marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, elokuuta 31, 2004
demented
a prisoner of the past
thats all i am
tried and judged
before a judge whom i see not
for all my deeds
the good,
the bad,
the meaningless,
the useless,
those that made a difference
those that did not
and now here i stand
waiting
within walls
memories that kill me
slowly but surely
i repent
no apologies
nothing can right my wrongs
the walls are smooth
written over with my words
only the nasty are remembered
and the good are dismissed
why?
are they of no worth after being uttered
after passing my lips
did they fall upon deaf ears
or did they just disappear
into nothingness
i stood trial for being me
though i pleaded
for no one to judge me
they did
stuck
a prisoner of the past
i dunno what this was for...just came to me? i guess...i've been writing for a long time...but i just don't know if any of it is of any good...whats the point? no one seems to understand in the first place...my lil word games are meaningless to everyone else but me
today's teachers' day was a teachers' disaster...yep...the lovely corsages that were made...they put in so much effort...were thrown away...i managed to salvage some...the hall was in a mess and no one bothered to clean up...the concert items were swapped around over and over...i'm very HAPPY with my emcees and the way they handled everything...i'm very UNHAPPY with stage management because of they was they handled everything...and i'm very very UNHAPPY over the fact that people don't cut us some slack and confirm everything BEFORE the whole event instead of LAST MINUTE...talk about time management prcs? talk about efficiency? well, no where near there yet...everything made all of us blow...and the TEACHERS certainly had a HAPPY day whereas our hard work went down the drain and not only were we tired but also very very MISERABLE...thanks to you people...*swears*...-bleeeeeeep-
so i slept the rest of the day away...was too tired to do anything else...sickening...love my music...thank you to jacob who tried to make me chill today...i think i would've blown otherwise...nice to see you...still fuming though....
i don't know anything...everything just seems blank...like a book with empty pages...like a pen with no ink...like a flute with no holes...like face without features...frustrating...
p r i s o n e r - o f - t i m e
8/31/2004 01:48:00 ip.
maanantaina, elokuuta 30, 2004
aiyoh
well..tired...very tired...just had prelim practical...no rehearsal today...also aft i boycotted someone today...(very super duper angry at that person)...then also had assembly where i saw the ever cute rodney oliviero...wheee~ sooo coool...i love rodney oliviero...he's sooo cute...omg, i'm gushing abt a cute guy again...*slaps herself* so...well...abt todays' lecture...i RESERVE my comments...just feeling very very upset...was sooo NOT fun...and
well, went out on sat with huda dearie...yay...was so fun...out the entire aftnoon...then we went to airport...had a good talk with her...then we walk around tampines and the airport...saw some prcs ppl...like that lah...oh ya, that thing at the perfume shop...*winks*...only huda knows heh...keep it to yourself aye dearie...we'll do it again when we go out the next time...
sun...stayed at home...usual rough tumbling around the house...slept many many...
today came back and saw the obs photos...there were some ppl in livingstone and NO JUNKo...yea!! well, connel was in charge of batutta and we saw the photos...
i feel like he's haunting me.
sigh...sheena i miss you
8/30/2004 12:29:00 ip.
lauantaina, elokuuta 28, 2004
OBS II
more on OBS...
Wednesday : me ain and wati woke up...we proceeded to brush our teeth near the sea and had to clean up the area...we were quite early...in fact, all the Livingstone watch people were early...wati and i decided to take the tent down, with was smiple due to the soft sand...however, when we rolled it up to put it into our tent bag, it was super sandy, and we had problems fitting it in...we also lost so many tent pegs...we left our kayaks on the sand and the lifejackets on the trees...our packs were in the lil hut at the back...we finished packing quite early, since we hardly unpacked the night before...(pack unpack pack unpack ACTION PACKED)...and we changed into long pants and a shirt...then this JUNKo ppl came to ask us for water...said that they had no more...we sort of kicked up a fuss...found out that alex and that fredrick had given that spoilt brat christine the water to wash her looong hair...woa, smart move...what to do? our buddy watch...so we gave them some...and we were late cos they took so long to pack and to do area cleaning and so called got scolded by hiap luh...ya lah, like that lah...so we left...it was our land ex...me and ain and wati agreed that i would carry the tent for the day...it was my turn anyway...so i did, and we elected you zhuo and jean to be our leaders...many many mosquito ar...so itchy...i only remember a red pathway...and nothing much else basically....we walked to some kampung noordin...i remember to the point where we were in front of the CC and they were eating raisins...is that correct or not? ok well, whatever...the reason i don't remember anything is prolly bcos i was suffering heat exhaustion...i dun remember any other part of the land ex...and out of the blue, we arrived and i remember sitting on a log and hiap luh asking me how i was...i also remember that we took so long to hammer the tent pegs into the ground bcos it was rocky...we changed in the tent again...this time we had a spade to dig a "shit hole" haha...so funny...i remember that the ground was red...it started to rain, so we couldn't cook...there was this steep hill up to the campsite and also it was covered with bushes...it was near a reservoir so we filled our jerry cans...then zarifah and myself had this wacky idea to take a photo pointing at the miserable site...so we did...then they ate frm the tins with bread...i could see they were famished...they told me i was scary during the expedition...what eugene told me was that i sunk down every break...jean told me that i refused to let go of the tent and that i kept walking into the bushes and swaying from side to side...some said i was possessed...then they told me hiap luh was there guiding me all the way...so nice of him to do so...connell as well...and thank you to all the peeps who took care of me aft that *muackz*...so well, they were eating from the tins raw...and then we sat down together and talked in the rain...some ppl were in the tents cos they didn't want to get wet (JUNKo ppl you know) so well, eugene and ahmad started making funny noises in the tent...then there was this joke...the "not so hard" one...L5...so well, we sat on jerry cans talking...we were already dirty and then we made ourselves even more so by spraying lots of insect repellent on ouselves...and then night fell...hiap luh and connell came to check one last time on us...then they went back...we sorta made an illegal campfire...hehe...literally plucked branches off the trees...and it was small...but we had fun...we sang and cheered with the NPCC girls leading us...and then decided we had to put it out and go to sleep...there was a grp that isolated themselves from us...i sat next to eugene and zarifah and wati...then later i needed to pee...so no choice lah, bushes...later wati also needed to...and then rifah...haha...so funny...there were also some who went to the shit hole...man, did we tease them...gosh it was rocky...so painful...but i did snatch some hours...sigh...me and ain and wati talked abt their boyfriends and they wrote messages...i miss them so much...all the lovely talks we had and how they took care of me...love you loads...
