I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, elokuuta 31, 2004
demented
a prisoner of the past
thats all i am
tried and judged
before a judge whom i see not
for all my deeds
the good,
the bad,
the meaningless,
the useless,
those that made a difference
those that did not
and now here i stand
waiting
within walls
memories that kill me
slowly but surely
i repent
no apologies
nothing can right my wrongs
the walls are smooth
written over with my words
only the nasty are remembered
and the good are dismissed
why?
are they of no worth after being uttered
after passing my lips
did they fall upon deaf ears
or did they just disappear
into nothingness
i stood trial for being me
though i pleaded
for no one to judge me
they did
stuck
a prisoner of the past
i dunno what this was for...just came to me? i guess...i've been writing for a long time...but i just don't know if any of it is of any good...whats the point? no one seems to understand in the first place...my lil word games are meaningless to everyone else but me
today's teachers' day was a teachers' disaster...yep...the lovely corsages that were made...they put in so much effort...were thrown away...i managed to salvage some...the hall was in a mess and no one bothered to clean up...the concert items were swapped around over and over...i'm very HAPPY with my emcees and the way they handled everything...i'm very UNHAPPY with stage management because of they was they handled everything...and i'm very very UNHAPPY over the fact that people don't cut us some slack and confirm everything BEFORE the whole event instead of LAST MINUTE...talk about time management prcs? talk about efficiency? well, no where near there yet...everything made all of us blow...and the TEACHERS certainly had a HAPPY day whereas our hard work went down the drain and not only were we tired but also very very MISERABLE...thanks to you people...*swears*...-bleeeeeeep-
so i slept the rest of the day away...was too tired to do anything else...sickening...love my music...thank you to jacob who tried to make me chill today...i think i would've blown otherwise...nice to see you...still fuming though....
i don't know anything...everything just seems blank...like a book with empty pages...like a pen with no ink...like a flute with no holes...like face without features...frustrating...
p r i s o n e r - o f - t i m e
8/31/2004 01:48:00 ip.