I have failed countless times to update this blog, and I have a feeling no one really reads anymore. However, since this was where I started writing it always feels most comforting to return to write short bit about my life here
I was browsing today this article where a number of individuals had submitted pictures or scans of their teenage diaries. I have hardly graduated out of teenhood myself; once a very interesting character told me that you don't truly stop being a teen until you've passed 25 years of age. Sometimes not even then. Yet I can't help but look at (the now hidden) entries that used to chronicle my life in secondary school and then in junior college. I was a very different person then, and yet, not so.
As I write this now, I am waiting for myself to fall asleep, for the memories in my head to die down so I may just tumble into a nice dreamless sleep.
Yet sleep evades me, as it naturally does when you need to wake mere hours later for the most important task of school. It feels so new all over again, because people just come and go and come back again.
But enough of my rambling, I should really try to at least close my eyes and lay down, and hope that eventually sleep will take me.
To all those people who left my life, I miss you. You know who you are
<3 M
marlz. daughter. sister. friend. cousin. girl. 1988. born to die.
maanantaina, kesäkuuta 07, 2004
b u r n i n g d e s i r e
oh wow, woke up early today...meaning? another bad day...feel awfully pissed...wish i could kill that person...yes, THAT person...fed up mann...whats with this sending me this and that...makes my days worse than they already are...have to go to school and see that person's black face...sheesh...just leave me alone will you? and leave my beloved siblings alone...i'm sick of you...do you hear me? f*** off!!!
yea, on with my story...i woke up early this morning for science practical...walked to school in the rain and man, was it cold...so yea, i reached...my sis still had not gone off for her trip...and so yea, the tower had ppl...later we went for our practical, Chem was quite straightforward...Physics took me quite some time to understand what set up they wanted...that over and done with, i came home...went to sleep...and woke up...
so why was my day bad? bcos i found something abt someone over the weekend and its still on my mind...i trusted, so much, and nothing? and now this stupid person who is irritating the life out of me, and like getting closer to my siblings? to what, steal them away like everything else this person has stole? oh please, you got your own bros everywhere, more than twice the number of mine, so yea, just buzz off...
i wish i could kill you...never seen the evil side of me have you...now you can, if you come one step closer...i'll kill you, then the person behind you...all your bros...your family...and i'll take pleasure in killing them, one by one...watch the terrified looks on their faces...smash in their skulls...watch the crimson liquid that stain my hands and my blade...stained red by all that i've slaughtered...you'll suffer not the fate of a human in my hands, but that of an animal...for i shall kill you like one...i warn you...and after commiting that sin, i shall commit one more...by klling myself aft killing all of you...i sincerely hope you go to heaven...so that i don't have to endure the sight your face in hell...
its this burning desire...i wish to get out of this place soon...out of P**S...out of home...if possible, out of this world...then out of this life that i have to live now...makes my day bad...why? bcos i love my three ppl too much...and since i made that promise...and know that if i do anything, i will hurt them...i will not do anything, but sit and await the great disappearing act to take me away...i'm sorry i have to think this way...its just that ppl are making life more difficult...i hate holding on, and it hurts to do so...but i have to, not for me, but for someone else...to this someone else, i love you...so don't tell me that i am doing something wrong...for anything out of a sisterly love such as mine is considered a pure act, and something good...
b u r n i n g d e s i r e
6/07/2004 09:49:00 ap.