible sinners *glares*
well, aft much laughs and playing, we settled down for a lil break and discussed school. qiqi seems quite disappointed with her choice in subjects and jc. i feel guilty, as a friend, not being able to do anything abt it. begone, dull care! hah. as if that will help anything. hope you settle into school and feel happy there soon ok *huggles*
the game lasted quite long, we started at 4 pm and i got home around 8.30. my muscles are aching, but hey, i had loads of fun. *smiles*
i feel reluctant to return back to school tomorrow. especially since i have ECONS tml. a weekend without econs was heavenly, but i suppose i have to get back to it sooner or later.
i smile. hope to be like you. but my efforts are all for naught. for that is but an illusion. nothing but a watery image. mirrored in a pond. should i touch it, it will be gone.
amidst that cacophony, the disquietude that surrounds, resides an empty, paper heart. it lies silent. what secrets it hides within its complicated folds, i know not. nor does anyone else, but its owner.
velvet curtains. what exists beyond its thick and glorious ensconcement? a play, unseen, unknown to all. scene by scene, wraithlike actors pass. a veiled routine, that crowds pass by.
a mass of words, that none fathom. not for you to understand, for its only a means for me to get rid of pent-up emotions. perhaps, some ppl might find me withdrawn at times. how can i help entertaining a flurry of thoughts, that pass by at the speed of lightning. no, i'm not sad, not in any way. thats why i'm little tall miss sunshine. but i cannot resist the temptation to sit and mull over things, ponder over my very existance, my purpose in life. and after i've had that little rest on the rock at the side of the highway, i pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue my ride to my destination, whistling a cheerful tune. like ET told me once, i'm my best friend and my worst enemy. most of the time, i'm the former, but when i turn on myself, i cannot move on until that internal conflict has been settled. i don't see a path that stretches out before my feet into the horizon, but one that has many bends and kinks. whatever, i don't think anyone gets what i'm saying anyways.
anyhoos, its back to econs and that mango cheesecake that's setting in the fridge. toodles~
marlz
5/23/2005 01:37:00 ip.
BADMINTON!
its been ages since i took to the court and whacked something. today's plan : go play badminton with 4/6 mates. now, isn't that darn cool? whoots~dumb blonde 1 : what's that game again? put mint on? is it, like, a massage but rougher *giggles*
not-as-dumb blonde 2 : *gives the what-the-heck look* dude, its badminton.
dumb blonde 1 : what-in-ton?
not-as-dumb blonde 2 : DUDE!! 2 words : BAD-MIN-TON. wait, thats 3 words.
-both blondes have a giggling fit-
err, like, riiight...
not that i have anything against blondes. i do have something against pretty people. they're just too pretty for their own good. brunettes who aren't pretty *waves* rock!
i'm high i'm high i'm high. perhaps its that sleep i got last night. whatever, i don't particularly care...
till i come back from badminton~
marlz
5/23/2005 04:36:00 ap.
lauantaina, toukokuuta 21, 2005
of illness
and so i've fallen ill yet AGAIN. its as if mjc is some breeding ground for bacteria, and they constantly attack me. darn darn double darn.so i rose from my bed at 7 am this morning, feeling tired. dead tired and very ill. that feeling where your throat is itching, your head is pounding, your nose is running, and your muscles are screaming bloody murder for the minimal physcial activity from the previous day is starting to become a rather familiar feeling. and that isn't a good thing, trust me.
i used to go through a school year, and only fall ill at most one time. its been 2 months in mjc, and i've fallen ill 4 times. the rest of the year looks rather bleak now. but i guess things will look up the moment i feel better. I GUESS. i just hope i don't fall ill again. its annoying.
the medication isn't helping much. i just finished my course of antibiotics (from the last visit to the doctor) yesterday, and i'm on clarinase. the problem that clarinase poses is its side effects. headache, fatigue, muscle cramps, back ache. i feel worse than ever.
so i didn't go to school this morning, instead i swallowed a pill, went to sleep and woke up at 4 pm. i've touched none of my tutorials, and not a page of my econs text and notes has been flipped. in other words, i've been idle. it annoys me that my body chooses to break down everytime i have a mountain of work to do. ITS NOT HELPING. *tears hair out*
miss sunshine is rather ill now. sorry guys.
i'm halfway through jane eyre, and my mother wonders how i still remain interested in the story, even though i've read it around 4 times in my lifetime. i just can't help it, something abt the way Bronte crafts this particular story captures me so.
ah, the rain. i thank God its raining. the sweltering heat has been getting to everybody.
i slept fitfully just now, and amongst that tossing and turning, i managed to dream. a very vivid dream, that i still remember, which is rather rare.i dreamt of a bus. where it was going, i don't know. but i was sitting on this bus. i recall looking up at a steely sky, and not knowing what to think of it. it was cold, so cold that i felt as if warmth would never return to my person. i looked at my hands and saw they were bloodless, and rubbed them together in the hopes that they'd warm up. in the bus were strangers, but for some reason, though their faces were foreign to my mind, i felt that i knew them somehow. that i'd seen them somewhere. none of them even glanced at me, all was silent. and then the bus climbed a slope, and we passed a placid lake. i considered the lake and detested it. something abt its stagnant waters made me feel disgusted. i woke up in cold sweat. a weird dream. but then again, the dreams i remember vividly are always weird ones.
i need a dream diary, like those ppl who want to interpret their dreams. quite frankly, i think trying to analyse your dreams is dumb. i just want to write them down, for they are always so interesting. they remain fresh in my memory for but a moment (rarely do i recount a dream like i did just now) and then it fades away. yes, i think i'll start a dream diary. it'll make good material for the narratives i write from time to time.
the pungent smell of belachan coming from the kitchen is making my nose run again. darn darn double darn. is it me, or is clarinase having no effect on my nose?
i looked through my archives and realised that i've made a gazillion typo errors. its not my fault that my fingers hit keys that i don't mean to hit. its called being SLOW.
-pauses-
oh well, i think i would like to end this rather boring post here, and spare you, dear readers ( though i doubt there are any), your perusal of this rather torturous post, hoping to find something interesting to read. you won't. please forgive me and understand that i hate medicines with side effects and thats why i'm in a kind of foul mood today. sorry.
till i feel well again, toodles~
marlz
5/21/2005 09:12:00 ap.
perjantaina, toukokuuta 20, 2005
ohm
i'm a befuddled lump of....something. whatever it is, no one is as befuddled as me. lol. blur miss sunshine.friday. fridays mean pe, mt and 2 periods of GP. i agree wholeheartedly with ms lai that mj is a hot place. i remember last year, when i came for the open hse, that i was roasting away. prcs feels as if its air conditioned in comparison to mj. so i melted in the assembly plaza during the flag raising.
mt was lesson observation, so i tried my very best to speak malay without that mat saleh accent that i have. so cacaaaat!! we were discussing teenage pregnancy, and ms lai sat in. i doubt ms lai speaks malay, so i gather that she was rather alarmed when only one familiar word kept surfacing during the class discussion : seks/sex. me and ferrino (the one with the rose tinted glasses. literally) were laughing away. in the end, she asked our group what we were discussing and we put her at ease by telling her the topic. so comical. =)
pe was stupid. i wanted to run, but no one wanted to run with me, so i threw a "tantrum" and the j2s who passed by wondered what i was doing with that towel of mine. (lol, actually, benny saw me and kinda laughed) but then we ended up discussing the class tee for learning journey, and went for badminton. that was fun.
today was a bright bright day because.....mrs logan praised my effort for the gp essay! i finished the entire essay, while everyone else only managed to finish 2 or 3 paragraphs, and she marked it on the spot for me. i'm really happy because i didn't do well for my gp tests so far, and that she said i had done everything right this time. with heart as light as light can be i skipped my way to whitesands with my classmates.
i spent the rest of my day reading. and reading. and reading. and reading. and then i walked around, went to the library and read some more. and some more. until i found marilyn bent over a book in some corner alone, so i went there to have a chat. shoot me lar, chat in the library, but i don't care.
then band. looking forward to it all week (dreading also lar, but hey, it made my week fun). we got our forms for genting. joel said his last piece, and then the exco nomination results. and i realised how accurate my bones are, cos i didn't get in. everyone was sweet abt it, and asked me whether i was ok and whether i was going to cry, but nope, i feel happy. a weird reaction for someone who's been "rejected" in a way, i know, but i can't help it, once miss sunshine, always miss sunshine. besides, i have my reasons as to why this should be taken positively and not something to cry over. well, i admit was kinda disappointed initially because i really did want to take up a post(i felt my face go hot *oops*) BUT aft 5 minutes i felt the heat subside, and i suddenly felt happy. i was ok because :
1. i expected it (my dear bones let me know)
2. i think the people who got in are good ppl, and are going to lead us well.
3. i know i don't need a post to contribute to the band, and i can still go around doing little things that help us as a whole
4. i'm terrified of ms sia and being in the exco means interacting with ms sia often, so its a blessing, not a bad thing.
