I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, lokakuuta 08, 2004
bored
i'm very bored. like this song that i just put up. i so love it. not bcos of the show. but bcos of the lyrics.
goin with huda this sun to the secret place, secret activity. mission : top secret. its going to be hilarious. but nvm, nvm. must control myself so that i don't blurt it out. then aft that i can tell the whole wide world. i'm feeling upset, stressed, demoralized.usually in a fould mood by the time i reach home. also means that i do a hell of a load of crapping in school to try keep the mood for the others. if not i'll just be sleeping or mugging in my room. its either one. practising for practical coming up in 2 weeks. i finally got an accompanist. benjamin. well, i initially didn't want to ask him bcos i thought i'd be a burden cos he's accompanying some other ppl also. but turns out that my day is before his, so he can get a feel of the piano there if he is accompanying me. see how it goes, i think i suck anyways.
i so need to destress. nvm, fasting month is up next week. starting our month long fast then. fun. at least that should take my mind of things and make me feel a bit better. why? cos we already have an oven. means i can bake and bake and bake and bake. and i still can't decide what colour my baju ought to be this year. the rest want like a black, but you know me wanting to be different frm them. well, i'm stuck btw light blue and pink. i don't know how. sigh. baking = destress = money = fun. finally.
o levels is coming soon. i'm mugging. can call me mugging queen. just dunno what to do abt that pile of papers in my room. right, horsie? anyways, cookie has that exact same prob, however, we aren't talking right now cos he CONFISCATED something from me. i don't particularly appreciate it. i'm kinda mad that he did it, but i know he did it bcos he cares. too much. cookie, you care too much. i don't know i can do what you want me to. but give me time. meanwhile, give me back my -bleep-. no, it wasn't a swear word, it was the thing that he confiscated. yea. i want it back. get that? still love you loadies.
my eng essay is worrying me. i asked mdm kamisah abt it and her reaction was...
oh my God, that story...she said that i did get a 1, just that the topic matter was kind of taboo. and that well, it was a kind of story that you'd submit for a short story competition, not for exams. so what was her overall description of the essay? disturbing. and you know why? when i realized what i wrote about i was also shocked that i'd write abt such a sensitive issue. in fact, i did not think the story would have such an impact. i wont hide it anymore, my topic matter was incest. yea. you got me right. incest. don't ask me why i wrote it. i don't know. i went with my gut instincts, and just wrote a story without thinking much. i just let it flow. i'm just worried that something like that might happen during the o levels. how would the examiners accept it?
dang. demoralized. this is for cookie:
cos i've already waited too long. and all my hope is gone
10/08/2004 01:35:00 ip.