I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
sunnuntai, huhtikuuta 03, 2005
deep
deep shades of blue. sigh.
perhaps its just myself. i think too much. stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking. but noooo, i can't. for if i stop thinking i can consider myself dead. so its either i be alive and miserable or dead and, well, dead.
its like what i heard someone said once.
if love was a choice, then who would choose such exquisite pain? ok, well, that person's quote was abt love, but its the same in a sense. same bcos both ways, you dun have a choice, cos its made for you. and you just have to live with it.
well, at least something happy happened today. (though it din really cheer me up) it rained. yea. i consider rain a happy thing. aft that downpour everything is bright and clean and new again.
i miss huda and jake-a-boo today. the two ppl who i turn to for advice. but they are busy. so i shall not bother them.
gonna head down to prcs for band in the coming week. wanna see how their pieces are coming along. yesterday i went thru the mjcsb choice piece for syf. went thru the running parts once thru, i got the hang of it, but i still need work. touch up here and there.
perhaps its monday blues? i dunno. i see ppl who are happy and i think and then my own smile starts to fade. its not that i dun have things to be happy abt, but its bcos i have a number of things to frown abt. i'm grateful for the things that i have, and i think i lack nothing, except that smile that comes frm pure bliss. instead, i feel like crying.
oh heck, perhaps i should cry. haven't in some time anyways, trying my best to be happy and all. i think i will cry. let the tears flow freely for awhile. perhaps thats what the lit teacher meant when she was talking abt drama.
it induces feelings of fear and pity for the hero/great man, which leads to a purging of emotions that has a therapeutic effectcomputer will be gone for awhile for servicing. that means i can't blog. sigh. oh well. no purging of emotions/blogging for sometime then.
till i find my true smile~
marlz
4/03/2005 10:25:00 ap.