5. (and this is the most important one) i trust my band and their decision.
i sat for awhile, and looked at the other "rejected nominees". and i asked around whether they were ok. i know some of them aren't, and my thoughts now lie with them.
its probably for the best anyways, since i'm so work laden. i'll appreciate the free time ( or the free-er time since i'm not that free anyways). most of my sadness i felt (if i was sad, though i don't think i was)was because of the fact that it was a sad to hear the current exco and j2 batch say their last goodbye. esp the "band dismissed" from joel, which sounded particularly forlorn. i'll miss you ppl many many many many, and though i just entered band, and i hardly know you, its you who inspired
me not to just stay in the band, but also in mjc.
but back to miss sunshine. *grins like a cheshire cat*. yep, i'm happy today. i found a good good chat mate in band, melissa. we hardly had any interaction in the past, but we really connected today. something just went *click*. perhaps it was our concern for this one particular individual, i don't know what it was, but well, we just connected. went out for dinner together and talked alot abt (well, what else) band, and our lessons. we were there for around 3 hrs just talking, and then i came home. very tired.
oh ya, so sad to know tt ppl think of me as someone wishy washy, who cries easily. ok, so i do cry when i'm stressed, but i don't think i'm sensitive to the point that it becomes overly sensitive. wishy washy. bleah. to think i that i rather have boys in my section last time because their easy to teach due to the fact that girls are too wishy washy. *frowns*. marlz you befuddled mess you.
tricia told me to tell seamonster abt that thing and ask how he feels abt it. but i'm afraid. she told me, he might be avoiding telling me because he's afraid of my reaction. then we'd be just passing each other by. but what if seamonster really is indifferent to it. i fear the latter is true. should i tell sea monster or not, considering the fact that he's graduating this year. i don't knooooowww.....
and so another week has ended. contemplating coming to school tml to cram for econs test. seems like no one else is coming. see how it goes tml morning. feel like going, or i'll flunk the next test. AGAIN. i'm sick of flunking econs. i want to past at least one test and prove my worth. its annoying that whole subject. why why why must i take econs. *sighs* but i must study. and complete my tutorials tomorrow. so that i can sleep longer on sunday and monday.
reading is fun. but reading too much makes you muddle headed. don't read too much in a day.
and so i end my post here. hardly anything to read, but i'll come up with something better tomorrow. =) toodlez...
my cup of happiness has just brimmed and overflowed
marlz
5/20/2005 01:20:00 ip.
torstaina, toukokuuta 19, 2005
thursdays
thursdays. just the very thought of thursdays make all 05A202 students sigh. you'll encounter students of pleasant countenance in the morning, but aft the first 2 lessons, we start looking rather pathetic. so i admit we are a bunch of whiners, but at least we're a united bunch of whiners. SO THERE! *glares*i spent my night up doing my pi which i had to do over TOTALLY. so i didn't have time to cram for the lit test today. so annoyed with myself. on wednestday i woke at 4 am to find that i was sprawled over my geog assignment, with my papers strewn over my bed, my pen still in my hand, the light and radio on, and of course, my assigment only 3/4 complete. i don't know how i managed to fall asleep over my work without noticing, but i sure did panic, since the assignment was due that day. or so i thought. i only found out later, that actually only had to do an essay plan, instead of a full fledged essay. but it turned out to be advantageous for me since ms yeo decided to set it as an assignment and so i had less work to do for that day, and the day after.
i've taken to joining the ranks who troop to the study areas or for consultations straight after lessons. it saves me time, it helps me catch up, and i can have some well-deserved rest when i get home, instead of having to complete my tutorials, i get to cram in peace. so nice. the only catch is that i can't stay on band prac days. prolly i'll take to coming to school on saturdays as well.
talking abt test, today's test was a disappointment to me. justin and myself crammed for an essay test, only to find that its actually a fill-in-the-blanks sort of test. and the problem got worse when we flipped the page and discovered that gothic architecture was being tested. in a way, today was also "the day of reckoning", since Dr S challenged us on wednesday to ace the test in return for the S paper. not that i'm striving to do the S paper (i'm not sure yet whether its worth it), but it would be nice to know that i could do it if i want to. judging from my answers, i doubt i will be able to do it lar. but it'll definitely be nice to ace it. quite impossible, since i've not attempted a lit test in 2 years or so, but a girl has the right to dream doesn't she?
frankie and me = mutual liking. lol. its grown on me, though i admit it is rather dry in the first parts, otherwise, its a great read. really. poor poor frankie. in a way, it reminds me of " a paradise lost". frankly, if frankie had been accepted by that annoying old fart Victor, he'd probably turn out to be something thats essentially good, not that monstrosity thats portrayed in most film adaptations of the book.
ah, my back hurts. band tml band tml band tml. i want to know the election results. its been at the back of my mind, a dark nagging thought that gets worse by day. it has resulted in a state of fretfulness, and i've been leaving things all over the school. or like ms lim said " this week you very blur ar, what happened?". it will come in time, i just must be patient *fidgets in chair*
i've hardly any energy to come up with something more blogworthy, so i'm just going through the motions of putting down my thoughts on today. at any rate, i'm sleepy, and since i have completed all my tutorials, and i've revised for my test, i shall now lay my weary head upon the pillow on my bed. to all a goodnight~
marlz
5/19/2005 01:06:00 ip.
tiistaina, toukokuuta 17, 2005
"talking cock"
i got to sleep in today, which is RARE. so i took my own sweet time to prep for school. it wasn't actually that enjoyable since it was incredibly humid this morning, so i "sparkled".i need more prac for lit. more more more!
today was a rather mundane day. not really interested into turning this into a www.whatididtodaywhereiwenttodaywhatisaidtoday.com sort of blog.
my mum was watching survivor yesterday, but i really couldn't be bothered. why? watching a group of half naked men and women running around an island "trying to play the game" (aka lying to each other also known as "trying to monopolize uninhabited-island X") isn't really what i call entertainment. especially since the ppl aren't much to look at, and all they do is "love their tribe" and "play the game". admit it, by the looks of it (and also smell of it, if you were at the island/outback/desert/another-Godforsaken-place X) its getting preeetty stale. i now leave survivor to ppl like my mum who like reality shows. the only "reality tv" i watch is the apprentice. which some ppl may also dislike, so i shall stop my criticism here.
i passed my malay essay. so i didn't get all huffy over nothing. *smiles to herself*
my "red and yellow and pink and green" fit was because of ms lim, SHE gave a meaning to it not me, so don't you dare accuse me of being perverse. *glares*
i miss eric and jakey-saur! darn darn darn darn.
saw a guy in school who looks remarkably like wei loon. ok. lets correct that. EXACTLY like wei loon. which reminds me how much i miss megan's and my batch of council members. to all who read, i heart you ppl! we must must meet soon.
Anand and myself did lap counting for our class during 2.4 today and we got into a pretty heated argument with one of the runners. the conflict got rather out of hand,and ms choy told us to take it inside, where the rest of the class supported us, so it got settled.
i must run off to do my geog soon, so here's a bit of what mr chen shared with us during geog lecture today. kudos to.....
>Singapore's Premier Satirical Humour Website
From : The Coxford Singlish Dictionary.
Z : There are currently no Z entries because in Singlish, Z can always be replaced by 'J', so, 'Zoe' becomes 'Joe', 'Zebra' becomes 'Jibra' and 'Zero', 'Jilo'.
lol. anyhoos, its geog time, toddles darlinks.
marlz
5/17/2005 01:44:00 ip.
maanantaina, toukokuuta 16, 2005
malay test
i felt like snuggling up in my bed and not crawling out this morning because of the malay test. but, i crawled out all the same, feeling terrible since i thought i had not done half my work (actually i did do my work), and turned the cold water on. got to school. went to find my classroom and then sat for the test. turned out not be so much of a disaster as i thought it would be. the ringkasan, well, it made up the disaster. i got my 14 pts, but sadly, could not put it into less than a 100 words. so i think i ended up being short of quite a few points. it doesn't help that my language skills aren't very good either. imbuhan, i could find only 9 words instead of 10. and the prosedur close. well, it went ok by my standards. so now i let it rest, i now hope and pray that i clear this test. que sera, sera.otherwise, today was a nice nice nice nice nice nice bright, not exactly sunny, but bright day. seamonster flashed me a cheeky smile this morning. bright bright day.
as a result, i was in a very high mood today. anyways, i managed to pick on ms lim, especially since she called me blur on saturday, and followed suit by happily turning up for tutorial at C3-2, while we went patiently waiting at E3-2. go figure. one of those days where econs isn't an absolute bore, geography is more heavenly than heavenly can be, and lit, well, is just lit, which is the bestest. i prolly looked like a raving lunatic, or something, but i don't particularly care. i was HAPPY. even malay oral didn't bother me as much as it usually does.
