I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, elokuuta 17, 2004
Sarah : the fool
this is the story of sarah...the clown...the fool...the idiot...the one who can't get anything right...nope...she screws everything up...she screwed up her life...she screwed up everything there is that she could...and the worse thing? she don't know how to reverse it...no...there's no hope for the clown sarah...nope...no more...
why is everything so f***ed up...oh ya...bcos of that figging clown...no one to blame but her...
you know what clowns are for? to make a fool of themselves...to make others laugh at their stupidity...to cheer others...to cheer everyone else, but themselves...apparently, thats what i am doing...there's nothing to say...what is there to say but quit?
i'm sick of sch...i thought i'd never say that...but i am...i finally am...i stay in sch to study...i get things into my head...all the additional stuff...it seems...that the days in school grow longer and longer...and not only that, they are dreary...horribly so...mundane activity...thats typical of me to say really...and INFP...we hate mundane activities...we dread them...we fear having to go through a cycle over and over...but isn't that exactly what i'm doing? wake up, dress, school, study, sleep...then do it all over again...sure, things vary in school...but the events are all the same, no matter how one tries to differentiate them...in the end, the clown goes to school...is crazy, does work, feels tired, gets yelled at then goes home...and then the clown takes off her make up...puts her costume aside...and realises, dang, i spent another day doing nothing spectacular...nothing that i remember...and the clown is tired out...she's miserable...but she knows she has to go do it all over again...the fool...why doesn't she just quit, like she knows she wants to?
darn it...to sheena dearie : you're not the only one who feels trapped. its stupid. i've been in this position so many times, yet i still don't know how to get out of it...i'm the fool not you
to fadzie : thanks for the lovely testimonials...i love you and miss you loadies many many mon cher...and wish to meet you soon too...just the two of us like we did just before the exams practicing...
can't i just skip forward...a fast forward in life...like that of a radio...sure this radio has no replays...but i want that fast forward...
f a s t f o r w a r d
8/17/2004 12:53:00 ip.