I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here

I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.

As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.

Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.

But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.

To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are

<3 M

sunnuntai, helmikuuta 27, 2005

come undone

currently in love with : sexed up - Robbie Williams

writing bcos of a special occassion. it RAINED today. yep, thats the occassion. may seem lame to most ppl, but i'm tired of melting. finally the heat wave is over. thank God.

i watched Constantine that day with my bro (yes AGAIN, couldn't help it, keanu was that HOT in his suit. *marlz giggles*) at TM. then i saw this guy who looked so familiar and was staring at me. next thing i know, he smiles and i recognize him. of all ppl i met, was my primary school classmate, Khairul Idsham. nearly had a heart attack. the last time i met him was eons ago. i must be getting old. sheesh.

been out to the park cycling alot. do 2 to 2 and a half rounds around the park, using one inner route and the outer route. then i continue by going round the outskirts of pasir ris before going home. so ashamed at my fitness, i mean i used to have much better stamina. now it just takes me so little to get me tired. oh well nvm. at least i get more exercise bcos pei shan likes to call me out for badminton. and she has a knack of calling me on the days i'm out cycling. lol. good for me, so i feel better.

went for a spin today as well, then i went for some badminton after that with pei shan, mastura and teresa. very fun to catch up with them aft so long.

AF and co came over yesterday, watched shutter. was very funny watching them scream and stuff.

results are gonna be out in 13 more hrs, best wishes to everyone. and to all, a good night.

marlz

2/27/2005 04:38:00 ip.

sunnuntai, helmikuuta 20, 2005

passive aggressive bullshit

currently in love with : my robbie williams cd!

yep, i finally got that robbie wiliams cd i was eyeing for 2 and a half months. thank gdness i did not buy it in finland. it would have cost double the price i bought it at! but anyways, i got it and i'm so in love with that cd. think the ppl in my hse are getting sick of that cd. but i'm not. all the songs are so nice (btw, in case you are wondering, its the Greatest Hits cd) everything seems to be my fave. no way i would be able to chose one from all of them. i'm abt to say 'i'm lovin' it', just that it sounds so cliche. great thanks to macdonalds for that. bleah.

went to the movies that day with my mom. my treat. watched constantine. one of the coolest movies i've ever watched. in fact, i wanna watch it again. keanu reeves was so hot! perhaps i should write some fan mail. ask him to exorcise me. *marlz laughs like a mental patient*. yep, keanu is hot in a suit. and YES i know he is 40. but i don't care, he's hot and he acts well. *marlz sticks out tongue* i like the sarcasm in the movie. the storyline is interesting and i like the action scenes. some parts were kinda scary. and the gd part was there were no kissing scenes. yay. i hate kissing scenes, they make me feel like closing my eyes. and i do, many many times. yea yea, laugh at me. overall, i really like the movie. and i really like that keanu played john constantine *marlz swoons*

so yea, i wanna watch it again butno one seems to be free, so nvm. i shall go myself. so pathetic until must go alone.

got kinda interested in hellblazer. that comic. see if i can get a few issues.

went with oke and adeline to the tp open hse on saturday. went straight to the school of business to check out cmm. what happened was so embarassing. (at least, to me) well, i walked straight up to this girl wearing the black tee that indicated she was part of the course and that she would able to help me. i asked her where nadiah was. so this is where its gets embarassing for me. there was this guy standing at the side who was talking to the girl. i assumed he was a student and i interrupted their convo when i asked abt nadiah. it turned out that nadiah wasn't there and then the guy started to talk to me. to my horror, it wasn't a student. in fact, it was a lecturer. WORSE, it was darryl david. aiyoh. so well, he told me to come later for the presentation at 1.15 pm. he looked at me weirdly and then he asked "do you happen to be adrian's sister?" and i was very dazed and babbled something abt me not having elder brothers and was like, who's adrian? and he couldn't hear, so i just said that i had no such brother. how irritating, esp since i'm interested in that course. i hope he didn't think that i was rude. if i get that course, then i'd be in for it if he did. oh well, just hope for the best.

so the open hse wasn't bad. not as grand as last year. the sch of engineering was so boring. design hadn't much to offer. applied science was full of ppl selling food. quite frankly, was only interested in the school of business. i managed to meet nadiah aft all and gave her a humoungous hug! went to see the presentation, which was a skit. the actors were really convincing. and then i went to tm with them to chill. oke then sent me home at around 6 plus.