andy likes a girl from band. he was acting like some lovestruck jap fangirl during Geog Lec. everytime he saw her he went "KAWAAAIIII!!". what a distraction. on top of that i had to bear the awful wailing coming from Fuad the entire day because he was thinking of singing a song for his elections. Fuad has a fetish for court shoes. L5.
did i mention i love 05A202? oh well, I LOVE 05A202.
sunshine sunshine in the house. ms marlina sarah, your average weirdo, is BACK!
toodles darlz
marlz
5/16/2005 12:38:00 ip.
lauantaina, toukokuuta 14, 2005
po
today was that darn PO. parents orientation. what is it? a utter waste of time, and cause for argument at home. don't bother going, unless, of course, you want to pig out for free, otherwise, i suggest you stay at home.but nooo, i couldn't just stay at home, or stay put anywhere, for that matter. i had to accompany my parents around the school and get them to talk to my teachers. what did they say? well, nothing, basically. just that i'm a good girl (well now, don't i try to be?) and that i'm chatty. ms lim even drew a laugh out of fuad and my classmates who were listening in on the convo with my mum by telling her that i was blur.
actually, i didn't mind going to school. i was there earlier than i should actually have been because i was returning the blazer to the council. i recall being in council and having a terrible time with blazers and things like that. ours was actually worse because we had to loan out not just the blazers, but the ties, the shoes, and the yellow long sleeved shirts. still, i can imagine how hectic things get when loaning out 80 sets of clothes at a time. the ultimate nightmare. things get lost, sometimes aren't even dry cleaned *grimaces* and shoes suddenly are spoiled. so never bully council, they really have alot of things to do, which also includes looking after you.
went out for lunch with the other band ppl i met at school, and hurried back to school to meet my mom. i was instead directed to LT4 to watch a 'live' screening of the talk, which i found very uninteresting, and so i took out my comprehension and started on it. at least i was using my time meaningfully. finally got to meet my mom, and to my dismay, my dad. my dad, well, not that i'm embarassed to have him there (actually i do like him around sometimes to see the school, if only he would ACT properly and not comment so much) but he just doesn't need to come to these things because he remains silent whenever it comes to teachers. i do not recall even once in my entire schooling life where he actually muttered anything in the presence of a teacher. my mom, however, is very chatty when she's with them, and so i prefer her to be present when its a meet the teachers session. oh well, if he comes then he comes and there's nothing i can do about it.
came home and read more of frankie. dry dry dry book.
i can't really think straight now, and i can only think about how annoying the following week will be. firstly, because there is a malay test on monday. test + malay = very big disaster. i've never passed ANY malay test (except for the o lvl paper and my primary school malay) well before, unless its because i'm extremely lucky and the words that i tikam actually were right.
another test is also up next week, though it isn't really annoying me, rather, its making me nervous. Literature. i'm afraid i won't do well. or rather, i want to do well. i hope i do well. what i've heard people say is that it isn't likely that someone without 3 months will do well. i still pray i do well.
no more presentations up next week. thank gdness. something to look forward to. 2.4 is next week also. i hope ms tan lets me run, i really want to, though i know i'm not part of napfa, i still want to. let me know my timing at least, i don't need all that position stuff.
homework this weekend isn't as much as i thought it would be. so i have time to study! at last. i've been swimming in paper the entire week, so i really do struggle for study time.
i'm not really enjoying my time at home anymore as much as i used to. i feel like i should be somewhere else. i can't really describe how it feels, but i can say that it does make me cranky at times. sometimes things just annoy me terribly, and the things some people say make me incredibly huffy and defensive, which gets me into trouble. maybe its because i'm tired. but for now, i want to spend more time in school instead of at home. i do remind myself that the walls i build around me will not just keep the bad things out, but the good as well. build partial walls, they are easy to climb over when i get too lonesome.
i'm settling in at school, and i find the j2s making me feel totally discouraged. i still plough through my work, hopefully getting somewhere, and hoping that i get decent marks for my tests. but they all tell me that i won't get what i hope for. somehow, it makes me feel like giving up. but i'm not. if i fail, nevermind. i will try the next time to pass. and i'll try harder and harder till i get what i want. i may not feel like i may be doing something worthwhile now, but i know my parents think i am, and therefore, i must not let them down.
one issue i'm concerned about is sleep. i wish i had 40 winks, but sadly i only have 10 to spare. and the other 30 is used up instead when i'm trying to complete tutorials and presentations. and lookie here....its only the beginning. i foresee a bleak year before me, and an even worse one ahead.
one sees beauty when one wants to? crap. things that are so beautiful at times get ugly because of the fact that they are beautiful. it's not that we say it isn't beautiful, its just that its too beautiful.
did a handwriting analysis and found it rather incorrect except for this one part :
Marlina has emotions that are always at the extremes. Marlina is either very elated, or very depressed.
that partially true. ok so its true that when you see me i'm either elated of depressed. well, it did miss out one part, very pissed. hah. and sometimes i'm neither this nor that, like now. i'm not unhappy, but not incredibly happy. so there.
end here. tomorrow is sunday, means i put on face paint and go to war, as i do every sunday. or i could alternatively bury myself in work so that i don't need to go to war. i think i prefer the latter, my room needs some peace and quiet once in a while.
going to get 40 winks this time. toodles
marlz
5/14/2005 02:01:00 ip.
perjantaina, toukokuuta 13, 2005
shy away
shy away. turn look. see approachers, and run.the sea, the wide, wide ocean. perilous, but so beautifully so. deadly. one might perish in that great mass of heaving waters. that grey sound of death, whispering about it, like that little shadow that follows you. simple and sad. its sad, the sea. if you've never seen it. great, but sad.
like a tree that stands alone, against the night sky. a slumber from which it won't wake. so desperately does it want to. move, instead of facing the cold steely glare of those stars above. but it can't, for its rooted in its spot. sad. its sad, that little tree. accompanied by the million stars of the heavens, but so alone.
i flee from you. that little figure i see behind me. i fear you. why do you always haunt me so? can't you leave me alone? give me that solace that i yearn for so earnestly? and so i run and run, blind to everything in my path. will i ever stop running? that constant breathless chase for somewhere to hide. will i ever be able to hide? leave me, i beg of you, stranger. a face thats so familiar yet so foreign to me.
5/13/2005 03:29:00 ip.
adverts
time to advertise. ppl ppl, go to www.dailybacktrack.com. , since Joel, the extrodinary super-blogger has moved! go go go go. i sound like walking propaganda for Joel, just like i did when it Fabian was running for council. nvm, walking propaganda better than walking NOTHING.today was the performance of the 2 syf pieces for the school. zofia and shuhui said that it was impressive, but i'd like to think otherwise. last thursday was much better. anyways, we wasted quite a bit of time in the hall. then me donovan and abigail went to change into pe attire. i ran to malay class to find that i had wasted my energy since there was only 5 minutes left to the lesson.
ran down to pe only to find no one was there. waited for the rest of a202 to turn up. i didn't do anything for pe today since its the 5 stations and i'm exempted from that. all i did was sit around and cheer ppl on. the chin ups were the most interesting. some ppl couldn't do any chin ups whatsoever, and some whom i didn't think would be able to do at all managed to complete 5 with a gusto. (actually, there was only 1 who managed to do all 5. my class is full of ppl from armstrong club) it also is amusing to watch them while knowing my grandfather, a man in his 70s, does 20 chin ups every morning as part of his daily exercise. wonder what the guys in my class would do if they saw him do that. freak out, prolly.
gp was aft recess, and it was while mrs logan was lecturing our class on our behaviour that i discovered i had somehow misplaced my uniform during the day. so i ran out, searching every nook and cranny that i thought i might have left it or dropped it at, and i found it in my malay class. i am a rather irksome creature. it annoys me how many times i misplace my things and panic bcos of the slightest things. sometimes its to my advantage, sometimes to my disadvantage, so it balances out somehow. but i do hope i stop being so much of a worrywart and a SOTONG and grow out of this 'phase'. and i sincerely do hope its a phase. really
went with anand, evelyn, aneesha, and fuad for lunch at magic wok. we left alot of food which was really really bad of us, but we couldn't do anything abt it since we really couldn't finish. went home, bathed, came back for band. by that time, started feeling a bit out of sorts. so i just kept away from noise. silence is so comforting, yet i couldn't find comfort in it today. heart : in footwear. the noise was worse. nothing makes you feel lonelier than being in a crowd that is hyper and happy, when you don't feel likewise. the worst part is feeling lonely in a crowd. so i kept to myself.
we ran through some new pieces, one of which caused me to be rather lost during band, and i found it very demoralizing. we need to work work work more. pack up, arrange chairs in the hall for parent-teacher meeting, aft which we had that "band dinner". the fact that i stuck to myself made many ppl ask me why i was so sad/loner. yea. appreciate the concern ppl, just out of sorts. some things cannot be told, cannot be explained. so i just won't explain and keep it simple can?
