I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, heinäkuuta 24, 2004
loving.your.differences
sleep deprived again...this time the cause was staying up too late to help my veli with his blog...added in some stuff...and nearly went crazy bcos of his totally problematic template...somehow, when you add in anything into the sidebar, te entire sidebar shift down below the posts...aft many many tries, i somehow managed to get it back into original position (somewhat) and also add music, a tagboard, links...at least there was a sense of acheivement later...need to sort it out some more...try to really really get the sidebar into original position...sigh...
went to sch early today for chemistry...got screened methyl orange onto my hands...and this nonsensical person *argh* you know who you are...HAD to go touch the outside of the conical flask aft he could CLEARLY see that the thing had leaked out it...and then comment on my so-called "squirting skills"...nonsense...QA was fun though...to make sure the gas didn't escape we did outrageous things to complete all the tests for gases...haha...funny...
aft that had the prize giving ceremony rehearsal...as per normal...collecting that STUPID prize...for me, its enough that i did get A1...i dun have to know or have to let the entire school know that i did top the level...getting tired of this kinda nonsense...3 yrs of doing it has made me feel that its nothing but a waste of time...and its still the same prize...sigh...
went for band...majulah singapura was a new arrangement...running passages...its nicer, i must admit...IF a band is good...which is currently not the case...its upsetting to watch my senior's "baby project" go down the drain...mine and veli's baby project going down the drain as well...council...i want to let go, but the more i look at them, the more i feel that i can't pull away just yet...they seem to be unwilling to share the work...to cooperate...and to be a team...how does any council work like that...with totally no goal...the only one being to complete their meetings quickly by giving slipshot work just to go home...pls let the sec4s and 5s go away in peace...its sickening...that we have to worry all the time...i don't think that happened when last year's senior batch pulled away...
missing someone...love the differences...thats what i learned frm him...differences are the important things you should look at...they make you beautiful...they make you unique...the similarities? not as important...though, in friendships and other relationships, they are what tie you together...i love your differences...and miss you...hope we meet soon
i'm upset right now...watched pds...saw my seniors...went home...slept...thats all i bothered to do...it seems everything is against me...against us...so far away...lonesome...i dunno why, but it seems that this time...its not the same as before...can't coax me frm so far away...i feel supressed...i feel...strangely...lonely...perhaps its the distance...i dunno...
missing the person i quarrelled with...i guess i couldn't take it anymore...to lose such a person both as a friend and as a brother hurts...but i got sick of being blamed for every single quarrel...i switched off...bcos thought the message that was given to me was think abt yourself and take care of yourself...it was really, think abt him and how he'd feel...and then it struck me aft that quarrel...what abt how i'd feel? why didn't it matter?
tears slipping...its weird...looking through a very thin sheet of cloth at everyone else...i can see whats happening...i can see the colours...i can see everything...but if i reach out, and i try to touch them...the lovely cloth will rip and then i'll see everything...unprotected now...somewhat like looking through a sheet of white organza...misty and fairylike...
loving.your.differences
7/24/2004 11:50:00 ap.