I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
torstaina, heinäkuuta 08, 2004
this.bloody.title.wont.be.shown.anyways.why.bother
never felt worse...
suddenly that song is playing in my head...only one lyric of it will apply..."you will walk a lonely road"...or rather, already applies...i'm lonely...what else can i say...not lonely in the sense that i need a "stead" like so many others do...not that way...i've gotten tired of this whole stupid pretence...its bcome a tad bit unnatural...since when does msh smile when she fails a test...any test? i cry when i don't finish my tests...it feels as if i can't find my tears anymore bcos i've held them back too long...
to the person whom it applies to : abangism...yes, i told you to go tell me to die...i want you to...i know you won't want to...tell you the truth that i'm sick of pretending even for you...it hurts to see you around....yes, its gotten to a point where it hurts just to see...no need to speak, no need to hear...no need to feel your gaze...yes, you see smiles...i do that...i'm sick of it...i'm sick of all of it...you shouldn't have meddled...you shouldn't have cared...you should have left me alone...i wont be here, to face you or this stupid mess that i've let myself endure for too long...so since you know i only listen to you and eric kor, go tell me to die...make things simple for me again...
someone called me lovergirl today...how interesting...sad, and interesting...another said sorry to me...the way that my name was called...softly, sweetly...and that apologetic look...i'm sorry my sunshine...it was a rough time before...and its a rough time for me now...i'm sorry, there is no way you can help...that way doesnt work anymore...
i like to look around...if suddenly my eyes chance upon a person who is looking at me...then i feel uncomfortable...so dun look at me...i repeat to all peepz...LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS I TALK TO YOU...
i hate me
i hate me
i hate me
i hate me
perfection? someone tried to contradict me on this issue by making two statements that contradicted each other
"nobody i perfect. its the imperfections that make us the special ones"
if no one is perfect, and everyone imperfect, how can one be special, bcos you are ordinary if you are imperfect...thank you to this person for teaching me a great lesson...the only way to be special is to be perfect...
tired.of.the.pretence.tell.me.to.go.die.please.
7/08/2004 09:54:00 ap.