went home rather late. wanted to be home late. didn't feel like going home. i suddenly feel...oh well, i shan't go on abt how i feel. like i said. i keep things simple this time.
oh ya, final reminder....GO TO www.dailybacktrack.com. OK?
i think i better catch some sleep while i can. nites...
marlz
5/13/2005 02:39:00 ip.
torstaina, toukokuuta 12, 2005
fitness and stuff like that
my computer has issues. bleah.so. i couldn't blog for a day, and i couldn't access IVLE. and everything like that. how sad how sad.
so. wednesday. we were supposed to have that house comm elections, but i managed to skip since i thought band prac started at 2.30. anyhooos, ms lim let me off and i strolled my way to the band room to find it positively deserted. was quite unbalanced because the exco nominees (includes me) were going to make a speech before the band to ask them to vote for us. so i was pretty much like a raving lunatic.
the other ppl didn't arrive till much later. so i was preparing the lil things that i thought i was going to give out much later. to my dismay, i found out that i have to finish giving them out by next week wednesday. then some of them really look horrid bcos of the lack of ribbon. but no choice. for those whom i have given it to alraedy, i apologize that its quite, well, unpleasing to the eye. to those who haven't got it, wait a little longer ok. i'm still cracking my head over what to write for each person.
dreading that particular day. i wonder what it will be like when we're left to our own devices and to fill in that humongous gap they leave behind.
doing the speech was scary. but afterwards there was this sense of closure. now its in the hands of others, not in mine. i just pray i didn't make a fool out of myself. my speech was disappointing, and someone told me it was too short. i really did plan something but the moment i got in, my mind went blank and i forgot everything. so i just said something, none of which i think got the band's attention. i leave things now to fate. and if i'm not fated to be in the exco, so be it. i've swallowed worse before.
today was the longest day ever (though i believe there are longer days to come). A202 was super pms-ey. tension was in the air, and it got rather heated during lunch. but i think we were all tired, that's why. there were a few absent bcos they were unwell (thanks to me and the positively horrendous weather). and well, we had a rough day. but its over, and tomorrow is always a new day.
gosh. i've a mountain of work to do, including a malay essay *faints*
toodles ppl
marlz
5/12/2005 10:46:00 ap.
tiistaina, toukokuuta 10, 2005
chiasmus
i think its a bit freaky that there was a thunder storm today aft i posted abt my own "storm" yesterday evening. crash boom rumble. i wasn't at sea, but i wish i had been. i miss the sea. the storm, it was...well, i can't describe how i felt. i'm usually rather afraid of thunderstorms, particularly, the lightning. but today i was unaffected by the storm totally. perhaps it was partly because of the company of my fabulous classmates, or the fact that i was high after presenting during literature. simply put, i was in a good mood, reasons unknown.today morning, geography test. i departed from home later than usual and boarded bus 89 with my nose in my geography text and notes. by chance i happened to look up to rest my eyes, and to my surprise (and you might even say horror) i saw a familiar figure standing before me, tapping his card, who turned out to be none other than wee cheng. talk about the familiar becoming scary. the UNHEIMLICH. goodness. i'm seeing it everywhere. oh well, after shaking myself out of the stupor, i managed to mutter a small hi, and hit the books again. not that wee cheng is scary or anything, its just that he gave me a bit of a shock.
i cannot escape lit, its everywhere. and i still have to read frankie *groans*. and i went to do a bit of searching on the net about freud and latent sexuality in gothic literature, need to catch up with the rest. i still love lit, even if it makes me blind from reading by the end of the course. and i really really pity those poor test tube ppl. science is a hazard to your health.
i thought the school would be kind of empty, it being a tuesday morning and all, but noooooo, it was swarming with chemistry students, who were unlucky enough to also have a test this morning. i found justin, sat down and continued reading my notes till evelyn and mohadher arrived. 5 minutes to the paper, we decided to troop to the slaughter room (aka the geog room where the test was held) and awaited chris chen's arrival. as soon as i got the test question i blanked out totally. and i seriously think i did badly, though justin and evelyn would beg to differ. i was writing frantically throughout the paper and just as i was reaching my 2nd paragraph of the last question (which carries the most marks, fyi), mr chen tells us that there is only 3 minutes to the end. a mad scramble to finish all diagrams, label them, and most importantly, finish the last part. and i didn't finish. darn darn double darn. it doesn't help to know that the entire class failed the paper ( not including the syf ppl like myself, justin and evelyn).
so after that we "got out of there" as chris chen asked (or rather, demanded) and went to the canteen to complain about how badly we did. eeeee, we sound like some aunties at the kopitiam. i on the other hand was now trying to finish a malay essay (which was not due today. *fumes*) and my econs homework, which included this DRQ question that i have lost. when will i ever grow out of the habit of losing my things? and also assist NurC in her part about the absolute rule of king lear.
so far, the day sounds bad, but seriously, i don't think it was. i was very high, so i guess that helped me get through it without any pain. aft that we had GP, where my group smoked through yet ANOTHER presentation, having prepared nothing (due to my absence from school), i was forced to do it impromptu with marilyn again. its always us girls doing stuff like this. time to make the male members of our group do some work. aft that we had lit, and the presentation. alan, had some problems fitting my part into the ppt, and we ended up with a rather uneven distribution of slides. the rest had around 2 slides each and i had 8. yea. 8. and the worst part was that we had to the presentation quickly, so rattled on and on and i think i sent half the class to lala land as i was speaking.
and then it rained. yahooo...
the rest of the day was rather boring, so i shall spare you the details. geography lecture today was very interesting. double period, and i survived!
my mood was dampened considerably aft finding out that we had to submit our gpp by tomorrow, and that our group has done NOTHING. nil. nada. zip. but it was a relief to know that the other groups' gpps are non existant at this point in time. so i now have to try churn out a gpp by tomorrow. i hope my brain work is still functioning, esp after reading abt freud just now.
super sleepy, but i have to mug for another test tomorrow. its human geog this time. how depressing.
i think i shall end this post on a lighter note...there's band tomorrow!!! sofunsofunsofunsofunsofun.
time to tackle gpp now, toodles
marlz
5/10/2005 01:22:00 ip.
maanantaina, toukokuuta 09, 2005
calm before the storm
the calm before the storm is over.a raging storm, not just any storm
ignoring it would be like ignoring the howling wind and the tumultuous seas that rock me to and fro, scare me, hurt me, bruise me.
curses. i wish to turn my back on it. sit in a corner, with my hands over my ears, eyes shut. so i would not see the flashes of lightning, the terrible and magnificent growl of the thunder.
but if i do, the waves will wash over me, drown me, toss me around, like a helpless ragdoll, just as all merciless seas do.
or perhaps i could face it like one does during a war. head on.
it'll be like a great sombre procession. bloodied bodies lying before me.
but no, i can't do that i can't.
switch off? be that ragdoll?
i don't know, i don't know, i don't even want to know
it was a mistake coming back. perhaps it was a mistake going away.
5/09/2005 02:50:00 ip.
bio, chem and physics
a day where i actually get home before 7. bliss! *sighs contentedly* yea, so i have tutorials to complete and essays to write, but i got home before 7...finallyi really really do regret being in the pure science class in prcs. ok, to some extent, it wasn't really very taxing since o levels is about memory work and basically nothing else, especially so in a pure science class. i had my best 2 years, in terms of experience in 4/6, and i absolutely adored everyone that was part of it. but i do wonder, whether i would have been better off in the lit class. well, that really doesn't matter. the prime reason why i regret being in 4/6 is because i still live as a 4/6ian now. old habits die hard. take a look at the examples below.
1. yesterday i was sitting in the livingroom when i caught a whiff of this pungent smell coming from outside and immediately identified it as none other than that 'charmed' gas, AMMONIA. and i actually told my mother, "hmm, how nostalgic". *barfs* thats sick. really. since when does AMMONIA register as NOSTALGIC.
2. students like lisa sleep in lectures when they are bored. what do weirdos like me do? become engrossed with finding the center of gravity for every article that i pick up. yep. everything, form the pen, to the ruler to the pencilbox and even the lecture notes. of course it ceases immediately when i fail to find the center of gravity for something particularly heavy, causing it to drop with a very loud clatter, thus attracting angry stares from people infront and to the sides of me. at that point, i start jotting down formulas to find moments.
3. i become intensely annoyed when anyone says that weight is measured in kilograms. for gdness sake, get it into your head, weight and mass are two totally different things altogether. F=ma, can? or are you just too dense to register?
4. i sit in malay class and comment on how a heart should be drawn, since the muscle on the left side is thicker, and the left ventricle needs to pump blood through the body at a higher pressure compared to the right ventricle, where the blood gets pumped to the lungs only.
