I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, joulukuuta 10, 2004
reverting
i have a feeling i'm getting worse. i don't like it either, but don't blame me. i can't stop it. just leave me alone
yesterday. went to school. no teacher appeared. eng lesson was cancelled. so we just played computer games in the computer lab. nothing more abt that. chatted with elina. showed her our school website. and she claimed, she'll nv complain about her school again. usually, i'll add a 'haha' here. i'm not in the mood for 'haha's. so if this post seems rather dreary and also very vague to you. then just shut up and bear it. dun tag me abt this post. or if you really can't bear it, then get lost. kapeesh?
what else. that gift i bought kalle was broken in its package. was untouched. so isoaiti called that man who sold it to us so that we could change it. we did change it. at least its not broken. i wasn't in the mood to shop. surprise surprise. so i just asked if we could walk around at the fort instead. it was dark. but i don't care. the lights were pretty. the sky had pretty red, blue green, swirling colours. not the fire fox/revontulet/aurora borealis. it was just the clouds and the lights. everything was pretty. but did i care? no. i didnt really care. so don't ask me if i took pics. i didn't.
came home. yogurt again, but guess what. i didn't eat it. was in no mood to eat yogurt yesterday. despite it being expensive in singapore and the probability that i will not eat it in singapore when i get back since i'll be broke. yea. i didn't eat it.
i couldn't really be bothered. so i watched Krisse. bimbos on screen tend to have a cheery effect on me. didn't work either. so i went to put up christmas decos. guess what. yep. the usual. it didn't work. so i chatted awhile with andrew. calmed my nerves a lil. so i went to sleep. now that thats over. i can finally do what i wish.
i'm reverting back to old ways. my worrywart ways that is. its sickening. but i can't do anything abt it. how can i be thought-free or worry-free. and don't start talking yoga with me. i can't just have a thought and let it go. its not me. millions of things clamouring abt in my head at a time. its a wonder i don't go mad. expect that of me soon. that i go mad. i don't know why its so noisy in my head when its not supposed to. i'm on holiday. i'm not a school. officially, not a school, and officially on holiday. but they still keep coming. mercilessly. i can't even pen down or blog everything out, bcos as i'm doing one thing, another thing comes zinging at me and hits me in the face. and then, when it comes to the single most easiest questions like what i'd like for a drink, i can't answer. not even a single idea. its sickening. its irritating. and its upsetting.
and that thing that i'm bothered abt has NOTHING to do with this. understood. and i thought you ppl weren't supposed to ask. so STOP.
i quote this actor last night on tv : "Is God in showbusiness too?"
think abt that
12/10/2004 08:28:00 ap.