I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, heinäkuuta 27, 2004
hurt and bitter
today went pretty smoothly...no hiccups btw the two of us
i find SOMEONE ridiculous...made a fool of herself...i always tell the ppl arnd the same thing...you dun like what i do, then just fuck off...dun comment here and there and tell me to not do something...i do as i like...if you dun like what you see...just go away...i dun give a fing damn...i'm sick of this kind of attitude...i aint your pet...i'm not your sister...and i'm not anything to you...meaning, you have no right to tell me what to do...or to tell me such things as you told me today...or to comment on what is none of your fing business...so i repeat again...fuck off...yes i'm hopping mad at you...so you clear out of my way and leave me alone...i've no desire to see your fing face anyways...bleah
that said, i feel much better...been putting up with it for so long...and this time i said what i needed to say...
i went a bit insane today...haha...ppl got shocked...i also have no idea what i was doing...just doing what i felt like doing...hehe...
i was sent something today...it went like this...and i'm putting this up for my kor...i hope you feel better soon...
"...Disappointment will do that to you. It will blind you towards the very presence of God. Discouragement turns our eyes inward. God could be next to us, but despair clouds our vision. Despair does something else. Not only does it cloud our vision, it hardens our hearts. We get cynical. We get calloused. And when good news comes, we don't want to accept it for fear of being disappointed again.
Common reaction--isn't it? Been hurt by love? Then don't love. Had a promise violated? Then don't trust. Had your heart broken? Then don't give it away. Settle the score by blaming the world and hardening your heart.
There is a line, a fine line, which once crossed can be fatal. Its the line between disappointment and anger. Between hurt and hate, between bitterness and blame. If you are nearing that line, I urge you. Do not cross it. Step back and ask this question : How long am I going to pay for my disappointment?"
Disappointment is cured by revamped expectations.
you dun need ppl in your life kor...you dun even need your family...you just need yourself...and to love yourself as well as love God...God is in control...just remember that...love you kor...i hope, you really really feel better soon...
to the person i miss...my heart is with you everyday...the hurt deepens...and its hard to face everything without that person to hold me by the hand by my side...but i try my best...and i do it bcos you try your best too...thank you, for everything...
i thought i let go...i know i have not...and i really do stand alone...
tired.of.everything.but.i.push.on.for.you
7/27/2004 08:27:00 ap.