5. i still look at my junior's notes and tell her that effervescence is due to the production of carbon dioxide, not because of oxygen, and that is the reason why such a reaction happens very quickly. i may be out of touch when it comes to chem-misery, but i still remember stuff, and even can (to the dismay of my sister) recite step-by-step how to do a proper titration.
get my drift? its terrible, of course, and it annoys some people out of their wits, but generally, i'm trying to rid myself of the o level science stuff. it does help, to some extent, esp when it comes to physical geography (particulate theory of matter) but other than that, i find that its sorta cramping my style. how, you ask? well, i can't really explain but ask any other pure sc student who moves into the arts stream. its really irritating, not just for the people who are around you, but to yourself.
i've a mountain of work to conquer later, but for now i shall rest my tired limbs and have a little (and very well-deserved) breather. looks like i have to pick up frankie again and put my reading of dracula hold bcos of a test next week. and tomorrow i have a geog test as well. and another geog test on wednesday. the agony! will it never end?
things at home have sort of settled. but i feel that its the calm before the storm. really i do feel sad over that whole incident yesterday, and that she feels that way, but i shy away from them because i have no idea what to say, and i feel like whatever i say is just something to please her. it isn't the same like before. seriously, video conferencing is no substitute to being with a person one on one. the difficulties in conveying what you're really thinking and feeling are far to great to even consider something like that a substitute to seeing, feeling, just knowing that the person is near. for me, when we were together, as a threesome, silence was enough. we could calmly sit on the couch and watch the snowflakes drift slowly down, or take a silent walk, enjoying the cold fresh air, embracing that calm around us instead of marring it with speech. but with VC, i'm expected to speak. and it hurts me even more, when i know that she knows and he knows that speaking isn't really my thing. when i write down my feelings, i truly do pour everything out, but when i speak, i worry over what i have said, and whether it was the right thing to say. and then there's pressure from the parents. somehow, it isn't the same. not unless we meet and talk like before, but that likelyhood of doing that anytime soon is definitely non existant. i don't know. i really don't.
so my heart is somewhere in my boots right now. enough of that. time to swallow a mug of coffee, and rest awhile before starting on my work. *sighs* if only things weren't so complicated.
major head ache now, and ya, i kind of lost the mood to blog already. oh well, might as well start now. better earlier than later. toodles ppl. have a nice night
marlz
5/09/2005 11:08:00 ap.
sunnuntai, toukokuuta 08, 2005
ardworking
its one of those days where my hands aren't tired, and so i sit down to post again. ok. i admit. i post only when i have a last piece of work and i'm just too bored to complete it, and hope that it grows wings and flies away, or that my doppelganger turns mischevious and takes it away.yes people, i've been immersed in lit, lit and more lit. better than being immersed in econs, econs and more econs. simple reason being that i hate econs and i love books. lear is finally tackled! just have to put it together, rehearse the thing once through and attack the class on tuesday. how fun. i love attacking the class.
i realise that most of my posts end up being very very random. i set out to post about something,and i just end up posting something else. typical me. oh. that reminds me about how i took another personality test. i never get enough of it although i just KNOW the answer will be the same. test number 1. INFP. test number 2. INFP. test number 3. INFP. and today's test....surprise surprise...INFP. so i surrender. no more personality tests for me (or at least for the rest of the year). i'm an INFP. darn, and i thought i might be something more exciting. *pouts*
i suddenly feel very sad, because i realise my english has deteriorated significantly and that i have hardly ANY vocabulary. quite frankly, my italian terms word bank is larger than my english word bank. must must read more. if i can squeeze in the time that is. no wonder i have hardly anyone reading, except for ppl who just are nice enough to want to know how i'm feeling, or those who come just for the sake of criticizing me. for that, i thank God i'm an INFP. INFPs are ppl who can tell you what they think, yet not really provoke you. so there, you'll hardly find anything to criticise here unless its my language ability. must must read more.
watched another Micheal Moore documentary. yes ANOTHER. my first was Bowling for Columbine, today was that 911 show. anyhooos, my conclusion was that Micheal Moore sure knows how to get himself into trouble. in a sense, i do agree that the american government is trying to shove freedom down the throats of lesser developed countries. look, if they don't want to be free, why should you bother? just let them be, have a chat once in awhile and try hinting to them that freedom is the way to go, and if they still don't accept it, then well, what can you do besides go on your way and try to be friends. acceptance and tolerance. definitely something that i place way up there on my list of ideals. perhaps its because i come from an inter racial marriage, and i am what you may call a mongrel (aka the one who doesn't fit in anywhere). ppl are different, they think differently, but they are humans. if you can't accept the way they think, at least try accepting them as humans. i mean, isn't that what you're supposed to do as a human being? but, since i have actually no say in it, i shall refrain from commenting even more. i'm kind of tired of this whole "is america really a great nation" debate. my dad can continue that for you if you like.
i wouldn't just comment on america without touching on the whole world, because, like it or not, america is part of our world. all i can say abt the entire issue is that the world is losing its innocence. just as a child grows up and learns how to honey his words, and starts looking at things differently, becomes "mature", the world is also maturing. society is maturing. it can be considered a good thing, or a bad thing, but that is, essentially, up to each individual to decide. the innocence and simplicity of childhood, or maturity, wisdom that makes things so complicated in adulthood? really, its a question of what you prefer. its inevitable that the world starts to mature, but is it possible to keep things as simple as it can while we mature? that we still retain some of that simplicity that we had as world before?
ok ok, enough of the rhetorical questions. i'm in the mood to brood today. that sounded weird. mood to brood. actually it sounded weird, in a cool way. so i'm weird today. then again, am i not weird everyday? *laughs*
why i take geography? because the environment is so much easier to talk about compared to talking abt people. it never provokes anyone, and when you do run out of people to talk to, you can turn, look at a stone and start a very one sided conversation on how it has developed with it. how fun. :)
yet again, i sit alone in a dark and quiet house during the witching hour, thinking of what might happen if something unheimlich might happen. i have quite the imagination don't i? bad bad bad girl, stop your infatuation with the creatures of the night. oh well, i guess i better be off to sleep, i have school tomorrow *cheers softly*. toodles ppl, have a great night's sleep
marlz
5/08/2005 03:19:00 ip.
random
after having my head in the clouds for the past few days, i've finally returned back to earth rather unglamorously. why? well, you can say i was unceremoniously pulled down by this other thing that torments us students called pw, thus causing me to land with a painful bump on the ground. and i thought i would be able to enjoy the rest of my weekend. apparently not. *rolls eyes*i was tackling lear last night till quite late and i settled into bed to re-read dracula, since i think i didn't go into it enough the last time i did. so i got little sleep, which is probably another reason (besides the fact that i still have 2 dozen gigantic pills to finish) why i'm in a very cranky mood right now. *frowns* bite me.
next draft for pi is due tomorrow. and gpp is due sometime next week. perhaps i'm cranky because i have malay summary to do. yea. i think thats it. malay summary gets me all huffy and upset, because i hate malay. i must pass well at the end of this year, i must pass well at the end of this year, i must pass well at the end of this year. say goodbye to crankiness for ever after that. its not that i hate studying malay, its just that i don't see why someone who's caucasian like me needs to study malay formally. i rather study swedish or finnish since their finland's national languages.
trust jake to make me smile. just chatting with him and he told me he has put up the song i adore on his blog again (ok, so its because he adores the song as well, not because of me). smile awhile and i think of pi, and my heart sinks down down down into my boots. note to self : find time to meet with jake
i visited the cna forums and was utterly disappointed at the response of certain ppl to the syf central judging results. for one, i don't believe in airing your dirty laundry in public, especially when it comes to cyberspace. its sad that people cannot accept things, take things that cannot be changed as they are, and move on. yes, you're upset, but so are hundreds of others. you don't have to go announcing to the whole wide world that it was unfair (although you may sincerely think that it really was unfair). why? well, here are some reasons for you:
1. you're bringing down the morale of other bands
2. you're not giving a very pretty impression of yourself and your own band
3. its so much easier to just keep your opinions and comments to yourself and save yourself the trouble of having to argue with other people who disagree with you
4. i don't think the cna forums are meant to be used as a place to argue over what colour medal you have been awarded.
really, i think that the person who started it should have just kept it to himself in the first place. sigh. *shakes head* what is this world coming to.
comments aimed at a large population to prevent yourself frm pinpointing the exact person hurt more than a comment aimed at a particular person.
back to second draft of pi. darn darn double darn. but tml is a brand new day. (hopefully, not a brand new cranky day)
till i finish pi.
marlz
5/08/2005 10:48:00 ap.
lauantaina, toukokuuta 07, 2005
of red houses and profound english
couldn't resist the temptation to blog while doing my king lear presentation prep. i so love lit, but even i need a break aft 8 straight hours of it ok.so what happened today. hmm, i woke up and suddenly remembered that we got a gold (AGAIN) for syf. i'm going to talk abt band until the ppl in class will be able to recite after me, phrase by phrase.
this morning i was reminded alot of jon jon. why? because i've been thinking abt crestwinds for some time now and of course, i think abt my dearies in the clar section, esp my twin bro and my original partner-in-crime. and also since it is a lovely morning, and he taught me this really lame but cute thing.