talking abt school brings me to the topic of results. they are out soon. very soon. kinda looking forward to it, but also dreading it. i've resolved to enjoy my week of freedom. lol. do all the things i wanna do before d-day.

met huda tonight for a chat. talked abt loads of stuff. as usual, we had a great time. so nice to have a good friend like huda. my bestest senior and not just best friend, but best girlfriends. girls need girls just as women need women. to talk to and to air their troubles. was a windy night which was great since the weather is so hot. cannot take the heat anymore. which it was cold again.

really tired now, think i'm gonna hit the sack. nite nite to everyone

marlz

2/20/2005 03:56:00 ip.

tiistaina, helmikuuta 15, 2005

updates

currently in love with : the second you sleep-saybia

yea yea, so i'm guilty. i haven't updated for sometime. BUT i have been visiting blogs regularly and i notice other ppl have also not been updating regularly. so HAH. dun blame me if i take a blogging break once in awhile.

changed the song on my blog. hope you guys like it. john mayer =)

so, aft being home i've been sleeping in, playing, cycling, catching up with friends and calling loads of ppl. and FINALLY i'm un-jetlagged. such a relief.

finished reading the Da Vinci Code in one day. lol. but i loved every moment of it. been doing loads of stuff. mostly, cycling and visiting ppl. enjoying life, being free, while it lasts. aft o's means either jc or work before poly starts. i hope its the latter though. but if my parents wish that i enter jc or ci and if i qualify (which i seriously doubt i will do) then i will do as they wish.

been revelling in music. loads of it. all types, from bach to usher. then i've also found time to hunt down some good books and also do some research that i've been wanting to do. yes, you read it right. RESEARCH. exploring ideas, trying each one, looking at its pros and cons. trying to adopt other ways of thinking and see if it suits me better than what i've been doing before. basically, what i'm doing with my free time now is exploring. doing things that i thought of doing but never got through with it. stuff like that. oh, and of course. ps2 with my mom! its cool when your mom is engrossed in playstation 2. i suppose the interest will wear off in time. i mean, its new and so we're into it. we've never had an opportunity to play videogames. (so i sound like a deprived kid, but hey, better late then never)

kind of worried about some things. travelling is like putting your problems in your luggage and bringing it around with you. just that they are hidden in your luggage, so you don't face them. but when i came home, i had to unpack all my problems and look at them again. its disturbing. its hard. its makes my head hurt. i thought i could run away from certain problems by being far away from certain ppl. i guess i was wrong.

enough of that. anyways, i went out with eric. really, not meeting him for so long made me realise how much of a friend he is to me. really, i'd consider him my best friend. same place and same time. caught up on a lot of things. ALOT can happen in 2 and a half months. quite surprised with some of the stuff he told me about.

then i went out with huda. miss her so much. went cycling to pasir ris park. she's never cycled there from home before though she's lived in pasir ris for so long. (she's more deprived than me) sat near the beach and talked. was in the evening so it was cool. weather was great. i noticed how much i missed the smell of sea air, how it plays with my hair. i never saw the sea in finland. that day was great.

i always come back to the same topic aye. the sea. somehow, not seeing it while i was away made me feel trapped. like i was in some box. yea, the country's land area is huge compared to singapore. but not seeing the sea. it made me feel as if i was stuck somewhere where i couldn't get away from. perhaps i'm daddy's girl after all.

went to parkway with relatives. quite fun.

also met oke and adeline in macdonald at lp tonight. chatted and stuff. talked abt future plans. laughed over the silly things we did before and the nonsensical things that happened in school.

notice that most books have happy endings? that trick us into believing that everything will be ok. that some prince charming will come, sweep the girl off her feet and take her to a place where she doesn't need to worry. how come, books don't tell of the people who suffer their entire lives? who end up beated and bruised, with no one to take them away to that refuge? those who die alone. those who hae a painful death. those who have been wronged. those who have been hurt so deeply, that even time cannot heal them? ever wonder what happened to the prince and the damsel? i doubt they live happily ever after. its not true. there is no happily ever after. why don't books tell us that the couple fell out of love? or that the prince died of cancer?

nothing morbid here. just that well, i find it annoying that the most popular and most loved books are the ones that trick us. that tell us that there will be that happy ending. that ppl will live in peace for ever. they tell us fables, lies, but everyone wants to read us. oh tangled is the web we weave when we first learn to deceive

no one wants to read the newspapers because they are too real. they tell us that there are ppl around the world who can't even afford a slice of bread. there are ppl dying of thirst. that there are ppl suffering. and so little give any notice. quite frankly, i think that the current generation. the youths today are spoiled. they think everything will be alright.

