I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, marraskuuta 09, 2004
bach scale disaster
ok. music's over. time for bio. i've given away my ss and maths books to my sis. also for malay and for eng. thats a load off my back. but i still must keep going, i only managed a few battles and not the entire war. so i have to keep going. but meanwhile, i take a short break aft coming back from music.
hmm, music paper 2. my brandenburg concerto is a confirmed cmi case, and i didn't manage to answer all the questions for the first question. but other than that i was ok i guess. i was so happy that big band came out. what a relief. and thank goodness i could identify the nocturne. so i'm not so bad a gone case. and at least i remembered the coffee cantata and the well tempered clavier. or else really gone case. thank goodness and good riddance. but i won't burn my music notes. they're really too precious. and they make good reading material as well.
so. bio tomorrow. i just hope that it was prelim standard or easier.
i don't know if i'm being a bit selfish. i've been drawing away from most of my closer friends. i don't tell them as much. i drew away most from abg i guess. and i keep my feelings to myself when i'm talking to jac as well. even veli, its the same. what can i do? i feel lonely but i don't want people around. i drew away. i don't know. some ppl say i'm testing them. i don't know if i am, but i don't intend to. its just that, well, i'm afraid. thats the only word i can use to describe my feelings abt this whole issue now. with ppl outside my inner circle of friends, i'm fine. bcos we talk more abt issues that aren't really so personal. mostly we talk abt studies, music, ppl, current issues. not abt our feelings.
i worry abt the consequences though. i visited this blog that i discovered, someone i know. lets call him D. well, i know D as someone who's loyal to his friends. he's got brothers and meis. and i know he takes care of them well. but i saw something on his blog. i saw the trend that when part of his extended family was missing or drew back, he worries. well, maybe thats him. i dunno if my friends worry. but what i'm worried that if i continue avoiding them and telling them how i feel. well, maybe, just maybe, we just lose it all together. ppl come, ppl go. i accept that. maybe i worry too much.
marlz you worrywart you.
i miss my kor. been sometime since we talked. perhaps i can stop this whole thing right here and talk to him instead. yea. i'll do that. aft this agony is over.
till then, goodnight.
11/09/2004 09:54:00 ip.