I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, tammikuuta 08, 2005
härveli
saturday. saturday is good. reasons?
1. no school (stress-less as it is, i still don't like the idea of going to school on saturdays. reason is in number 2)
2. its my official sleep super late day.
3. its the day after the virallinen sauna päivä.
4. i usually go out on saturday.
but today is a better saturday. why? well noora and sonja are here. yay.
yesterday this friend of isoäiti's came over. she's some sort of psychic or something. so she read my cards. and my palm. and 'saw' my energy and my thoughts. or something. whatever. anyways, since i don't believe in this psychic hocus-pocus, i just had some fun with it, and took the important out of the nonsensical. which was something like this :
follow your heart and do what your heart tells you, but remember to use your brains too. sometimes what you think your heart is telling you is not what it really is telling you. you have to think deeply over every important choice you have to make and also learn to be calm and not worry and think too much about things that will settle on their own. you are older inside and ripened before most of the others your age have. but that is alright. do not be afraid of it and accept it, and try letting go and enjoying your growing process. explore your talents and make the most of your time creating good with them. and remember, never, ever to reject a possiblity of solving a problem or getting on with life that seems different. keep it in mind, for it may be the right path for you to follow.
so fortune telling is nonsense, but her advice was very sensible. overall a very nice lady with very piercing eyes. and she also gave me a bear hug when she left! fun. her eyes kinda scared me since she looked into my eyes. i don't like eye contact. unless the eye contact means i'm looking to see whether your eyes are beautiful. höh. after that we chatted awhile and then she went home.
watched some movie about Anne Boleyn and King Henry of England. it was good. i particularly like movies related to history, or that are true stories. then i went to sleep.
so today i made pulla which again, were humongous. though i tried my very best to make them smaller. höh. then noora and sonja came with leena täti and mikko setä with that crazy dog. i'm not scared of it anymore unless it jumps about or something. or runs towards me. but other than that we have a silent agreement (the dog and i) that if i don't disturb or touch it (which i'm terrified and not allowed to do) then it won't disturb or touch me. and i must remember not to be scared but calm around it since it can smell the difference when there is adrenaline in my blood or not. and it can mistake that sign that i'm scared and think that i mean it harm. so i must be very calm. which is what i plan to do. no bolting, shouting etc etc and all will be fine. i hope.
now they have gone out and i just cleaned my room. hoping to go out later. want to walk in the fresh cool air. *sighs* how nice.
1/08/2005 01:45:00 ip.