I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
tiistaina, kesäkuuta 01, 2004
m y r i a d
the word for today: myriad.
as in, myriad of reasons, or myriad of colours
such a nice word...
so besides me babbling abt words, i had yet another normal day...meaning, my day was B-A-D...and today was extremely bad...went to sch, only to find master was not coming...had to talk abt camp...then stupid things like that lah, sorta spoiled everything...went home, no one but my sis...did some stuff...had a conversation online with abang...and as usual, things had to get worse by an argument btw me and him...stupid...i just don't like it when he degrades himself ya...i mean, if i'm expected not to do so...shouldn't he as well...at least believe in himself...and not call himself stupid...so yea, thats what we argued about...also i'm getting fed up with the incessant nagging coming from someone who i'm not supposed to be fed up with...stupid stupid stupid
ok...since my own abang degrades himself...i shall follow...i'm a let down...such a disappointment...bcos i can't even make my own sibling believe in himself...and because i dunno if i can hold on anymore...and bcos that person has not contacted me in like soo many weeks...and oh...this one last reason...bcos i'm ALIVE...stupid stupid stupid me...why didn't i just die at birth?
so i slept aft that...aft a lot alot of crying...bcos of this stupid argument...woke up later, and went to send the cookies...hope they are fine in someone's tummy...and do justice...
stupid stupid stupid stupid...
i wish this deal was off...it seems to give that one pressure, bcos have to study...and it torments me as i can't do what i want...that is, that thing...i'm not even allowed to be funny...so it torments me and pressurises him...why did i agree in the first place? oh ya...bcos i take my friends seriously and want them to do well...esp this friend whom i even call brother...nv have i called someone abang, not even that vile creature *spits*...and i do him, so imagine how much it hurts when i see him degrading himself...what can i do but cry...
i m a b a n g m y h e a d a g a i n s t t h e w a l l
6/01/2004 12:48:00 ip.