Thursday : woke up with a sore back...had to unpitch tents in the rain...JUNKo being pampered and having that fredrick and christine made us late cos they were unwilling to pack up in the rain....only eugene and ahmad did so...me, wati and ain were ready waiting for them...fit got pissed...my back was aching frm the day before...the pack was heavy and i sprained my back due to the weight...but no choice, have to pick it up again and go on...did area cleaning...found that all the tent pegs were bent...haha...at least they weren't lost...so we went down without the JUNKo ppl...upset with them...then complain to hiap luh abt them...sigh...so we walk all the way back to camp 2...and we rested awhile...got our store in order...we also were told to change into wet shoes and clothes...did the jetty jump...and also the building of the raft...livinstone built ours faster...and we had this challenge in the water...and we paddled out...halfway...pop! and the barrel pops out...i was sittingat the back, and the next thing we knew, the whole raft came apart..so funny...we were all in the water and had to be towed back to land...then we kept everything and waited for the rain to stop again...we were allowed to bathe...we changed...haha...and then came back down...changed out of our clothes...and wore clean fresh ones...then we took helmets...thought we were going to rock climb, but in the end we plaued this game called traffic light...fredrick was making a whole lot of noise...if livingstone won, they'd have to cook adn pitch our tents for us later...so we WON...did it in 15 seconds...then they called off the bet...sigh...well...i still remember it clearly...the big empty space in front of the multipurpose hall...the toilets...the building that we guessed was the canteen...the stores...the bunks that we werent allowed to enter...the intructors sleeping area...the multipurpose hall down the road...the huge tree...a thingie with a bell...then there was a dog there...the kayaks...the taps near the kayaks where we washed our mess tins...then the beachfronts where we ate...the jetty...and the space with trees at the side...there was a grp camping there...frm RTC or boyshome or something like that...so yea, we sat on jerry cans and had a "prcs" meeting...talked and ate dry maggie...tasted like some snack food...sat joking and laughing...took photos in the rain...then we had to cook and we did...i danced in the rain...JUNKo was so mean and did not cook anything for eugene to eat...so yea, we made them cook something and brought a mess tin to him...then he asked me if i had eaten and i said no, so he made me eat with him...(grr eugene, you got me that once ar...anyways, it was just mushroom so it was fine)...we sat near the jetty looking out at whitesands which was visible from there...sorta homesick for some ppl i think...so we ate out of that mess tin...wati thought me to walk like they fags in her school...so i did that and ppl thought i was crazy...lol...it was cold...very cold...we washed the mess tins and the other stuff...was late but most of our torches weren't working already....was dark as well...i miss that place...we almost lost our trolley...hehe...but we got it back...then we went back up and some went to bathe...it was free time aft that...then they told us we had to unpitch the tents cos it was too muddy and we couldn't sleep there...so yea...problem : unpitch tents in the dark when we had to light...wati had gone to bathe and so did ain...tiara was crying cos you zhuo was injured and he was cooking cos her watch (junko) made him do so...he cleaned up as well...then now he was doing the most work...we had to wash the tents...we got into an argument with fredrick cos he insisted on bathing and did not help us wash the tents...we did everything with eugene and ahmad and clement (another school, ultimate band freak like me) helping...then when we were returning the tents they threw a tantrum...me gloria and rifah could not take it anymore, so we went to bathe aft cleaning everything up...got changed again...then we sat and talk talk...hiap luh came and called a livingstone gathering...offered to make a hot drink for us...talked alot and was comfy...fit had tears in her eyes...was worried for her...sigh...then steph and jongjong were so hungry so hiap luh said he'd cook for us if they found the ingredients...our rations were depleted, so they stole from other watches...his meal consisted of rice mixed with crushed maggie, maggie seasoning, sausages, and raisins in it...well, it was hot, so everyone enjoyed it...i did sample it..it tasted better than my potato...since i was so very very tired of biscuits...and ain's bottle milo was nice but it did not beat hiap luh's...milo mixed with coffee...yum...so hp looked so tired we "let him off"...we comforted tiara awhile...we washed hiap luh's cooking utensils...i intended not to sleep so i was talking with eugene...asked him to keep me awake by talking...he stopped so i ended up sleeping...pity poor rambu for being in JUNKo...should have been in livingstone...we would have treated him better...i hope you liked the so called massage i gave you aft washing the tents...hehe...so yea, slept till next day...
Friday : woke up early...bathed...we packed and cleaned up the area the last time...said gdbye to the place a last time (heart breaking) and went back to camp 1...the beeg one...so we saw some wild boar along the way...got back and unpacked everything into our normal bags...returned everything to the store...then we went for lunch...hiap luh called a last livingstone meeting...he asked us for journals which we had not done...so what we did was just draw a pic of the days that we had...loved drawing hiap luh who was mutilated in a very awful way...then we drew our "key to all success"...the pack unpack pack unpack...hiap luh's clover bottle...the kayak storm...the blue chair...the "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"...had a talk...many aeroplanes was disrupting us....he asked what had we learned abt leading during the camp...many good ans...when it was my turn, i said this..." although i wasn't the leader for any expedition, or elected to lead at all during the camp, i think that this camp has still taught me abt leadership. i learned that i have to learn to lead myself, before i can lead others. if i cannot even control myself, how can i lead the masses? i learned that during OBS, leading oneself"...can't believe i said that...well, i did...ppl kinda stunned...we had a great last talk...we got our certificates...then we also got to go to the souvenier shop to get the stuff i didn't have any cash, so inn funn helped me to pay ferst...thanks dear...then we showered and changed into sch clothes...got rid of our wet shoes...then we went with hiap luh to see the old watch tower...the scenery was beautiful...he took a pic of all of us...he also took pics with us and then we got our packs...as we got onto the boat, he shook our hands and gave us a number...we were puzzled to what it was...was acherlie his hp number, but well, we couldn't remember the order we went it...we did get his email though...we signed this tin can...and i sat enxt to fit during the trip to mainland ( again, heart pain)...i started to cry...so many memories left behind...me and wati and ain were sobbing our hearts out...i feel like i got two sisters you know...far away frm here...sigh...oh well...it was sad...many ppl cried...eventually, we took a bus back...mr neo came with his car...and also mrs pang came...
sigh...the end of obs...i want to go back...and i miss these ppl
Livinstone, M511, 2003 : our lively and lovable instructor Chew Hiap Luh, Wati & Ain my kecoh sistaz and tent mates, Gerard with the "hello jkitty" boxers, my kayaking buddy Douglas, You Zhuo the strong one, Stephanie the liverpool fan, Jong Jong the hungry one, Jean the shy and strong one, Eunice the sweet one
JUNKo : Tiara the sweetie and the band freak Clement...
i hope to meet all you soon, meanwhile, take care...will remain in my heart eternally...
OBS to serve, to strive, and not to yield
8/28/2004 01:52:00 ip.
torstaina, elokuuta 26, 2004
OBS
well...today? i dunno...wet i guess...other than that, nothing special...normal school...had malaysian band over...didn't really catch then performing...sigh...oh well...
the lil rascals are coming back frm OBS tml...i still remember my experience vividly...nothing is lost from my memory...a lil account for those who wish to reminisce and also for those who wish to find out what OBS was like...
