I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, huhtikuuta 17, 2005
mjcsb
went out for awhile to meet huda. talk awhile. you guys should know abt what.
homework. econs is killer. i'm re-reading frankenstein. its the boring-est book ever. but have to stick to it. have to have to have to.
oh, i'm too lazy to tag, so i will reply all tags here.
benny : thank you thank you thank you for all the encouragement. i've been trying my best, but it seems like i can't do as well as i hope. or as i expect. i do know that badn is not abt syf alone. but syf means alot to your batch, and i know that. thats why i wish not to drag you guys down and disappoint the band. but i'll try i promise.
joel : belief in myself. the one of the many things that i lack. like i said, i'll try. stick it out to the furthest of my abilities.
ET : whee, you tagged! thank you for your advice. and then i'll see how it goes.
sat prac. i decided to turn up aft all. why? well, i was blog-hopping and i stumbled across wee kiat's blog. it startled me to see that he was worried over his own performance. particularly his tone and what not (which, in my opinion, is much much much better than mine. talk abt high expectations) i don't believe that i can make it. i don't believe that i can play. but for some reason, geraldine believes i can make it. fu quan believes i can. wee kiat believes i can. it was very apparent by the way they tried to convince me on fri aft sectionals. in three weeks? i doubt so. but for some reason, they believe in me. so i decided to come on sat aft all, no matter how terrible i looked aft crying the day before.
so i came. had sectionals for a while. then had all the woodwinds combined, with ms sia. then during singapore rhapsody ms sia noticed there was no part for Eb alto clar, and she asked me to play third part for Bb clar. but as soon as i touched the Bb clar, i bcame very depressed, for i found that i couldn't produce any sound. the embouchure change was such that i found it very hard to adapt. so i succumbed to tears. AGAIN. darn it darn it darn it. luckily, lunch time came up and i requested that i stay in the band room.
i looked everywhere and found nothing that could calm me. but suddenly, my eyes chanced upon the piano. since the clarinet was making me so stressed, i decided to sit myself down before the pianoforte and play. and finally i calmed down, till eugene came back. when the lunch break was finally over, i felt much much much better. went thru invictus, and i picked up enough courage to tell vincent abt my problem in changing frm Eb to Bb clar. and it was all settled.
so i've decided to stick thru the following pracs till syf. and i hope, and pray with all my heart that i attain that level of perfection required for syf. though i have my doubts abt it, i'll still try. cos i don't want to disappoint anyone. esp geraldine (who's tried her best to help me), fu quan (who's made me feel very welcome and happy in band) and wee kiat (whom i know is kinda frustrated at not only me, but the entire situation, which mirrors my sentiments exactly). so i'll try.
but in the meantime, back to homework and that monster resting on my shelf. its alive, its aliiiiiiivveeeeee!
marlz
4/17/2005 08:51:00 ap.