"it was a lovely and bright sunday morning, when suddenly.........BOOM....it was a lovely and bright sunday morning"
lame. i know. but i love my section and their craziness. (though i pray hard that they get rid of the maggie mee in the clar cupboard and tidy it up. i don't want my section to be thought of as the UNTIDY section.) so ya. thats jon jon for you. sigh. miss him and fateen and haz terribly. now its only jon left.
i digress yet again. back to TODAY. well, i woke up bcos vanessa called to remind me that the king lear presentation was up on tues and the lit department has a no-tolerance thing for tardiness, so we had to meet up today and do it. or at least, do it half way. to err is human, to forgive is definitely NOT mj's vocab k. so there, had to do something abt it.
so i got ready, rushed down to tamp library to meet alan, nursila, radiah and vanessa, only to find that i was waiting for them at the wrong place for a full 20 minutes. ok lar, eric, i know, i'm the ultimate sotong, but i'm your SISTER SOTONG, so you have to bear with me regardless. lalala...
alan was kind of late and when he finally arrived we made our way to bk to complete our assignment. was very fun. though it was work, and it tired us out, it was still fun. i love my classmates. whoots.
i really really feel very sorry for king lear and cordelia. i mean, most of my grp members haven't really read thru the play yet, so they don't really know what happened, which makes it difficult for them to be empathetic towards the 2 characters. they think that lear is loony and cordelia is stubborn. but quite frankly, its just plain unfortunate that both of them end up dying for no particular reason. but then again, it wouldn't be a tragedy if they didn't die. sad lar, but what to do.
that endless, merciless, ruthless pounding. never shall i sleep another wink without hearing it, over and over in my head. and so i rise from my slumber, shaken.
i listen. but all i hear is silence. that pregnant, stifling, suffocating silence. where is that pounding coming from? why does it bother me so?
eyes, gleaming, unfriendly eyes everywhere. cold harsh stares. they hurt me. like knives they pierce my heart. little stabs that cut me. eat me whole and alive. piece by piece, they devour me from inside.
i look. but all i see is emptiness. alone. that darkness that was once so comforting now hurts me. but why? pray, tell me why, do you keep me within your trappings.
my heart's as light as light can be. don't ask me where the above stuff came from, obviously somewhere from the inside of my head, but for what reason i don't know. esp since i've been so blessed these past few weeks. tired and sick, but blessed nonetheless.
and so its back to Lear and the King of France.
dickory hickory hock, teh clouse ran up the mock. :) toodles ppl
marlz
5/07/2005 02:17:00 ip.
perjantaina, toukokuuta 06, 2005
yay
its now 2 am, 7th may 2005. and the adrenaline is still in my veins. i can't think of that 2 secs aft hearing the results without feeling like i'm soaring, so high, so high, that no one else can see me but myself.but there is another thing that troubles me. i fall by degrees. its over, its over. it whispers in my ear every other second, and i think, whats to become of us now? the year 2s are leaving, and we are left behind. and judging by the numbers, i worry abt whats to come. call me paranoid, call me a worrywart. whatever. but the fact remains that we have to move on, some point of another. and i'm glad i'm in a band where we look forward, and don't dwell on the achievement. unlike some bands i know. so i'm worrying. alot. i'm happy but worried. weird weird worrywart me.
i wasn't in school today to hear joel announce it to the whole school. don't get me wrong, i didn't PONTENG (unlike ewis the pon-star), but i went to the doctor to get myself cured of this very very annoying disease that just won't go away. and the pills she gave me are positively gigantic. loads of grinding for me to do. i'll look like some ailing old maid grinding medicine with a pestle mortar. darn darn darn. oh well, what will be will be.
oh, i saw 2 other mj-ians at the clinic seeking an mc. they looked at me curiously and asked why i didn't go to school, so i told them i was sick and they said "so are we". hilarious. i got super wet on the way to the clinic bcos of the fact that a downpour started halfway to the clinic. and i looked funny cos only my shorts were wet, bcos my defect (being very very tall) caused the umbrella (or umbra like mr bombastic hair says) to only shelter the upper half of me. bleah. i must have looked like a wreck when i first walked into the clinic.
i really enjoyed that celebration dinner at suntec aft the results were announced. somehow i felt kinda sad aft that. it was my first, and definitely going to be my last with the year 2s. they were really really nice, though i seriously restricted when it came to choice of food bcos of religion. (thats why me and my bro eric are always stuck at MacDonalds. but hey, its the convo that counts not the food, since i hardly ingest or masticate anything. eee, thats so bio) and in the end we settled for pizza hut. the company was great and the convo was very fun. its sad that i wasn't there for the first 3 months lar. but yea, who asked me to screw my prelims up right?
i can't sleep....oh mann....
and i miss eric alot alot alot. though i've seen him in the past month sometime with sarah anne. must call him later in the aftnoon.
and i'm worrying abt my gpp and pi and the king lear presentation thats coming up. worrywart worrywart worrywart
haven't i always been a worrywart? a very hyper and jolly worrywart, but a worrywart anyways. the main reason why i'm always so flustered.
do you know that if you run shakespeare through spell check when you use word you get the most absurd suggestions from the computer? its really really funny. somehow reminds me of some ppl i know. very square minded. makes them very cute in some instances, and very annoying at other times. why annoying? cos they never never get my jokes. not that they are very good anyway, but still, at least show you're amused :). otherwise they are very very nice.
i love the Goth paper. its kinda freaky, esp when you sitting in a house thats all quiet and its the witching hour and you think about the Doppelgänger. but ya. its very fun if you don't think abt the unheimlich.
gosh i saw something move *shudders* time to sleep and not let my imagination run wild. and its off to lala land with me. toodles.
marlz
5/06/2005 06:40:00 ip.
torstaina, toukokuuta 05, 2005
i'm so happy!!!
today was D day. yep. syf central judging for jc bands, meridian jc was band number 4. first entry band.WE GOT A GOLD WE GOT A GOLD WE GOT A GOLD WE GOT A GOLD WE GOT A GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
being tired and miserable was part of syf, only that this time it was so much more worth it. aft the tears, tossing and turning, trying to adapt quickly to a new instrument, scoldings, pracs that never seemed to end, and giving it our all, we finally got what we wanted. so happy so happy so happy.
when i first appeared in the morning, i was fine. just very uncomfy in that uniform. then we went to sch. stress. emotional turmoil. i felt defeated. like, suddenly, i felt i couldn't do it. and yes, i was scared. thank you to lisa, charity, felicia, teresa, wei jie, fu quan and joel for trying to cheer me, esp since i was so difficult to cheer.
outside the hall, even more scared. i was on the verge of tears, but i tried to keep them frm flowing. and so we went on stage and sat down. i looked up and had the shock of my life. i took a glance at the judges, just out of curiosity and was startled when i realised that Mr Nonami-san was an adjudicator. i stared at him for quite sometime, not believing my eyes. i mean, Nonami-san, that person who taught me how to bend notes and the proper way to tongue, took my previous band for sessions. that Nonami-san was sitting up there, getting ready to listen to us. but i had to stop thinking abt that since ms sia was up on stage.
quite frankly, i felt very let down and upset aft performing. i felt (and still sort of feel) that i under performed. i squeaked a number of times, came in wrongly at some parts, and i also played wrong notes at certain points. how upsetting. i admit that i cried lar ok, and ya, thanks esp to joel for trying to comfort me. really really appreciate it. =) so then we went back into the hall to listen to the other bands. was sleepy thru most of it, though i did sit up in my chair when pj played their choice piece which i think is super nice. (though felicia doesn't agree since the ending is abrupt). we then went back to mj to keep our instruments. our section went for lunch, intending to go together, but bcos i'm always the odd one out (for being muslim) we ended up splitting into 2 separate grps. by then i felt much much better, and was as hyper as usual. fun fun fun.
at 3.45 we went to SCH to listen to the results. saw chuen yang and he gave me a reassuring pat on the back. gee, thanks cy *huggles* been some time since i see you right...miss our crapping in mep. gave a hug to michelle also, and i also said hi to zhi mei. we thought the entire band was going into the hall to listen to results, but somehow 3 ppl who werent supposed to be there got in, and left the other ppl out. thank gdness there was this one place left, so joel went in.
a whole grp of us went away frm there cos it was going to be super noisy if we stayed in that crowded area, and we moved towards the area behind the stage entrance. and by some stroke of luck, we were allowed inside, into the gallery. was very much like surround sound. screams frm left, right and center, at ANY mention of mj's name. i was very nervous before we got the results, esp when they said that hcjc got silver. but when we got a GOLD (yep G-O-L-D) we just erupted into screams of joy. so happy. ya, so we didn't get the Gold with Honours, but i think we really did do as well as we could.
cheers cheers and also tears of joy when we came out. i find it very sweet that soem guys cried (last time sallehin, my DM previously, also cry bcos he was happy, was very sweet). i got a rose! my first ever rose aft performance. so nice. and we were hugging and shaking hands, congratulating each other.
i may be a pure freshie to band, but i still love mjcsb alot. and i really must thank and congratulate the following ppl for a job well done.
the band exco, particularly those who have encouraged me and the band to FOCUS and stay on track.
the clarinet section. the funnest section around. even for those ppl who did not play on stage today, you made a diff, and we definitely wouldn't have gotten that gold without you all.
the teachers. always understanding and encouraging.
the alumni for their support. though i don't really know them, i still find the support very very very very very very encouraging.
and i'm so happy i don't know how to even phrase my sentences correctly. my sentence structure has gone zoink.
and so the day is drawing to a close. its sad, the fact that its ending and that its over, but i'll remember today always. one of the happiest things that has ever happened in my entire life. so happy so happy so happy.