Monday : reported to school with huge huge bags. i had packed them the night before, and there was loads to bring. not only that, it took 2 bags to carry all that was necessary, and that was AFTER i ommited all the items like pens, paper and optional items...man...so we had flag raising, a short briefing by mrs teo, then we boarded the bus. we were pretty noisy...i sat next to one of the twins and talked. finally we reached the jetty, and we sat awhile and waited. boats came, i remember stepping gingerly onto it...then we went to pulau ubin. we were the first school to arrive. mr neo and mr ismail were there. then we were given more advice. aft that they put us into our different watches. i was in livingstone with fitriyanna and gloria. we lined up in the multi purpose hall and waited for the other schools. then we realised that some groups had keys and there was this great confusion among those watches without it. we thought we were going to sleep in tents and the rest had "dorm keys" (btw, this was ALL thanks to liwei and eric and co. NOT mentioning abt the MOBILE course) so, the other schs came, we were mixed up. then we had a briefing from steven, the camp coordinator. there was this cute joke when introducing our instructors. ours was HIAP LUH (u rock) well, we did some ice breaker games then he told us we were in MOBILE course. oh
fit should remember the "pack-unpack-pack-unpack...ACTION PACKED!" so yea, we found out what MOBILE was...then we went to go to our store, which the key was for (hehe, too bad for hazwan) and we got water bottles, huge ones, and ponchos, and had to transfer all our things into huge packs that literally towered over our heads. then we went to canteen to eat, and after that were given our rations...we settled our next few days meals ourselves, who was to carry what. what was necessary and what wasnt. we also had to call hiap luh frm his dorm and all yelled there was echo down the dorms...we also toured around the area and finally got ready to go. we then did our pacing. and we also took a photo, which was nice. and aft that, we walked with junko, our buddy watch to the next campsite. we were shown our store there. then we had to learn to pitch our tent. and we learnt how to cook outdoors. and we did so on the beachfront. met all the other prcs ppl there...which was cool. then we scrubbed our mess tins, bathed, and got ready for the next day's activity. we were given info on when to report and what to bring. i was in the tent with ain and wati and we had the biscuits inside with us. fit came to chat and we tried desperately to sleep when we heard douglas shout "po kee po kee!" late into the night. crazy fellow. finally did sleep
Tuesday : woke up. took a bath. went with wati and ain and got ready for the next activity. we were told to wear the "wet" clothes. lathered on lots of sun block. then we went to the beach front. were instructed how to wear the lifejacket, and all the safety procedures given to us. we had whistles and things like that. we learned how to kayak, fit had probs with that. then we paired up...i was with douglas (omg)...and we had to do the capsizing drill...coolness...was successful...then we kayaked around awhile. we were told to bring our packs down to the beachfront. then we had lunch in the multi purpose hall and briefed on our sea expedition...we were salty and wet, and had sand in our shoes. finally, we packed all the mess tins into our already heavy bags. i got a entire pot and rice and fruits stuffed into my pack and we loaded them as well as our jerry cans that we collected frm the jetty the night before into this boat. and we had gerard as our team leader. together, we made our formation and set off for the next campsite. fit and jong jong kept going through the jetty and eugene and ahmad were sweepers. me and douglas were going quite fast, and were nearly together with gerard and wati in the front. suddenly it started to rain heavily, we had to seek shelter so we went to the nearest beach which was not even a beach in the first place. more like a strip of beach. we waited for ahmad and eugene, and i held my breath when they crashed into a rock. we also discovered a hole in one of the kayaks. aft the skies cleared, we moved on. we rafted up a couple of times, and the weaker kayakers were re-grouped to be paired with a guy. douglas kept trying to capsize our kayak. then suddenly ppl wanted food. it was aftnoon already. many yells for apples and pears and oranges. fruits were flying. and they got salty food. we passed many places. some places had dirty waters. we had to keep away frm the rocks and also the kellongs, cos there were dangerous barnacles. then we rafted up while waiting for gerard to determine our course. finally, we went to noordin beach, our camp for the night. (more hand power, not eye power!) hehe...that was for fit...anyways, we drank lots of water, and suddenly hiap luh told us that we were only getting a powder bath. many felt squiemish. others were hungry. we decided to cook before it got dark. we changed out of our wet clothes as well. steph was having some problem due to ahem ahem...luckily for her it was resolved. problem : coking 15 packs of maggie in one medium sized pot. they added ALL the seasoning, which made the thing uber salty ( thank gdness i didn't eat) and they added mushrooms as well as cocktail sausages. it wasn't even hot. me and zarifah frm junko and gloria went for a lil walk. kinda embarrassing since the boys in front were going to change in the bushes and thought we were going to follow them. we watched the sunset which was spectacular and took photos. then the night began to fall. we realised that the boys, douglas and gerard and company managed to bathe in some place in the swamp behind. they smelled nice, we didn't. sigh. we spent time talking and they made a lil campfire near the junko side. eunice and jean and i were trying to write journals that we promised hiap luh. then he came to check on us. talked awhile. and he left. finally, the stars came out. me zarifah, fit , ahmad and eugene laid out our ponchos and looked at the stars. (fit : its a firefly, not a shooting star!) they caught fireflies. we talked long. there were these flies buzzing abt our heads, gnats, i think. and we got sandfly bites. we were told where, when, and what to wear for the next day. ain and wati were asleep in the tent already. suddenly these dogs appeared and we made a mad dash for the tents. sleep time. i still remember the beach, the most peaceful time of my life. and i was actually happy. the tents were flimsy, but we didn't care. we slept anyways
more updates in next post....
8/26/2004 02:42:00 ip.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 25, 2004
prelim fever
abit drained...went with a few days without blogging again...well we had practical yesterday...mrs glow made us rush through...and then we had our geog mock exam..a.ft which i studied for music prelims today...loads to study...today was studying in the canteen...saw mon cher frere...grins...you know what happened during recess...haha...cute...didn't know you felt that way all the time...it certainly made me laugh...made others laugh too...cute...*smiles*
well...today...usual day...was abit crazy over the prelims...prelim fever...i even managed to somehow memorize Bach's 5 compositional phases...1703-1708, 1708-1717, 1717-1723, 1723-1745, 1745-1750...and they are grouped into three periods...Weimar, cothen and Leipzig...*claps hands*...wah, achievement...aft knowing nuts about music...must thank my dearie sweetie nurul fitriyanna for helping me study yesterday...at least, i did write something down for the essay question...didn't study enough for 20th century music though...and the paper was definitely tricky... AND it was freezing in the room and raining like cats and dogs outside...frozen...must sue the school if i suffer from mild effects of hypothermia...supposed to have practical exam on friday but i can't even bite mouthpiece now because of a huge ulcer on my lower lip...it hurts...so the practical has been pushed forward...thank goodness...
bcos of mugging for music...i didn't touch chemistry at all and no doubt my test on organic chem is far from good...in shambles...nice phrase that i've stored in my head for a long time now without knowing which composition to apply it to...darn...
mon cher? i guess you either noticed...or you really do know...i noticed that you are at the pt where its either/or...well...do something about it? i don't know...just try...please?
hmmm...JC...thank you for the comments...i have a lil suspicion...but i'll check on you later...miss you loadies kor....
i'm tired...wish to sleep awhile...days have been not great but not bad either...just very very tiring...i don't understand it either...
y o u a r e h a u n t i n g m e
8/25/2004 01:16:00 ip.
maanantaina, elokuuta 23, 2004
dishwalla
a lil note for mon cher frere...
you noticed i left you alone in school today. as always, i didn't bother about you as you sat in the canteen. i didn't even bother to chase you out. well thats normal. i don't know how to put this. i need help. from you. come see me for more details
love, Sarah
8/23/2004 03:15:00 ip.
