marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, huhtikuuta 17, 2005
what has my band come to?
i find it so difficult to let go of them you know. aft all, i did watch it long enough, and aided it in developing into what it has become today. perhaps its my fault? as i said, i had a hand in letting it develop to its present state. perhaps i didn't do enough? or perhaps i did it wrongly?
crestwinds. i was there when we had that very dirty small and rather uncomfortable room on the 4th floor. we had a lack of instruments, (2 or more to one instrument) we had no pieces that we knew how to play properly other than that 'yellow book' and nothing to practice except for our soe (being always stuck at page 6 number 1) i recall crying on the first day, bcos our conductor got worked up and stormed off and i thought it was my fault. then aft some time, i participated in our very first (and proper) ndp performance in school. we then had our first public performance. i remember not sleeping the entire night bcos of it.
i was there when we got our name, crestwinds. i was there when we got our uniform, and complained with all the other girls abt those hideous shoes we had to wear. i cried with everyone else over that one misplaced drumbeat during official opening. i panicked with everyone else when our percussionists' drumsticks mysteriously disappeared during the performance at macritchie. i enjoyed my band camp. i was the right marker during making of our footdrill video. i celebrated with everyone else over our silver in syf 2003. i was there when we had a change in conductors. and finally, i cried on the day that i had to step down aft our crescendo performance.
definitely, it pains me to see how bad the situation is in crestwinds. it isn't about the bronze. it was never about the bronze. i'm happy with whatever you guys get, whether its a bronze, or a cop, or even if you aren't able to participate. why? bcos its always been abt the people, not abt the skill.
crestwinds means much more to me than getting a silver in syf 2003. i'm over that. i can't be bothered anymore with it. what pains me so is the fact that our band people have turned on each other. the people who used to have affection and respect for every member, regardless of post or of ability, have now decided to turn their backs on one another. they bicker, and worse, they do it over cyberspace. what have we bcome? in our quest of what we call our ultimate goal, we have lost what made crestwinds the most havoc and happening cca in prcs.
i really wonder, did i do something wrong while i was in band that caused this kind of animosity between the current band members? that some seed i have planted has grown into this hideous thing that i can't control. i belive its me. i should have done more. and i should have done it properly.
to hear what i've been hearing all week has really made me feel sad, and very very disappointed. i hear of racism, of squabbling, of accusations being made towards each other. what have we become? its sad, very sad.
to all the ppl of crestwinds, whether you were a former member or whether you're currently in the band, i beg that you settle your differences. you can blame me for your downfall if you wish. but i also hope that you see that your 'downfall' isn't the bronze that you got this year. that is an achievement. your downfall is losing that affection, that respect, that unity that IS crestwinds. thats what you are. blame it on me, your senior, for not doing enough while i was around. but please, please, i beg of you, stop the bickering. at least, don't do it on the world wide web. settle it in a more appropriate fashion. PLEASE. i beg of you.
and crestwinds, i'll try and do more, even with my hectic schedule. and even if i can't really contribute that much. but i'll try my very best. i promise i'm, still your number one fan. no matter what.
4/17/2005 08:25:00 ap.