God bless MJCSB!
marlz
5/05/2005 03:24:00 ip.
keskiviikkona, toukokuuta 04, 2005
its here!
its only in half a day's time. gdness.syf is taking a toll on everyone. and by EVERYONE i mean even those frm other jc bands. for those who don't know, michelle is this really great girl who was with me in council. she and myself were the heads of admin dep. and the amazing thing is, she was in girl guides before (leader some more, everyone go 'waaaaah!') and she decided to join band in tpjc, and now is a fellow clarinettist like me. yea. so i was reading her blog and i realised that she is also very tired bcos of band. so yea, since its tomorrow, i guess its sort of a blessing. i'm nervous, i can hardly eat, and i feel miserable. but its like that, exactly how it was during my sec sch days as well.
i notice my posts have been abt how bad/good a day has been and then a description of band prac. if its getting boring then sorry, but i realy have no energy to think of anything else. so i just write what comes to mind. anyways, this post will vary since today's post will be abt how today was good and bad, and then abt band prac. not much a diff i know, but well, yea, thats what happens when you're mentally and physcially fatigued. i'm only blogging for the sake of getting rid of my pent up emotions. which is especially impt today, since tml is D day.
yea. so today, i woke up aft having exactly 3 and a half hours of sleep. gulped down some coffee. went to school and did some training, ran around 5 rounds around the track. then aft that we had assembly. saw the sea monster when we were being dismissed to our classes. never knew that his class is that near to mine. today's geog was good since me and donovan (aka cheeky) managed to escape the geog test. mr chen was very nice and is letting us take it on monday instead, AFTER syf. its really a relief since i haven't been able to study properly for the test, but then again it wasn't very necessary. when me and cheeky were at the back skiving, mr chen flashed the question and i realised i actually could have done it today. but oh well, at least if i do it on monday, then i'll have more time to study and i'll get better results.
aft that was recess and aft that more lessons. was pretty hyper since wed is a slack day. like wednesdays. handed in my lit essay, which i spent ages on the night before, thus leading to my lack of sleep. (i slept at 1.30 am) have i mentioned that i love 05A202? nvm if i have, i'll say it again, i love 05A202. so fun.
2 pm headed to band room, to try on the skirt to only find that its very very painfully short. no way can i wear it on stage. its so embarassing. thats when the day started turning more bad. for one, ms sia caught me and mr bombastic hair during the lento part at bar 91 and i kinda got scolded. so now i'm not playing with him anymore. and i feel very sad and guilty. its not abt the scolding, i've had much worse. but if i had just tuned today, i wouldn't have been caught, we wouldn't have been caught. thats the sad part. i feel so much like a letdown. going to apologize to fu quan tml abt it. if only i had tuned. it was heart wrenching to see him stay back and prac that part over and over as i was leaving. really, i feel very sad. and i know he's super nervous over that part lar. damn.
so i went to get a skirt and my court shoes aft school. cost me quite alot, and my mom wasn't very happy abt it. so ya. i mean, thats as far as i can tell anyone how i feel.
i'm waiting for tml with a sort of dread. what if i don't live up to expectations? i'll give my best thats for sure, but what if i screw up? i'll kick myself all the way home. really. i don't want to let down the seniors, since they're hoping for Gold and also since they have put in alot of effort.
vincent made us stay back for a kind of pep talk aft band. i recall doing that many times before, before syf and before performances. it was tear jerking. its a fact, its going to be the last time the year 2s are going to be playing with us in band. i put on a happy face, and tried to be cheerful as possible, bcos some ppl were shedding tears. and i understand why they are doing so. i'm going to miss ppl like the super super year 2 geraldine, the very funny wee kiat, the very soft spoken byt nice yan ching (is that spelt right?), and of course my partner in crime, mr bombastic hair aka fu quan. vincent will still be with us, and although our section won't be affected as much as the other sections, i still feel this sense of loss, and wish that they could stay with us that bit longer.
in fact, talking abt this makes me think of how much a vacuum the j2s are going to leave in the band when they stand down. and the number of j1s to fill it up is very very little. i kind of dread D day, not just bcos of what we will get, but bcos of the uncertainty of MJCSB's future. what will bcome of us aft this? i really really have no idea, but what ever it is, i'll still put in my best to make it happen. no matter what.
and so now i had better get to sleep as the j2s (particularly mr-super-blog/mr president joel) told us to. may God help us tomorrow.
marlz
5/04/2005 01:28:00 ip.
tiistaina, toukokuuta 03, 2005
D day
D-day is a day away, (since i'm typing this out at 12 mdnite) and i'm starting to feel nervous. yep. nervous. am i looking forward to syf? no and yes. no bcos its a day away, i've only touched this instrument for roughly a month now and i still feel that i might screw up anytime. yes bcos then at least ppl will stop falling ill due to lack of rest, ppl like fuquan will have a great load off their backs and i will have some proper study time. yes, you heard it right (or rather, saw it right), study time.since when does the slacker study? when (1) she likes 2 out of three of her subjects and (2) she's terrified of ending up in the bottom 20% of the cohort after promos. so i have to start now. and quite frankly, its very difficult to do so when i end school at approximately 8+ and reach home at 9.30. enough time to watch the news, bathe, churn out a slipshod essay, try to study but not get anything into your head and then go to sleep only to repeat the process the next day. at least aft syf is over, i'll have time to churn out a proper essay, study properly and get some proper rest for this tired body of mine. did i mention that i'm ill again? oh yes i did. see what i mean by tired?
talking abt studying, i studied during lunch during the weekend band pracs and before school today only to find out that my efforts were futile. yep, the econs test was a flop. i didn't finish, and i also am very sure that i'm going to flunk. but i guess i kind of expected it. its off to consultations with the teachers. continue to be hyper hyper hyper. and things turn out better.
pe today. means we had to do circuit. and that pesky donovan (aka cheeky) and abigail managed to get excused frm pe bcos they have syf this week. and when did they choose to share this very valuable piece of information with me? while i was nearing the end of the gruelling torture called circuit. why why why me. nvm. at least i'm THAT much healthier compared to them. haha. i benefit long term. haha
band prac today. mood was ok. ppl looked more cheerful. and i was ok. though i admit i was yawning through prac. we didn't really tire ourselves out while running through the pieces.
last post was very very pms-ey. not bcos i'm suffering frm pms, bcos i was very tired, and was very cranky. today i'm more tired, less cranky. can't seem to find anything worth blogging abt, since i'm drained.
one more day one more day one more day.
i realised that 05A202 is a very imaginative (read : sexually deprived) class today during recess. at any rate, when you sit down with them for a meal, you'll end up choking on the food unless you plug your ears while you eat. oh well, if you can't beat them, join them. wheee for A202.
the girls in my class did an analysis on the sea monster, and decided that i'm being successfully 'chummed' by him, not vice versa. its scary to know that i can be chummed so easily. but in this case i really don't mind. anyways, i didn't really chat with the sea monster today, though i did see him. perhaps thats why i can't really blog much. no motivation. bleah
bummed. totally and absolutely.
one more day one more day one more day.
its come to a point where i wake up, look at my essay and wonder, 'did i really write that?'. short term memory, reminds me of dory frm finding nemo. sigh, oh well.
my observation of mjc girls is that they are very nice in general and that most mjc guys have very bombastic hair. lesson learnt this week, always sit behind a girl in an LT. you'll actually see what's happening in front if you do so, compared to sitting behind a guy (unless he's like ewis and has this anti-gel anti-spiky hair thing going on). hey, i've nothing against spiky hair k, just as long as you don't sit infront of me can already.
one more day one more day one more day
i want to sleep but ihave lit to complete. darn. to all others who are now entering lala land, nites.
marlz
5/03/2005 03:26:00 ip.