updates
ok, so i have not been updating...i will now...
friday : had pe, was not very gd game for me...hand got hit but its ok now...had a little study session with oke and jani...at least now i now how to manipulate functions...then they wanted to go to swensens and have the topless 5...met them after school and went together...so many prcs ppl at whitesands, even had a group follow us around...*sheesh*...then oke sent me home, jani went for tuition...huda and me met up in 15 mins...met ama, huda, and n...dearies i really miss you...then we had dan also...miss you too...talked alot...and had a heart to heart chat with the rest...i miss them alot...sigh
saturday : went to school and found that we had no chem lesson...so well, the class played cpt's ball...i joined in but i stopped midway to go visit the band...i have nothing to say abt them but this : no one is enjoying band...after that incident where the poor boy was hyperventilating due to nervousness...i can conclude that they are all too stressed...stretched...they need a break...went home aft the practicals...then went out to changi airport with AF and AR and that mina ketot and her bro...sigh...well, it was fun...nothing more to say about that...
sunday : helped aiti cook then went out to tampines...bro stayed at home...just bought some things, nothing more...
i'm tired, i'm fed up and i don't wish to elaborate further...just too tired to
8/23/2004 01:39:00 ip.
torstaina, elokuuta 19, 2004
burning
today was our mock exam for Bio...it went well i think...considering the amount of time i spent with oke studying for it...i think i've discovered the virtues of studying beforehand and not the night before...it does help...alot
what can i say about school? another long day...the weather was not too good...and i didn't feel that great either...some disappointment over something as well...*sighs*...i don't think i shall mention it...
nm was very hyper today...we had a kind of sing-along session in the IT resource room during mother tongue...today we had no ss...which meant there was no anger today...mdm kamisah did seem a tad bit cranky for some extraordinary reason...it affected my mood in a sense...i have no idea why...it seems the people around me influence the way i feel...
i have gotten down to studying finally...i think this is the last part...i can feel the tension...the pressure starting to mount...ES actually asked me howcome the sky didn't collapse when i told her i had already studied for bio...speaks volumes of me...seriously, i have never really studied in my entire life...i'm starting to enjoy studying with ke...and i enjoyed studying with eric kor for mye...english and humanities that is...to ke, thank you for letting me study with you...its truly been a joy...at least i don't feel it is such a problem anymore...
has anyone any idea who JC is? JC if you do know me, pls tell me personally somehow...i'm tired of guessing...
the wait for you mon cher frere for that connection...thank you for ending it...i loved that smile which you flashed me today...it was comforting after the rotten things i've faced...at least, it amused me a while...no matter how short the duration was...
i have nothing more to say really...just wish my oven is repaired...i want to try out that semolina cake with lemon syrup recipe...its is nice, my mother tried it before...i want to have a go myself...to the basis : i'm afraid the korean delicacy has to wait...been abit busy recently...but when i do get down to it, i'll let you know...
worrisome...things are getting that way...i'm fretting more...about the littlest things...sigh
i still feel rotten...tired...worn out...i don't feel like pushing anymore...like i said, the pressure...i don't want to face it...i want a break from it all...i have to drag myself to school each day...i feel too exhausted to even get up from bed...and i even sleep early...
mon cher frere...maybe this is asking too much...but i do need that help to clear everything in this messed up head of mine...it seems...that i can't ask the rest...they are too preoccupied and i do not want to bother them...please help me...especially with studying for my music prelims next week...i have a whole pile of notes to memorize...wonder how i shall plough through it all...
drained
8/19/2004 02:48:00 ip.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 18, 2004
pain
another dreary day...what happened last night...really really pissed me off...like i said...where i am now...in the position that i am in...i cannot do anything...really...whoever the conflict is with, i lose...and if i don't argue...then i also lose...so whatever i do i'm still lose...sickening
school...came to school looking very pissed...even fit noticed...then we had lessons...by the time we had Geog i was seriously very very pissed...felt like shooting on sight...so i just kept quiet the entire recess time...
mon cher huda...je m'ennuie de vous tellement... svp m'appelle bientôt
sheena finally came back to school...thats a good thing
i have a head ache now...thats bad
i'm still pissed...thats bad
i hardly can remember anything for music and my prelims are next week...thats bad
i'm currently listening to the songs that my kor jacob sent me...real nice...but they don't cheer me up at all...jacob...i miss you...sigh...i don't know why either...
i just found out that my two names, marlina and sarah have two meanings...marlina means bitterness...sarah has two different meanings : importance and princess...i have no comments on this one...for the record, i hate my name...bcos it was chosen by
that person...i have been trained from young to respond to that name...so my brain is used to it and i turn when someone calls the name...but since i have to stick with the name i prefer sarah to marlina...it sounds nicer...i don't know why either...
my dear brothere...mon cher frere...is there anyway you can contact me? i wish you would...seramthgin eno...please do
updates later
8/18/2004 10:58:00 ap.
tiistaina, elokuuta 17, 2004
Sarah : the fool
this is the story of sarah...the clown...the fool...the idiot...the one who can't get anything right...nope...she screws everything up...she screwed up her life...she screwed up everything there is that she could...and the worse thing? she don't know how to reverse it...no...there's no hope for the clown sarah...nope...no more...
why is everything so f***ed up...oh ya...bcos of that figging clown...no one to blame but her...
you know what clowns are for? to make a fool of themselves...to make others laugh at their stupidity...to cheer others...to cheer everyone else, but themselves...apparently, thats what i am doing...there's nothing to say...what is there to say but quit?
i'm sick of sch...i thought i'd never say that...but i am...i finally am...i stay in sch to study...i get things into my head...all the additional stuff...it seems...that the days in school grow longer and longer...and not only that, they are dreary...horribly so...mundane activity...thats typical of me to say really...and INFP...we hate mundane activities...we dread them...we fear having to go through a cycle over and over...but isn't that exactly what i'm doing? wake up, dress, school, study, sleep...then do it all over again...sure, things vary in school...but the events are all the same, no matter how one tries to differentiate them...in the end, the clown goes to school...is crazy, does work, feels tired, gets yelled at then goes home...and then the clown takes off her make up...puts her costume aside...and realises, dang, i spent another day doing nothing spectacular...nothing that i remember...and the clown is tired out...she's miserable...but she knows she has to go do it all over again...the fool...why doesn't she just quit, like she knows she wants to?
darn it...to sheena dearie : you're not the only one who feels trapped. its stupid. i've been in this position so many times, yet i still don't know how to get out of it...i'm the fool not you
to fadzie : thanks for the lovely testimonials...i love you and miss you loadies many many mon cher...and wish to meet you soon too...just the two of us like we did just before the exams practicing...
can't i just skip forward...a fast forward in life...like that of a radio...sure this radio has no replays...but i want that fast forward...
f a s t f o r w a r d
8/17/2004 12:53:00 ip.
