I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
lauantaina, kesäkuuta 05, 2004
j a m x
let see...another normal day...which means, generally bad...so, i woke up this morning bcos of a full fledged thunder storm...so i took a cold shower, and rushed to school for a workshop...it was ok i guess, just that they were preaching lots...i think the other workshops i've attended are more useful, particularly the one conducted by mr vimal...deep stuff, yet motivating...and oh yes! what am i missing? FUN...it was fun, nothing like this workshop where we basically sat on the floor and listened to them speak...whatever
got home...as usual, mummy asked me what to cook...for gdness sake, how would i know? then i had a gd sleep...aft that i woke up, and read...then was bored the entire day...until i discovered that my lil bro was fed up as well, and so i ajak him go cycling lah...what to do...at least i had some crazy moments...esp since my bike is one with no lights, brakes that don't function, no bell, and a front tire that wobbles all over the place bcos it aint fixed rite...so yea, i was going at break neck speed everywhere, and knocked into some ppl *oops*...and i also ended up going round in dark areas where chills were going up and down my back...and i basically was being crazy...
so we went round the park, towards EPPS...then aft that towards loyang pt...the moment i picked up speed i remembered...dang, todays JamX...and i wasn't inside, what was i doing? hanging outside...why? bcos my mother didn't allow me to go...so me and kalle headed towards mcdonalds, and he insisted i buy 4 ice creams and finish it there...so i queued...so malu, guess who appeared beside me? mr rasdeen...of all ppl, my PE teach had to appear then and there when i was buying something really sinful...
aft that aisam and isa emerged frm the outside...just came frm the concert...then we finished up, and i left for toilet when i say megan and my iso veli...he looked cool...stripes in hair...ermm...but clothing wise, cool...man, was he surprised to see me...sad i didn't see my kor...
so yea, thats my day...my bad day...not bcos of the workshops, or the crazy bike, or meeting ppl...but bcos of what i thought throughout...yes, i confess...i'm losing it again...and i mean, really losing it...i don't see a pt anymore...bcos of the deal, i am not thinking abt anything right now...but i'm getting tired, really tired...meaning, i will break down soon...and this time, worse than before...because i have suppressed everything more this time...fought to keep secrets...fought to perfect my act...i fought, for everything...and i fought a battle which i lost...and i will fight no more...i don't care if a keen lance, or a poisoned spear pierces my heart, and i take my last breath...taking my last breath now seems awfully tempting, and a very good thing to do...and since i can't even do that, i have to sit and wait for it to happen...
i w i s h t o m e e t t h e k n i g h t w h o c a n s a v e m e
6/05/2004 01:40:00 ip.