i had this discussion with my mother on me going back to finland for university aft pre-u. i don't have to pay tuition fees, but i'll need to find board, and feed myself. that means getting a job. being alone. ppl tell me not to do it. they say its too difficult. some others, they hear only the free tuition part, and think its easy. my grandparents being there and all. they live far away, many kilometers away. in fact, it takes 3 hrs on the fastest train to get there. my parents tell me its going to be hard. i know it is. but thats life. its hard. and whatever i face would be piece of cake to those ppl you read abt in the papers who have no food or proper shelter. its hard, but i want to do it. bcos, it will cost too much for my parents any other way. bcos i don't want to burden them. bcos i need to stand on my own feet, sooner or later. my parents had it hard too. its going to be my turn in a matter of time. i'm scared i admit. but i have to do it. i have to move forward and overcome it. no matter how afraid i am. i have to get knocked over one day too.

talking abt knocks. hard knocks leave dents. always remember that. if one is harsh, probably, someone has been harsh to that person too. hard knocks leave dents, get it

well, enough of my babbling. i have forgotten to wish everyone

HYVÄÄ YSTÄVÄN PÄIVÄ!!

or, happy friendship day. =)

gd nite to one and all, sleep tight.

marlz

2/15/2005 04:29:00 ip.

sunnuntai, helmikuuta 06, 2005

home again

been so tired, i've neglected my blog. hmmm.

thank you to all the ppl who've been calling and mailing and messaging to welcome me home.

on my last day, i woke up early and then got ready to go. had to get a train to Helsinki. so we went to the train station. felt sad cos säsä was not going with us to Helsinki. it was the last time to see him. feel bad that i couldn't really say goodbye properly since we were rushing.

Helsinki is a very cosmopolitan town. many kinds of ppl, indian, chinese, african, american, just everything. there was loads of slush. and it was kinda dark and wet cos its near the sea and all the snow melts partially. there was trams, the subway, loadsa buildings. think new york, but smaller. something like that. met Pipsa täti and Riita täti at the railway station. we went around, went to visit the Sibelius monument, and also took a ride on the tram. (those things which move in the middle of the road) that was fun. we also went to stockmann for some shopping and lunch. Met Mariko, my father's cuzzie. she's uber cool. Notice she has a Jap name? hehe, born in Japan and she speaks fluent Jap too. then we also stopped by at this coffeeshop. then Pipsa täti had to go home, so we boarded this bus to the airport. the airport is much smaller than Singapores but its still just as good. we had to wait awhile before i was allowed in. said last gdbyes to isoäiti and Riita täti.

the flight back was tiring and very very hard on the back and legs. a cpl was sitting next to me, this middle aged couple frm Hameenlinna. we chatted the entire time frm Helsinki to Bangkok. it was the lady's birthday too, had a mini celebration. aftwards at Bangkok, there was hardly anyone in the plane, so i got to choose a new seat. was very tired too, since i didn't sleep at all.

my dad and mom came to fetch me. then when i got home i gave out all the gifts to everyone, including loads to salmiakki!! haha. then i was too tired to unpack the clothes and all, so i just took a shower and rested. i finally fell asleep at around 11. kinda late.

the next day i had to go and re instate my permanent residency which had (unfortunately) expired during my stay there. what was weird was that i found out that my passport had not been stamped on my way out of singapore, but had been on my way in. the lady at the counter was kinda puzzled. went to change this chain my mom bought me for my birthday. then after that i went to aunty kamsinahs hse.

i spent the rest of the week resting, and on saturday, i went to meet eric at the usual place for dinner. had alot of catching up to do. and we had alot of fun, and also got a chance to share what we had been doing for the past 2 and a half months.

today i undertook 'project clean my room'. yea, so it was kinda messy when i left. feel fully rested but still am jetlagged. cannot adjust to the time difference so fast. i tend to sleep at around 4 am and wake at 12 nn. *sigh* i just hope my body gets back its rhythm.

everyone's been saying how fair i am!! i don't think so. and there have been some changed around here, i've noticed. its nice to be back, but somehow, i want to be there again. it feels as if, i won't ever be satisfied here anymore. nvm, enough of brooding. time to bother myself abt other things too.

well, till next time, tata

marlz