sunnuntai, elokuuta 15, 2004
oh mien
what can i say, i'm in the hole...no more sinking in...officially in...and now i'm back at square one...aft struggling and struggling...and trying...i fell...i scraped my knees countless times...i tried to push away the intruder...the alien that infiltrated my base camp : my head, my heart, my soul...i tried to annihilate it...i tried so hard that i burned up all my energy...then i picked myself up...again and again i tried...but what happened? i sunk back in...and i dun see any ladder to the top...i see no rope coming down that i can climb up...i dun see any light at the top either...all i see are stars...stars frm above...calling, calling...they so high up...i reach, and i jump...i leap...yelling, screaming as i do...they call me...that lil music from the sky...they say...join us, join us...you will belong...the souls that don't rest...for you are one even as you live...as you take every breath...every step...we can hear your pain...we hear you cry...come, join us...we want you....but they're so high above...there's only one way to join the voices of those souls...to sing with that choir high above...there's only one way, and it is not flying out of my hole...out of the well that i've fallen into...but the way there is to go further down...to go into the earth...where i came from...i cry out...i'm aching...i'm breaking...and all i want to do is go...join the twinkly stars...i scream till my throat is hoarse...i climb till my brow is damp with cold sweat...my arms are killing me...why do i climb anymore? with no clear foothold anywhere? why must i climb? isn't it easier to just fly away...to go where i wish to go? why am i so stupid? so dumb? its so much easier to fly, yet i chose to climb...
to be perfect...when will that time come...when? why do i wait when my fate lies in my own hands?
sarah...you're a fool...
have you ever heard the stars sing? did you hear the tinkly sound of water falling on flowers petals? of the wind howling in your ears as you look out on grey waters...
la mer ...yes the sea...the gulls...they cry...the night decends upon earth slowly...like a queen...she wears a dress...a velvet dress that is of a blue so dark it looks as if its raven black...its studded with many diamonds that glitter as she moves...her white face shines above her kingdom, the Earth...and she smiles at the humans far below...their business is small compared to hers...light turn out...but many are still burning as she looks at her subjects...she smiles...no matter how bright their inventions are, they never outshine the lil stars on her dress...she looks upon the lil children...soundly sleeping...and she sings a silent tune...a silent lullaby...it causes a sweet breeze to lull the children to sleep...they breathe...so cherub-like are their faces...yet she knows...o how beautiful yet sad is she...yes, she is sad...for she knows that the darkness she brings does not only bring sleep...but also, many lived are taken...many stay up, just looking at her face...shedding tears...weeping softly...and she weeps with them...clouds, soft clouds cover her as she does...and she does not mind the cover...it is cool...it is peaceful...night...her realm...a time for sleep...a time when pain is at its worse...a time when her subjects are kept awake by thoughts...that torment them...what can she do? nothing, but look upon them...so sad is this world...
you're.aching.you're.breaking.i.can.see.the.pain.in.your.eyes
8/15/2004 12:37:00 ip.
lauantaina, elokuuta 14, 2004
school
feel drained...came to sch early in the mornin...ferz had chem prac...QA today involved chemicals with preee-tay colours...my my...pinkies and purpelishes...and aqua and violet...so nice...wheee~...no titration though...had to do measuring of the temperature of the exothermic reaction...that was easy...aft that had a break awhile...went to see my clarinets...then went to get the key...saw my mon cher frere le cauchemar...still never say anything to me...i wish you had said something...sigh...not even a smile...*tears*...i really am missing your smile...and you talking to me...really, its not been the same...talk to me...
aft that had bio...mann was it draggy...it made my brains into soup...and it made me restless...then waited for mr collin for physics...had a test...i think i screwed it up...darn it...oh well...then i went home...didn't catch sight of mon cher anywhere...
no one was at home...just stayed at home...rested awhile...watched the Olympics...Athens...nearly dozed off bcos was very tired...but well, i'm afraid of sleeping since last nite...le cauchemar...*shudders*...nothing to say abt that...i hope that mon cher frere knows...
saw the band do drillz...eric kor says they are lazy but can make it...i hope its the case...really want them to get it into their heads...discipline...its the key...eric's a capable leader...no doubt he'll be able to do a gd job...just hope everyone cooperates with him...to my dearie veli : thank you soooo much for helping out...love you loadies...
am tired now...want to sleep, but...*whispers*...shant tell, no i won't...
every.night.i pray.
8/14/2004 11:24:00 ap.
perjantaina, elokuuta 13, 2004
suomen kieli
suomen kieli. minun äidin kieli. minulle se on niin kaunis, en voi sanoa. mutta minäkin olen vähän syylinen, yhtä syylinen kun minun kiinalaiset kaverit, ja en ole hyvä suomen kielin käytämillä. mutta vaikka minä en ole niin hyvä, ja puhun vähän murretta kuin minun isä, minä koitan olla hyvä suomalainen, ja käytän mun äidin kielini kun voin. olen ylpeä olla Suomalainen. maame ja meidä kieli ovat tärkeä ja ovat mitä erota Suomalaiset.
so...aft my long beauty sleep i wake up feeling bad. stupid. some note for ppl tagging.
The Basis : like i said, i dun wish to criticise. but you were harsh this time, harsh enough to make others feel that you look down on us. thats what we felt, and you can't change that. all we're trying to say is "hey, you could've handled it in a better way". thats all. we know what you mean. insults. they were not necessary. particularly against a group of people who can't, and wouldn't have the heart to say anything back. and about emotions. i still dun understand why guys think it is a weakness to cry. it isn't. i cry, alot, when alone. it is, in the end, just way of expressing your emotions. girls would understand. i guess you can't since you're not one.
oke : they need to re build themselves. that i understand. however, i still think we ought to help them. we can't do that forever, i know. but still, its OUR council, whether we like it or not, and i can't help but think that they need someone to guide them. and that we shouldn't let mrs pang down. its her council, and well. when we came in, it was in working order. somehow, along the way, things turned sour. perhaps, its up to us to help them. i don't know. but i won't give up just yet. not just yet.
well...nothing more to add? just feeling abit down now. dunno why also. perhaps, its bcos i'm thinking of mon cher frère...le cauchemar...yes you...je t'aime davantage que vous pouvez imaginer...jouez-moi un plus de tour magique...est mon sisterly amour
on a dégrossi? don't let it be so...aimez-moi avec autant coeur que je t'aime...peut-être notre douleur partira...sigh
lets get everything over with for now. move on. like we have before.
8/13/2004 11:13:00 ap.
infuriated
well...today was friday the 13th which prolly explains ET's behaviour today...i mean...i just walk into class aft worrying abt my council and i realise that he is giving everyone a tongue lashing...at first i was like "hallo?! since when did we mistreat Mdm Zainab?"...all the crap abt mistreating the teacher...only aft some time did i realise that it was Mdm Liu he was talking abt not the ML pupils...i mean pls, for our class, malay language results were relatively gd...i personally think that my result was a miracle...there were 4 A1s in the level and all were swept by our class...and the rest also did quite well...just storming into class like that may have been what he thought was right...and i do admit our class needs a wake up call...but hallo...it not only put the Chi students down...it put us down...do we not deserve any credit? not trying to be racist here but hey...there ARE malays and tamil language students in your class...and i know the malay language students worked hard to get their A1s...so did i to get my B4...B4, i know it aint great in the eyes of others...but pls...the amt of effort i put in and the amount of effort put in by those helping me certainly is great...are they not allowed their tears of joy? they were GENUINELY overwhelmed...and this may be a preview of the big thing...think abt it...if they put this much effort for the "preview"...what abt next year? are you VERY sure that they won't get any gd results? and to i felt upset over the issue...i mean, it could have been handled in a better way...without putting even those who worked hard down...so well, abt thinking that he was unreasonable? i dun really think he was...there was some truth to what was said...just that...i feel angry that the whole grp was scolded...sure, it may be "all for one, one for all" in band...but its not so for 4/6...in the end when we tackle our o's, its every man/woman for him/herself...i wish he would take this into consideration...oh btw, i think the class knows what HILARIOUS means...dun have to rub it in that we are in a premier choice school either...it was not my choice, and i'm sure, many did not have a choice either...
oh btw, i was happy to see mdm zainab and tell her that i am not retaking the paper...and she told me that she was happy for me...which made me even happier...yay!
