I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, heinäkuuta 01, 2004
this.sucks
MT oral today...and i screwed up...well, thats normal since i'm usually screwed up anyways...but it doesn't hurt any less...i was so nervous that my fingers were icy cool even in that canteen that was sooo warm today...then when i ran up, i was perspiring terribly but my hands were still cool...thank you to all people who had wished me all the best...so the oral, i was so nervous that i stumbled on the passage a number of times...that is so not like me...i mean, sure i stumble but that was the most number of times i've EVER stumbled...and the conversation...my mind was totally blank, so i just made up this ridiculous story...and when i left in the end, i left my entry proof on the table inside...with the examiners...bloody...stupid stupid stupid stupid me...
so yep...that was my day...eveything got to me...was and am agitated...was pretty upset bcos i had to perform my duty of asking...or rather, in this case...forcing my abang to come for the meeting tomorrow...and i sense that he feels like he said "super sian"...i mean, ya, i have to do things but i don't like doing such things...in hate it when given responsibility...ever wondered why i insisted on not being student conductor in band? i just knew i wouldn't like it...there is no pt in doing work half heartedly...some things like hw, i can't really escape, so the quality of my work will be affected...but in this case, i couldn't just accept that post like that...and when this came along, it made things worse, bcos i could not push that responsibility aside...i couldn't 'not accept' it...not like before...
yep...aint high anymore...so basically i feel the same as before...tired...in pain...and also very very miserable...i'm stuck...doubly so...now i have to choose between 4 and not 2...its difficult since all are important...
oh yes, i found out marcus reads my blog so yea...HI
and also, thank you to the ppl who are always adding hugs...i know jae's one of them *hugs jae*
erm, and sorry to abang...not abt the sian thing...not abt the meeting...not abt anything...just abt something that you disapprove of...i think you should know what...i'm sorry...
i have sad eyes...recently, a friend i made told me that i have starry eyes...pretty eyes, like those of a princess ( i dunno whether he knew it or not but acherlie my name, sarah, does mean princess )...i beg to differ...i have sad eyes...they are either red bcos i'm exhausted or full of tears because i'm upset...nope, i can't eye-smile...it aint possible for me...so to the ppl who told me to go be a model, i already told you i can't...now you know why...sad eyes...to look at the sad things that you have to see in the world today...its a sad sad world...and few ppl see that...them and that stupid " look on the bright side of life "..."life is beautiful live it "...thats bs...there's nothing beautiful abt life...this world was once beautiful...prolly if God looks at what it has become he'd be disappointed...displeased...its not what it used to be...
how do you define maturity? i mean, just because you have so-called "twisted morals" does not mean you are immature...i was outraged today when mdm kamisah said that pessimism and negativity are signs of immaturity (if there is such a word)...partly since i am negative and pessimistic...its stupid...i mean, if you are being pessimistic, it means you are always prepared for the worse...which is better, being prepared for the worst, or just doing nothing and hoping and expecting the best...that whole thing abt being negative is immature is total bull....i still stand firm on the belief that its always better to die early...then everything will be peaceful...
am very "funny" today...only one person will know what i mean...
l o s t s o u l w i t h a t e a r i n m y h a n d
7/01/2004 11:53:00 ap.