I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, tammikuuta 27, 2005
schools out
today's entry is gonna be kinda sappy. so bear with me
schools out. yep, today was my last day of school. makes me sad, and scared as well. i never realised how close i am to moving out into the world. i wonder if i've taken my youth for granted. i wonder if i've done the best with my time. yet, although i wonder abt my past, i don't regret any of it. the good and bad. i've met many ppl. some whom i will continue to keep in contact with, some whom i've forgotten, some whom i will remember yet never see again. thats how life is, people come and go. and it may sound cliche, but well, treasure the time you have with every single person you meet (good ppl of course). everyone has something to teach you. its not just the teachers at school and your parents who mould you into the person you become. its the ppl you meet, the things you see and the friends you hang out with.
life is like a field of snow, you leave your footsteps wherever you go
i find that really true. anyways, i'm scared. yea, really. i accept that i have to move on, and i am. but i'm so afraid that time will pass me by so fast that i don't have the time to do things the right way. to carefully consider all my choices and make the right ones.
i've been taught well by my parents. and i won't accept it ever if someone says that i've been badly raised. its unfair towards them. but thats besides the point. i'm glad and very happy i have such wonderful parents and a great life. and somehow, i still want to hold on to that. however, i had to let go. thats why i went on this journey. i'm not really alone, since i'm with my grandparents. but in a sense, i am. i came here to a country with a different culture, without my parents to run to. sure, technology has made it easier. i am in contact with them. but not everyday, nor every second. i've had to learn how to make my own decisions.
the journey i've embarked on has made me realise how much i have yet to learn. how much i've yet to experience. and although i've gained more that i had at the start line, i still don't have to security i thought it would give me. i thought that perhaps i'll learn to make decisions and be confident with the decisions i make. but it did not happen. i need to see more. to experience more. to learn more. and most importantly, to
live more. all i've done was troop to school and back in singapore. i see that now. i must learn to live more.
there is no exact start to a phase. the end of each phase melts into the beginning of the new phase. and i'm entering a new one. time to leave my school uniform aside . time to put away my school books. and also time to remember the friends and ppl who got me so far, not unscathed, but in one piece. thats the main idea.
that piece of cloth.
the memories,
woven together
thread by thread
broken in some places
patched in others
pictures
feathers
sequins
glitter like stars
those bright moments
and also the dark
a medley of colours
melting into each other
soft, loving pastels
bright, exciting reds and greens
dark, serious blues and grays
i look at it adoringly.run my hands through the fabric.that soft, soft fabric silently i fold it and put it away. lock it away into the cupboard drawer. and i look at it one last time, smooth it again, before turning that key. and i find in my hands. a new white fabric waiting to be decorated.
till next time,
marlz
1/27/2005 02:37:00 ip.