maanantaina, toukokuuta 02, 2005
sea monsters
disclaimer : any parts of this post that seems a tad weird or crude or depressing is bcos of the fact that the writer happens to be in a zombie state. thank you for understanding.today's one of those days. that kind of day when you wake up and you just know for sure (since you have super bones that feel and never fail you) that its going to be a bad day, so you try your best to make the day good. its that kind of day where you're hyper all day, but then just something bcomes the straw that breaks the camel's back and you just fall to pieces. its that kind of day where you don't know whether to cry or to laugh,so you just do both, bcos everything feels so bad that its ridiculous.
double darn.
so i woke up at 7.40, and by the time i had gone thru my daily morning routine, i realised it was already 8.30 and i panicked. didn't band prac start at 8.30? so i rushed down, hailed a cab and went to school. only to find that i was the second person to arrive, and that the band room was deserted. AGAIN. for some reason, i can never be late, i'm always way too early.
so ppl started streaming in, and finally at around 9.40 we started sectionals. which started out with a scolding from vincent, bcos apparently, our section has a 'bad attitude' and that we 'always stream in at the exact time'. at that point, i nearly cried. but nevermind, i could see ppl were worse off than me so i continued being hyper and chirpy. at least i'd be of some use.
then ms sia called us in for combined. by then i had calmed my nerves, and all was fine again. the result? be more hyper and chirpy.
lunch. stayed in to study for econs test though i was yawning my way through. did a but of coastal geomorphology. chatted awhile. then it was back to practise.
syf is coming syf is coming syf is coming syf is coming.
all i could think of. and i still can't get my running parts right.
damn it. damn it. damn it.
listened to the recording frm that time at sch. couldn't think much. then something triggered me off and my face just fell, i couldn't keep up that hysterical laughter, whether it cheered ppl or not. tired tired tired.
headed to whitesands to meet my mom. its now almost 8 and i'm tired. very tired. but i must go on i must go on i must go on.
one happy thing happened to today. met and talked to the sea monster. i think i better stop babbling abt the sea monster since i've no idea abt the sea monster's feelings and he'll prolly figure out its him by process of elimination.
i hope i pass my promos. perhaps its a tad early to think abt that, but still. i'm always early, never late. i hope i pass my promos.
marlz
5/02/2005 11:33:00 ap.
sunnuntai, toukokuuta 01, 2005
shagged
finally, my computer can be used. it crashed totally for a week, and my dad, by some stroke of genius which he got from God-knows-where since he's almost illiterate when it comes to computers, managed to get it up-and-running. but it is super laggy, since we don't know whats actually wrong with it so i have to bear with it. laggy is better than nothing.so how i've been. lets see, tired, tired and more tired (read : died, died, dieded). if i ever thought i was shagged in secondary school i certainly think i either was very stupid or that i haven't pushed myself enough. it can't be the latter. nor can it be the former. nay, it was both. darn darn double darn.
so what is that blackhole in my life thats leeching away my energy? none other than that dreaded place called school. ok, so it isn't dreaded. its just tiring. its also partly bcos of syf. which, i must add, is very very depressing. school is generally quite fine, i managed to get my presentation over and done with while trying to learn how to do balloon-sculpting, macaroni sorting, and also a whole load of other stuff, which includes my pi and gpp. academically i think i'm ok. if you call finishing tutorials and managing to squeeze in study time for test ok. its the co-curricular (or what i still prefer to call extra-curricular, if not for the moe) activities that are really stretching me thin. band is fun, no probs there. its the other stuff.
one example, is the civil servants dialogue. i don't see why i should sit and listen to a walking, talking, lean, mean, propaganda machine spouting government policies to me and asking me what i should do to help singapore, and telling me and the other students in the LT that we are the future of singapore when i could be somewhere else either completing my tutorials or practising for syf. i was there only because it was mandatory. for the other students, its fine. for me, it isn't. newsflash, i'm not singaporean, and am not going to ever consider becoming a singapore citizen. i'll stay pr thank you very much. no offence to singaporeans ya. and why i don't want to become a citizen of this fine nation, you ask? well, bcos i like my EU passport which means that i can stay freely in any city that is part of the EU, and enter those countries without being questioned whatsoever. if you still don't get it, then go to one corner and mull over it for, oh, lets say a year or two and you'll get it. besides, i really think that retaining my citizenship in finland is worth it. i like it, and its part of my identity. so there. oh well, so i'm not leaving singapore anytime soon. the soon-est that i'll be leaving is most probably after jc. singapore is part of my system already, since i grew up here, but its the finnish soil, waters and air that i crave and love. lets just say i like singapore for the ppl, not for its government or its land. anyways, my point is, things like the civil servants dialogue are useless to me. bleah.
another thing i've been doing. falling ill. not only that, i've been spreading the disease like hippies spread love around in school. the amount of ppl that i see sniffling and coughing and going home is really astonishing. a number of ppl in band have also fallen sick. abigail lost her voice on the day that i got mine back. joel had a fever. bao lun couldn't make an announcement that day bcos she was ill. and a couple of other ppl feel ill as well and have been dropping like flies when frost gets them. how did i manage to do that? well, i turned up for band exchange on a particular saturday without a voice, wheezing, shivering and also hyperventilating while giving out the flu virus. i also learned on that day that if i don't talk for an entire day and also gargle salt water, my voice will come back. another thing i learnt was that rachel's band (tj) is super good and that ppl like them scare the hell out of me. and the worst part? i've fallen ill again. yes ppl, i'm the pro-est of the pro. that itchy feeling at the back of my throat and the shivering is starting to get really annoying. time for more salt water and honey-lemon mixture.
talking abt syf, the cutting part has been done. and obviously, our section wasn't very happy aft that. a grp of us were crying together in the canteen with the ppl who got cut. and i shed some tears in the lesson aftwards. the practise on that day was terribly stressful and the mood was very sombre. i miss the ppl who got cut. aft all, i know that i'm only in bcos of the instrument i play, not bcos i can play. and its a depressing thought, since it doesn't say much about me. everyone's tired since there is prac everyday, and you can really see the exhaustion on everyone's faces. for one, there's fu quan aka mr bass who gives me that look everytime he sees me and shakes his head. he's super tired, so tired he can't even smile. lisa's also like that,only gives me that agonized smile that makes her look rather constipated (she's gonna skin me alive if she reads this, but its true). in fact, many ppl are very down and out now, including me, though i react by being very hyper (actually i react to everything by being super hyper) and bounce around singing my lungs out and doing really weird stuff that make ppl think i'm high in band and also in class.
the interview for the exco for band was also rather demoralizing. i went in, tried to be confident, tried to be as truthful as possible, and also answered to the best of my ability, though i think that some of my answers were kinda on the weird side
(judging from the looks of the ppl who interviewed me) but i got over it quite quickly. aft that i just returned to my hyper, bouncy and chirpy self and got on with life. oh well, i didn't think it was going to be easy anyways, though it wasn't as bad as that one interview with mrs teo when i was in council. now that was a tough one. i was so overwhelmed that i gave her a blank look and when she asked me how i was feeling at the end of the interview i could only say that i felt overwhelmed. hah. the most truthful, but also the lamest answer to give. oh well. i did say i was the average weirdo didn't i.
since its almost midnight, and i've loads of catching up of sleep to do, but i still feel the need to blog, the rest of this blog will be rather random. at least i warn you beforehand, aren't i a kind soul? *marlz pukes*
vch vs sch, i would definitely say that vch wins hands down. vch will always be my fave concert hall to perform in singapore.
i'm very fed up that i can't go for the 4/6 outing since i'm always not free. and tomorrow's a public holiday and i have band prac. not that i'm not willing to go, its just that it'll be very difficult to wake up. i'm starting to think that the existance of that thing called a LIFE is actually void.
some people really get on my nerves. you do something for them, and then they ask for more and more, and if you cant do that thing for them since you're preoccupied (and pls remember that thing you do isn't actually your responsibility) they blame you and start a row. i feel like cursing ala king lear.
Ingratitude, thou marble hearted fiend!
which reminds me of what ewis said that day that sent me into fits of laughter.
"Eh Marlina, imagine your dad calls you a detested kite like King Lear called Gonerill. He'll probably tell your mom to fly you as a punishment". lol.
i learnt in the past few weeks that a person isn't what he says he is. one fine example is this lecturer i know who claims i should avoid him like plague bcos he has no heart and is void of feelings. it was a pleasant surprise to find out that he had 'take care' and 'God bless' as part of his vocab. at any rate, he's very nice, though he tries to be tough (pls note the use of the word tries.
and oh, Fuad is now officially a part of 05A202, the best class in the world. wheee. i love my class i love my class i love my class i love my class.
and i've also found someone to watch in school. never have i met an eviller creature who takes my heart and soul and makes my existance so exquisitely painful. worst thing is that the person in question is someone i know, am getting to know more, and well, whom i see up close on a regular basis. thank gdness he isn't part of my class. whew.
and so here i end my very very dull story that has probably sent you into a deep deep sleep by now. enjoy lala land and bring me back a gift, since i probably will be neglecting that place yet again in the week to come. to all a good night.
marlz