I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
keskiviikkona, joulukuuta 15, 2004
christmas
christmas cheer is overrated. bah. what cheer. i aint cheerful. half the time i don't know whats happening. or pretend not to. and smile. gosh. i'm no hymy tyttö. not at all. but i'm forced to be one. they want you to be kohtelias. and i have to deal with many old friends, i'm practically that hymy tyttö all the time. argh. crummy time still. very crummy.
so. what did i do yesterday. went to school. duh. history. more on the middle ages. abt finland under swedish rule and the continuation of the fight over finn land. the same old. video conferencing i mean. imatra ppl didn't get a chance to play arnd this time, was only a one hour lesson. so we just finished off the thing and went home. not much aft that.
today. no school. don't ask me why, my timetable just happens to be that way. so. went to tiimari and some other places to hunt for some christmas gifts for my relatives who celebrate christmas. just bought some stuff here and there, nothing pricey. however, i did spot loadsa pricey stuff there. can't wait for aft christmas when things are cheaper. i can shop more then, and there'll be more bargains and discounts. did some further shopping. isoäiti bought some candles and christmas decorations. went grocery shopping. then went home. and i still have not spent my 50 euros. which is a good thing. thank you Pipsa täti for your christmas money.
now i am waiting to go to a concert. 2 hrs more to go. some wind orchestra from the music school nearby. must see. miss band. miss band so much.
lappeenranta is so small, you're prolly somehow connected to everyone. or so my grandmother has proven. i hardly know my classmates and the next thing i know, isoäiti just finds the names and already she knows who half of them are, or knows their neighbours, or knows their grandparents, etc etc, etc. talk abt networking. sheesh. today we met so many friends of isi's. that day i met isi's teacher. and then i met isi's old friend. and then there was isi's old friend's brother, and then isi's friends son. blah blah blah. gosh.
so besides classmates, there is this girl, Meri, in school who i am supposed to know. and also this boy Topi, who knows me but i am totally unaware of. but i do happen to guess who he is. this guy, hangs outside my class all the time since he is in the opposite class. kinda tall, brown eyes, brown hair. how do i know its him? he gives me that stare. as if he's trying to figure out who i am. and he fits the description. lately, the stare has changed to a look that says 'i know you'and to a lil smirk. but kind of a loner. all on his own all the time. i just keep outta the way, dun know and dun care. best policy.
tired tired. my head and shoulders and back hurt. nite nite to all that are supposed to be asleep in singapore.
its come back again. that ol dream. but its different know. its as if, i woke up in a place and time where i was me, but everyone else i know is someone else.
12/15/2004 01:58:00 ip.