I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
perjantaina, kesäkuuta 04, 2004
s e a
if not for Pulau ubin, there would have been no difference between the sky and sea...the sun was already out of sight, and i delighted in the sweet sea breeze that brushed the hair out of my eyes...the gold was fading in the distance, and pastel blues, idigo, and violet blended into one another...a large grey cloud pulled itself over the sky like a great curtain, shutting out the light from above...glimmering in the distance were the lights of the ships that were passing by...
yup, that is a description of what i say today...at the beach...spent some time thinking peacefully...and then was jolted out of my thoughts by my mother screaming at the top of her voice...ridiculous...i hate it when she does that, never gives me a time to think in peace...all that serenity, gone...spoilt...the evening, tainted with bitterness...like everthing else in life...gems come abt bcos of the impurities in them...a sapphire has copper in it, making it blue...if not, it'd be a perfect white...me? i'm tainted...impure...snow is not pure water...i'm like the snow...impure...a winter baby, born to be so...with the sea-faring blood coursing through my veins...a child not just of winter, but also of the sea...both impure, just like me...
i wish to return to the sea...one day, i shall get my chance...i wish i could do it now...but clearly, circumstances do not allow me to...wishes are hopeless...all i ever wished for, or prayed come true never did...oh wow...whats the point anymore...
see what happens when i go to the beach? i end up "funny"...hooray for the angel of death...unfortunately, i am not within his grasp...not just yet...i dunno when, but not now...
t h e s e a a n d s k y c a l l i n g m e
6/04/2004 02:13:00 ip.