HP showed me something in the 4/1 classroom wall...i think it was a good one..."There are 2 ways to disaster : one is to take the advice of others, the other is to not take anyone's advice"...something along those lines...very well said HP...its true, and i hope ppl do think abt that...
well...turning pt in our life? i do agree wholeheartedly...some feel they screwed up their lives...others? well...they deserve those tears of joy that they shed...now it just that last lap of the race that we have to overcome...and then, good riddance to everything here...*dreams*...
the "
you-know-who" who turned up at sch today was supposed to ask me something regarding my post...unfortunately "you-know-who" did not...and you left me waiting...you turned and passed me by...no words at all...not a single one...sigh...is it worth waiting for you at all? hope that "
cigam" occurs once more...its what made me know abt you...i hope you reply soon
well...more updates later...wanna sleep since i have this aftnoon to myself...
8/13/2004 02:30:00 ap.
torstaina, elokuuta 12, 2004
tears, tears and more tears
today the results came out for mt o's...since i was the first candidate for malay in the whole sch, it was super nerve wrecking...i was screaming my way up to hall...craziness...then mrs teo was like "for 4e, 98.5% passes"...my heart rate was like...sky high...i mean, there's no secret that my malay sucks...and not only that, after flunking my mid year paper big time (9 range hehe)...i was definitely panicking...so i cried...cos i was panicky...then when i got the result "marlina : B4, oral : distinction"...oooh mann...that felt sooo great...major improvement, particularly for oral...and i was jumping everywhere...sigh...happy not for long though...there were many tears...some bcos they were nervous like me...others of joy, others of sorrow...well...to see ppl with tears of joy...it was great...and amidst all the joy and the happy screams...well, there were a few forlorn characters...by the side, weeping softly...my heart goes out to all of you...and i spent alot of time hugging, finding tissue and talking to you guys...whatever it is...dun be disappointed...you didn't screw up your life...and to those who are retaking...dun worry abt your current results...there is no point doing that right now...what you do have to do is concentrate on doing what you intend to do...or else, re taking and getting the same grade will be just another blow...dun let that happen
well...i must say that just getting my b4 did not satisfy me...ran up to veli and guess what? he passed...YAY! and later, had to ask abangology whether my beloved bear bear did its job...and it did...WHEEEE...b3...thats more than i could ask of my little bear...so yep, dearie bear bear...i'll cherish you forever and ever...sayang-sayang you...and keep you close to my heart...or rather, my sch skirt pocket...hehe...*muacks*...its not as if the council and clarinets dunno my infatuation with my dear bear bear...my "partner"...cute...oooh...and my veli told me that he'd get a 9...then i told him he'd get a 7 at least...look what he got...a 7...mulut masin...i'm sooo figgin happy that he passed...
to my "
you-know-who"...i hope you're happy with what you got...and that if you weren't and are retaking...that you do even better...oh yes, i have something to say...
natsakar aunis nojlap... hope you understand...and best of luck for your upcoming oral...
ya oral...it was ok i guess...came home early today bcos of the oral and we just got the mock paper to bring home...my oral was yesterday though...the examiners kept laughing...i wonder if its a gd sign...
i'm tired out aft all the excitement...now its time to go ahead and concentrate on my other 8 subjects...esp music...my passion...my prob is that its not only music...its HISTORY of music...i need a history person to tutor me...aaaaah...i'm dying...so yea, any of my history peeps out there...and those peeps who do read...pls pls help me...i need to know how to memorize...and to memorize alot...cannot absorb already...sigh...any takers to help me pls contact me...and this may sound like bribery but, yea...lunch on me if i get an A1...one for both prelim and o's...aaaah...i need help...
well...enough of my rambling...like i said...i'm tired...however, i wonder how
you did...WAN...yep...i pray and pray that you did well...and that you're happy...if you're not...i won't be either...
tears.of.joy.and.sorrow
8/12/2004 11:54:00 ap.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 11, 2004
i love you
sheesh...whoever "dead" is...you're a coward...a huge one...i mean, you wanna say i hurt you? fine. tell me face to face...instead you resort to posting such a stupid and cowardly comment on my blog...so yea. go ahead...i'll nv know who you are...i'll nv stop "hurting" you like you claim bcos i dunno who you are...coward...*sheesh*
aft i got that out i feel much better...sigh...had oral today...means that well..i dunno if its a good sign that the examiners laughed at what i said...perhaps it was the way i said it? i dunno...i didn't stumble on the passage...thats good...i hope i didn't leave anything out on the pic...and the conversation...they asked abt a humourous show...for some funny reason, the first thought that came to my head was the spore idol thingie and the lemon tree guy...oh ya...the "careless whisper" was a great one...didn't mention that though...
so i came out pretty much smiling...settled the scores fer o level music practical...aaaah! i'm afraid...then i went home...saw dson under the block...he aint mad at me...well, we had a gd laugh over the "i-played-you-you-played-me" thing...gd fer him that he's happy...my kor's kor is happy, means my kor is happy...which means i am happy...yay...
erm...to mr " "...i'm still sorta...well...waiting? i dunno how to explain but i am...and i dun know how to tell you but...yea... ....loadsa blanks here...fill them in yourself...you know who you are...loving you loadies
MRS/WAN...i miss you...and MR you even more...really
hmm...so my day? pretty ok i guess...besides that sinking feeling...and the waiting...more waiting for me i guess...until you realise
oh yes...I WANT MY OVEN FIXED!! wanto bake fer jacob...make my kor happy...and let him taste me cookies..."cookie monster"...hehe...as well as fer eric...
final note : to "dead" you either tell me in person or you just leave my blog be...in other words, if you're too cowardly, just fuck off...thank you
8/11/2004 02:25:00 ip.
tiistaina, elokuuta 10, 2004
hear me cry
ahhh...this hurts a teeny weeny bit too much..."shoot me!"...to know and still not be sure...to see you hurt and not be able to help...to wish to cry everytime things are not well with you...but i can't show it...oh no...i can't...you know why...sigh, i can't talk abt that we agreed...this goes out to my "
nightmare abang"...you know who you are...dun deny it...we need to work things out...and talk sometime soon...i hope we do...meanwhile, take care...loving you loadies...
i wish i wish...i wish my oven is repaired!! i want to bake...faster repair my oven!!!
homework is minimal...wonder how come...and i've study log to fill up...sigh...
school tml...like i mentioned, have eng oral as well...yipee...can get it OVER and done with...no more oral for me...yeahyeahyeah...i'm nuts...
someone told me something that day although i told him i didn't want to hear it...i understand that you wanted to boost my morale...make me happy? oh well...you certainly delighted in seeing my face turn strawberry red aye *blush-blush*...oh no...my face feels hot...and you! stop giggling...you giggling monkey you ...grrr...*blush*...so you see...it made you happy and not me...no more compliments...promise?
oh ya...managed to find out how to post my pics...whee~ btu i aint gonna do that yet...nope...hehe...but watch out for it in coming posts...
i'm going nuts...better stop playing around or i won't sleep all night...will be uber hyper...sigh...
never.be.replaced.
