marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, huhtikuuta 18, 2005
beauty
in a sense this is for jake, since he asked me to write on beauty a long time ago, and even know, i give him a slip shod attempt. but i hope it will suffice and that he'll forgive me since i'm sooo tired and sleepy.
I’m rather annoyed with how laggy my computer has bcome which makes it very very difficult for me to do anything. That poses a serious problem to me. Why? Bcos teachers are now posting more and more notes and e-learning modules up on the IVLE and its very difficult for me to do anything with a laggy computer. Esp with the E-learning modules. Curses! I hate technology and anything to do with it (besides blogging that is, since it is so much easier to type than write) and I don’t like teachers who like to do things over the net. So much easier if they just do everything in class like every conventional teacher does. I’m more of a traditionalist, if you haven’t noticed by now.
Anyways, other than my annoyance over my computer and its lagginess, nothing else has really spoiled my day for me. Ok, I admit, so that stupid incident this morning did kinda dampen my spirit. Bleah. But other than that, I’ve been on a high all day since tomorrow eric is coming back. Wheeeee. *marlz does a jig* sohappysohappysohappy. He kinda proved his point when he went away, that I will miss him as much as he missed me when I went away. The difference was that I was away for 3 months and he, for a mere 10 days. Yep, but the 10 days have crept by really really slowly without my bro, and I’m really looking forward to his return. (though I can’t meet him at the aeropuerto) absence does make the heart grow fonder.
Oh ya, I meant to tell Ying jie that she can’t give the title ‘dumbo’ to Vanessa anymore, it currently is mine. Why? Well, I was really really dumb/stupido/bodoh this morning. I woke at 4 to come to school, bcos when Ms Sia said that there was prac at 5.30, I assumed it was 5.30 am, and not 5.30 pm. So I rushed to school, since the first bus came only at 5.30 sharp. To my horror, upon my arrival at the school gates, I not only found that there was no other band member in sight but yours truly, but I also found the gates of the school to be locked. So there I stood, feeling very sheepish and also very miserable and wondering how dumb I could get. So what else could I do but sit down, take out that monster of a book and start reading. I waited and waited and waited. And when the hands on my watch approached the 7.30 mark, I felt relieved since I thought that there was going to be assembly. But noooo, I was being stupid AGAIN, since Monday mornings are late mornings, and so I had to wait a further 2 hrs. its only now I realise how kiasu I really am. Geez.
However, I did kinda enjoy my time in the school so early in the morning. Just being there, listening to that hush around campus. That delightful stillness that I love revelling in. It reminds me of the times I was in lukio in Finland. Walking to school slowly in the mornings, listening to the church bell toll. Having a marvellous time in class and then running with the wind, all the way to the lake Saima. Then I would stand there on the water’s edge, wondering how long it would take before the ice would freeze over completely and be thick enough so that I could walk on it to the nearest island. (the ice never did this, which remains to this day, my greatest disappointment about that particular winter) watching the ‘sininen hetki’ or the ‘blue moment’ when this calm decends onto earth and makes you think you’re looking at the world with blue-tinted glasses. Feeling the gravel crunch beneath my heels and breathing, slowly inhaling that cold fresh fresh air. I felt alive. I felt grateful. I felt safe. How I felt today in school, all alone, felt a bit like that, but not quite. I still miss Lappeenranta and the fresh air there.
Oh well, enough about Finland, I’m hoping to go back soon. Very soon. Back to the mundane story of my life.
Well, so aft being the dumbo of the year, I finally found my classmates. Went for lectures. Went for tutorials. And finally, went for band. I was pretty useless during today’s prac since she focused a lot on Sg Rhapsody and only ran thru Invictus once. How sad. I just sat there doing nothing but listening to the rest. Bleah.
But something nice did happen today during band prac, Joel said he likes my blog and that I write well. Whoots. Really means a lot to me, esp since he’s like the best essay writer (in my opinion) in our school, though I do suppose the comment was meant to cheer me more than flatter me. But still, I really liked that comment.
Which reminds me of something that Justin said about me today. He said that I have a very natural authoritative tone to my voice. Uh oh. Not really a good piece of news to me. But he and Aneesha insisted that it wasn’t a bad thing, since its really subtle. So subtle, in fact, that people do what I say willingly, instead of resenting me for saying what I did. But I find it kind of weird that they think so, since I pepper my conversations with others with ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’. I don’t quite consider them commands, like they do, I think they are more of requests. Maybe it’s a matter of perception? Whatever. I must remember to squeeze in more pleases and thank yous in my conversations. Don’t want anyone to think I’m pushy now, do I. Besides, pleases and thank yous are always a good thing, no matter what the context.
So I got home quite late today, around 8.30. During the bus trip back home I saw this tree outside the interchange and it suddenly made me recall this particular painting in my grandmother’s living room. Its of the ‘silitys rauta talo’ or ‘iron house’. Not bcos its made of iron but bcos its in the shape of an iron. This painting is my fave one of all. It shows the iron house from the corner of the street. Its dark, and there’s this street lamp on just at that corner. And it casts this light over the house, making it look so beautiful, with its snow covered roof and snow flakes drifting quietly down from the heavens. The tree reminded me of that, esp since there was this street light just behind it, casting a light on the tree, making it look so beautiful, just like the iron house. And the funny thing is, I’ve never noticed that tree before, though I have passed it a million times on the way to school and back. I’ve never seen it in that light, or admired its beauty. Night does make things change, for the better. Or maybe its just me, since I’m a night baby. I just seem to like the dark more than light.
My post is getting really long. Enough of my babbling, time to get back to frakenstein, my malay karangan and studying for econs tests. Argh. How frustrating.
Till I meet eric tml…
marlz
4/18/2005 02:38:00 ip.