I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2004
kaiken nakosia
kaiken nakosia! isin sytyma paiva on tiistaina, ja han just sai paketti isoaidilta. sen sisaalla oli salmiakki ja kirja. hah. nyt han nauraa kun se kirja on karjalaisten murretta ja han ei yhta huomannyt etta han puhuu silleen. heh.
well. most ppl wouldn't understand that. just felt like it. i got home late last night. went out with eric to the sp band concert. loved the percussion section when they did their percussion ensemble performance. the crowd obviously loved it. it was very very funny. the next funniest one was the trombone section with their slideshow. pics were really cute. and then the saxophone section was really good. well, i loved the pirates of carribean that they performed, and american graphiti. and since my dear veli was sitting next to me, i laughed my head off. got stomach cramps aft that. literally. had a chance to see mr goh aft some time. saw my BOSS liwei. and i talked to huda and gave her a HUGE hug that she needed. i needed it too. thanks dear. DANIEL. your band did great. congrats. too bad you didn't allow us to shout your name. =) i went to accompany eric to the coffeeshop to eat aft that. then went home.
so well. i had some fun as you can see. got my mind of things awhile. it was better. unfortunately, i saw THEM when i was waiting for eric at the mrt station. oh no. well, i didn't count on it. PR is sure small, and i knew i'd run into them eventually, but well, what can i say but i didn't expect it to be yesterday. kinda got me at the wrong time.
today i woke up at 12 aft spending the nite brooding. then i did some spring cleaning in my room. i went later with huda to cut hair, both her and i did. and i like having my head feel light again. its nice. i finally chopped off my hair. hah. got what i wanted.
i'm tired. thats how i feel right now. not physically though, but mentally. and i also feel very fed up over how things are right now. like i said, things don't feel right. veli, i know you tried to talk some sense into me. perhaps you don't know what it is like to have cousins. i do have them, but you know what, you can't guarantee me that my situation is the same as your other friends who have cousins. well. its not a cuzzie prob aft all, so it can't be solved that way. it has to be solved by myself. alone. thats all i have in the end. no one, but myself. i'm alone. its like that in my head. sure, its a crowded world. but its so lonely to me. the world population can increase and increase, and it won't change. ever. so yea, this is a personal prob. i dunno if i ever will solve it. but i know i will live with this misery for sometime.
i'm contemplating typing my "control" essay out and posting it on my blog. perhaps. mdm kamisah said that it was well written, but the prob was that the conclusion was a bit off, and left her with questions. so i got a 20/30. hardly my best. all bcos of the ending. this bites. so i will change the story, perhaps, and post it here.
it dont feel right.
9/18/2004 01:46:00 ip.