8/10/2004 10:29:00 ap.
maanantaina, elokuuta 09, 2004
NDP observance
oh well...went to sch early this morning...my mother thought i was crazy heading down to school on national day...so i went there in uniform since i was too lazy to wear my band u...look aft my dearie band...help set up the chairs...stuff like that lah...masri was there...too bad chew din drop by...hmm...i think perhaps the band might not have liked that, but i wouldve...chilled awhile with huda and nadiah and daniel...a-sum came later...then saw liyana...been long time gerl! also saw many2 beloved2 ppl...met my junior frm EPPS, eric...strangely he remembers me though i have long hair now...thinking of cutting it...comments ppl? so well, chilled with him and his fren awhile...
parade...was spectacular to me today...though i think they chose the wrong time and the sun was shining directly on the contingents...i don't wonder why some ppl passed out...SJAB did a good job in caring for all of them too...the most frightening case would have to be the guy frm the back of the SJAB contingent...he literally fell backwards and passed out...meaning, *kaboom*...thank God he's skinny looking...who knows if he wasn't it'd be Hiroshima scale...*shudders*...couple of others...in the end i hope everyone came out safe and sound...PDS rocked today...somehow felt very very proud...also for NPCC creative drill...they were super cute...oooh, and i loved the cheerleading...cartwheels! i never did that...when i was briefly in cheerleading, though...i was in the bottom of the pyramid *bleah*...but it was fun...quit though, what a pity...
liyana's lil sis is such a cutie!!! omg omg...seriously mann...she's this lil chubby girl with long curly locks...and she wanted me to angkat her so she could see everything...and she call me "kakak"...cutie!! and she even gave me a peck on the cheek...omg omg...cute!okok, i'm rambling abt lil kiddos...but she's really really cute...really...love cuties...*awww*
so...well...going to concert again...whee...in september...SP band as well as the school band...crestwinds dun let me down! btw, Jon didn't turn up today...what else...*argh*...my section needs a good scolding...and they're going to get one as soon as i am free for the next practice...slackers...*grrr*...so well...ppl who wanna go...ask me so we can go together ya?
you caught my eye...i guess thats what you wanted to do all along? well you did...for now...but my eyes aren't fixed on you...unless you try somethin weird to keep it on you...dun try...pls dun try...you're scaring me...really...but thank gdness i didn't really see you today....thank gdness...
came home and slept...watched the parade...uber coolness...SNYO performed but i didn't manage to catch sight of nutcase chester...my sis managed to see momo and sandeep and jas though...haha...too bad i was out that time at drive 6...*darn*...went to hunt everywhere for my mother's french loaves *rolls eyes*...but well...all out...too bad for mum...
when's my oven going to be fixed? *groans*
oh Spore Idol is hilarious...not to mention, managed to get a look at the cute guys *sighs*...eh eh...dun jealous ar you...yes you my MRS/WAN...i just looked ok...LOOKED...nothing more involved...and no, kor...i didn't flood the place...you meanie always remind me to not drool...get this : I DON'T...but nvm, is part and parcel being your sis, then i'll take it...teasing i mean...dun over do it though...there are limits...missing you loadies...*muacks*
happy national day to all my sporean friends...now its time to wait for my itsenaisyys paiva...finn independance day which is in December...long way to go...
caught.my.eye.leave.me.alone.
8/09/2004 01:48:00 ip.
lauantaina, elokuuta 07, 2004
sigh
went to sch this morning for extra lessons...ended up crapping alot...then shifted my stuff down to 4/1 and went to look in on my dearies...tear my hair out liao...was playing fer awhile...screamed like a banshee and ran round the school...hehe...then watched the cuties frm whitesands pri do their work...later went fer band and was so disheartened that i went and did a mass-cleaning of the councillors' room...sigh sigh...my band is a mess...a huge mess...no respect for each other...no cooperation...they think its a game...reminds me of my collapsing council...i've given up on the council already...i think i rather concentrate on re-building the band...they are my babies...not the council...
so well...watched part of the pds...it looked gd to me...despise the fact that some ppl laughed on national day at the poor girl who made a mistake...oh well...mistakes happen...i remember official opening there were some mistakes...but no one laughed...at least our batch then was not a grp of spastic monkeys...i miss my seniors...we did things well together...now everything seems a mess...so well...pds...i watched with huda...somehow i nv get tired of watching...reason being is that i have this wonder at how they do it...me and sally should know...we found one of their rifles on the cd shelter that time and tried it out...only to have sally nearly sprain himself...ahakz....that was cute...so yea...i have loads of respect fer them...rock on ppl!
mass-cleaning of council room was fun
went home and slept...i think my mother is sick...i better not be sick soon...i got my o level oral to tackle come wed...
woke up...been online ever since...i feel lonely...i miss...oh well...can't really say that anymore...
i want...
i cant say that either...
i'm sinking back into that hole...just aft i got out...how much does that suck?
so yea...being "funny" is back in my dictionary...
groping in the dark
i saw a light
that guided me to a nice place
but nothing but a will-o-wisp it was
for this place is not for me
a false hope it was
and now i'm sinking
heart aflame once more
hurting i bleed
look in the mirror
and see nothing but the darkness arnd me
the cold's freezing my heart once more
beyond hope
i'm slipping away
down below
i'm sinking, sinking
swallowing mouthfuls of water
as i go down
hear me cry
8/07/2004 12:50:00 ip.
perjantaina, elokuuta 06, 2004
ndp
parade today...got to school early...had to go to hall for the prize giving...was sad...wanted to watch the parade live...however i got there late...was at the band rm with hazirah...took a pic with her...sweet lass
then got to the hall...sit there long long...watch the parade...no sound though...precision drill was nice...sharp...and well...then there was npcc creative drills...now that was cute...then they came up to hall...thank gdness the seating was shifted...
then bla bla bla...sing sing...walk walk...talk talk...like that lah...still am waiting...i waited...i saw you...you saw me...and you didn't do anything abt it...and i repeat...i'm waiting...oh btw, this has nothing to do with abgology...rather someone i'm looking for...i don't bite...stop ignoring me...i know whats on you mind you know...dun try to avoid it...
aft that...help the old folks carry hamper...wait for the bus...and spend time ruining every pic the councillors took...hehe...ain will know...
got home...slept...omg, it was the nightmare...but it certainly wasn't a great dream...oh shucks...i dreamt abt me and _____...that we were chosen for some thingie and had to work as a pair...oh mannn...when i woke up i was dumbfounded...i mean...oh all ppl?!...aaaaah...this is not right...nope...it sooo aint right...
tml there's sch...sigh...
why did this happen? why why why....oh noooo..
i want my oven to be fixed...NOW!!
wishing...
music.the.shorthand.for.emotions.
8/06/2004 10:38:00 ap.
torstaina, elokuuta 05, 2004
school
suddenly was seized my that one overwhelming feeling again...the one that i thought i let go...my heart sank to my boots? i dunno...i guess its that one thing thats been bothering me...on top of that had that nightmare and was awakened in the middle of the night...also bothering me...
i waited and waited...and i thought there was hope...a sudden lovely surprise...that turned out to be nothing but a false hope...so yea...i'm upset over that as well...its nothing to do with my sweet and the WAN/MRS...but well...it has to do with someone else...i thought...i really did...why don't you just tell me what you think...instead of keeping that distance between us...we ought to be friends...not what we are doing now...avoiding each other...we've never even talked properly before...so why does it feel cold in here?
i nearly let go today in the hall...scary...in the end, all i did was rush to the toilet...which reminds me how much my hair is curling up nowadays...it used to be wavy...now its super wavy...sheesh...
i want to just talk with the person whom i share my MRS/WAN...i know i definitely will feel better aft that...but well...i know i shouldn't bother that person...take care dearest...
well...i guess thats all i have to say...no more...sigh
i.waited.for.nothing.
8/05/2004 11:22:00 ap.
keskiviikkona, elokuuta 04, 2004
fish
figging face that i get every morning...i rather stay away...no pt lowing my top y talking to this person...
studied...for 4 hrs today...amazing aye? all during recess and during my free periods...wow...thats an al time record...but its time i got down to studying...and it helps that i finally have interest in chemistry...wheee~
so sch...sigh...CYH programme...i can't wait to get back my result for that Eng mock exam...i want it back...so no Chem test tml...and also the SBQ requires no studying...so i have only Physics test to study for...yay...
aft sch...nothing much...took my Bio test...then O level music...then home...went to LP with kalle...aft that...nothing more...
looking forward to SP band concert...want to have a look at the poly bands...must be quite nice...and going to meet someone i have not met in a long time..
spastic monkey...well...must say that irritation is more...
darn it i'm fat...okok so my BMi may not be so high as in not even near overweight...but well...i think i LOOK fat...yea
B...thank you so much for leaving me alone...if only the spastic monkey will follow suit...
our new code : WAN...hehe...you ought to know what i mean...
v i n d i c a t e d
8/04/2004 01:46:00 ip.
tiistaina, elokuuta 03, 2004
school
oh well...school again...nothing new there...
GO RUZAINI!! you rock mann...finally...someone outside band realised that you are good...REALLY good
spastic monkey irritation level HIGH...
getting fed up with this person...someone lah...argh...
thank you to the sweetie who made me sleep in peace aft waking up frm my nap...had THAT nightmare...its coming back...this time...its scarier...won't elaborate...but to the sweetie who made my mind be at ease late in the night...and spent that time talking me out of my fear...thank you...remember...MRS...*wink-wink*
SP band concert...am going yipeee...
well...tired since i spent last night up late...thinking of that nightmare *shiver*
i want my oven repaired...
doesn't switchfoot soooo ROCK??
man...they soooo rock! lol
maybe-we-lived-with-our-eyes-half-open.maybe-we're-bent-and-broken.
8/03/2004 12:26:00 ip.
maanantaina, elokuuta 02, 2004
sleep...
rainy morning...woke up tired aft yesterday's outing...dragged myself to school...lessons were as per normal
aftnoon...eng remedial...three words...OMG...i thought that KY was slow in going through...know i know YYH is even slower...and considering the times i have done that passage...and gone through it...i was dead tired...and i dunno how i managed but i somehow fell asleep...while sitting upright on the hall floor...
eventually woke up to go home but the class key was lost...someone misplaced it...apparently the last person holding on to it put it on a chair...then we don't know where else it went to...sigh...so went on a hunt...falling asleep half the time wherever i sat down...in the end we gave up and just went home...
so i FINALLY got my sleep...so nice...still feel like sleeping more...
i feel more cold nowadays...usually...this kinda weather won't affect me...something don't feel right...just suddenly so cold...i wonder why...
thank you for thanking me for everything too...it touched my heart...love you loadies...and miss you loadies as well...*muakz*
preparation time for o's...somehow...it aint what i thought it would be...particularly for bio...seem to be ok for me now...i need to catch up on my physics...guess what?...i got 11/18 for my chem test!!! yay!!
abg firdaus talked to me that day...sorry hor...not FK but someone else...well, i dun wanna waste my anger on you...so count it that i forgave you already...
aaaah!!! my oven broke down...so now i can't bake those cookies...sigh sigh sigh...i wanna bake...coconut cookies...and peanut butter...i need to perfect the mix abit...the last time was a but...well..not gd by my standards...but since others like it, i guess i just need to make it better and even more nicer fer them...
to someone...this is my message to you...MRS...really...i can't think of anything without you....RM...with all your heart...it has been great...and i cant help but return the favour...MRS!!!
m.r.s.our.code.
8/02/2004 12:09:00 ip.
sunnuntai, elokuuta 01, 2004
par-dee
well well...its sunday morning...and i feel fine...bcos the day is nearing...yay...
ok well...yesterday had chem lesson...QA and titration...titration went fine...QA...was heating a chemical when it shot out of the test tube and went all over my hand...if you look back at it...well, its quite comical...pei shan panicked...i went to get ointment...and the rest of the experiment...well...i couldn't do it at all...
then had 2 hrs to kill...was supposed to meet eric, my veli...but well...he was sleepy...and so i just brought the file home instead...was going round sch like a crazy girl trying to find a phone card...dunno what the ppl thought of me doing that...then had physics...went home
met eric later to pass the files...got ready for eileen's party...
so we went to get her gift...met in front of MRT station...then saw my kor, jacob...so loong since i met him...it was nice...talked some...laughed some...got teased as well...argh...trust mr dots. to remind me abt last years incident...grr...anyways...my sis got bored and i wanted to go to changi village with hakeem, aini and kor...with yenwei and cui wen as well...then we went to near the beach there...aft that went home cuz aini and hakeem were going as well...kor went off frm there...
heard that they visited OCH...oh pls...i used to live there...nothing to be afraid of...so well...heard that the spastic monkey came aft i left...and also that B was there...and that the person i played out was there...somehow feel that it was a gd thing that i left early...heard many things that were not good...so yea...just dun bother basically...at last i got a good nitez sleep...
have to plan another baking day...ppl cravin my cookies...means more burned stuff for my family to consume...hehe
was wearing my new long blouse last nite...its nice...baby blue and has sequins as well as embroidery...cool...
blended sambal this morning...waiting for AF to come over...also waiting to go out later with my mum...going to TM for groceries...then also to treat AF to her lunch...wheeee~
craving.kisses.
8/01/2004 04:09:00 ap.